Pride Knows No Bounds.

Five months ago, the Daughter decided to spread her wings, to expand her horizons and to depend on herself.  It was a proud, yet terrifying moment for me, the mommy.  And it was something I knew she needed to do.  She left with the knowledge that she would ( 1) always have a safe place to land (2) a washer and dryer to do her umpteen loads of laundry and (3) a mom to bring her Taco Cabana.

It was the hardest thing I did, watch this person who I had tucked in every night for 18 years walk out the door for the last time, knowing that on that night, I wouldn’t be tucking her in.  I waited until I got home before I BURST into tears.  It took me two days to walk into her empty room.  I missed her immediately.

To say that the Daughter has had a run of it is an understatement of the highest order.  She had a roommate that we thought for all intents and purposes was PERFECT.  We later found that she wasn’t.  The Daughter made the best of it.  

To be fair, there were reasons I will not put on blast (out of respect for the Daughter) for the dissolution of the housing situation two months later.  But suffice it to say, neither were completely innocent and both were responsible.

Through all this, the Daughter tried to remain above the hurtful words, the arguments and the accusations leveled at her by people that she had thought were her friends, her friends that she had for years. 

It was hard for her to learn that some people were not as she wanted to see them, that they were truly, high school friends and would need to be left in her past.  In her high school memories.  It broke my heart to see her hurt over the loss of these friends.  It made me angry that these “friends” that I had welcomed into my home, into my heart, had turned their back on my daughter in her time of need and instead of asking her side, believed rumors, innuendo and flat out lies.

I tell you this to move forward.  To tell those “friends” this…

My daughter, my gorgeous, strong willed, funny daughter will make it.  You didn’t break her.  In fact, you made her stronger.  You gave her strength that she doesn’t even know she has.  She won’t, doesn’t, hasn’t needed you.  Not now, not in the future.

I firmly believe that this girl, my daughter, she will own the world one day.  She has a drive and a fire in her that NOTHING can put out.  It seems that the further she gets knocked down, the stronger her resolve is.

The daughter is going to move home.  Back with me.  She’s gonna start over.  She has experienced more hits and pitfalls in 5 months than I did, well, ever.  She’s grown and matured.  She knows now what she wants and how she is going to get it.  Without you.

So to my Daughter, know how very proud I am of you.  Of how far you have come.  How far you are going to go and I am so grateful that I am along for the ride.

You, my daughter, are a phoenix.  You will rise from the ashes and be brilliant. 

I adore you.  My heart beats for you.

It all begins and ends with a Wal Mart excursion, doesn’t it?

So I survived the Christmas Holidays.  Barely.  But do I get a badge for at the very least not getting arrested for losing my shit in Wal Mart? 

again?

[editor’s note:  I have not been arrested at a Wal Mart, I have been asked to leave one.  TWICE.  Same store.  But they were very well mannered in their request…]

I have decided that it all begins and ends in my world at a Wal Mart.  Take the holiday for instance, this one, was a blog writing itself.

Let’s see, Christmas Eve, I decide to finish my last minute shopping at, you got it, Wal Mart. On Christmas Eve.  In the afternoon. 

Yes, I am that crazy.  Some people like extreme sports, I go for the full monty…

Folks.are.crazy.  Not like amusing crazy or talking to themselves crazy, but I mean crazy, like “I-will-cut-you-if-you-take-that-last-package-of-tube-socks” crazy.  However, NO ONE was hanging out of their shirts, pants, lack of pants, lack of shirt, crazy hair, unbathed, etc…nothing to post on POWM.  damnit…I think I need to lower my standards and quit shopping in the “upscale” Wal Marts…I need entertainment….

I tried to get in and out quickly.  Yet, I find that I am surround by buggies driven by possessed people.  You know the ones, with the glazed over look in their eyes.  I try to be as polite as possible, moving out of the way, only to get cut off AND the stink eye.

It’s all well and good, I stay off my cell phone, keep both hands on my buggy and signal when making a turn.

then it happens.

some bitch FIRST runs into my heel…then in going around me and giving me the stink eye, RUNS OVER MY DAMN FOOT!!!!  not nice.

so I lose my shit.  In Wal Mart.  Are you suprised?

At that point, I just take the offense and battle it out, I will cut someone off, dole out my own stink eye and beat you to the check out line…sucker!!!!

ahhhhh….done.  Yet, there is the drive home.  In the snow.  Which people in my parts are not used to seeing, much less driving in.  So it’s much like bumper cars out there and lots of honking and stink eye.

Fa-la-la-la-la…..Merry Christmas!!!

So, the actual Christmas Day was pretty uneventful.  We were worried that the three pups were gonna end up in some sort of quivering mass as there were kids and extra adults and lots of presents and noise to be had.  But the pups were troopers…the most well behaved of the lot. 

I did have the pleasure of having the Daughter stay with me for the week.  It was wonderful and sweet, I cannot wait to move back to Dallas so I can see her beautiful face everyday.  (SOMEONE PRINT THIS AND HOLD FOR EMERGENCY SITUATIONS….such as when she leaves clothes, towels, shoes on the floor…I need to be reminded that I SAID IT!!!)

The Daughter did bring with her every article of clothing, every towel, every sheet and sock that she owned to be washed.  My poor washer and dryer may quit on me.  It took three days to get it all done and she still left garments behind. *sigh* how I miss her!!!

So, we had the Mother, the Sister and the Respondent all in the same room and my head didn’t explode.  Which is a sign of progress, yes?  Don’t get me wrong, it was a holiday, so there’s always something right?  but this time, everyone took a blood oath that we would get along for at least one whole day.  Seemed to work….gues my threat of cutting everyone out of my will and leaving them only the Son and Daughter to care for worked, because we made it with no tears, bloodshed or estrangements.

I did however, open my yap and end up sleeping on the floor.  In my own home.  Go figure.  I offered my room to the Sister and the Niece without consulting the other half and well, we ended up “camping”…I have yet to recover,  the Sister, however, now covets my bed. 

Got to see the bestie this weekend, the day after Christmas…Kenner lives too far away for my liking, but close enough for weekend trips.  I love to spend anytime I can with her and this time, she met Kris (Just Kris) for the first time.  I think she likes Kris (Just Kris) better than me. 

After dinner with the bestie, the Respondent decided to call and have us stop by where he works so he can see the Boy.  Since we were so close, we went.  It’s a private club and it’s close by, he’s tending bar for the evening when we get there and there’s about 12 folks in there.  I know one.  Have known her for years and years.  Kris (Just Kris) knows NO ONE. 

Remember that NO.ONE.IN.THE.BAR.

By the time we get ready to leave, Kris (Just Kris) has (1) met everyone and knows anniversaries (2) looked at some guys wedding photos of his daughter (3) put into the FOOTBALL POT and (4) had somone walk up, proclaim “I KNOW you!!!” and hug her. (This same person looked at me 20 seconds later and said “I don’t know you!!!”) 

She’s never stepped foot in this place. 

Now, lest you think I forgot, this story began with a Wal Mart excursion….it should end with one…

Typically, I avoid all after holiday shopping LIKE THE PLAGUE.  But this year, oh no….Kris (Just Kris) decided that we needed new pillows.  So at MIDNIGHT after dinner with Kenner and a robust evening with the Respondent, I get to head BACK TO A DAMN WAL MART to shop for pillows…

oh, it gets better….

the FIRST Wal Mart we go to, doesn’t have KING size pillows and she can’t have smaller ones.  But we do find a few things we need, so we check out with the other 3 dozen people in ONE LINE at midnight…waiting for the inevitable trip to Wal Mart #2…at midnight….but I digress.

We get to Wal Mart #2 in the frigid cold and it’s pretty empty.  We get the king size pillows after a lively discussion over Firm, Quilted, Feather and Down Alternative options.

Each point of discussion ended with a pillow upside someone’s head.  Which was alot of fun, until it landed upside MY head.  Thank you Son…

Then it was game on…

We couldn’t get down an aisle without the Son or Kris (Just Kris) pelting each other with a pillow or whoever else might be standing there (sorry Wal Mart employee trying to stock housewares, didn’t mean to knock the stuff off the shelf, blame the Son, not lack of parenting).

Apparently, my genetic code says something about getting scolded at Wal Mart, that I need to hear it….

Because as we were leaving, the pillows were flying and I hear the greeter say…”Please don’t do that in the store, someone could get hurt. Settle down!”  (I wasn’t even carrying a pillow…the other two yahoos had them and didn’t hear her or get her stink eye.  That was reserved just.for.me.)

Yes, the Wal Mart greeter, in her ear muffs and mittens….at midnight….showed me the door.

damn…

I gots to know…

I crave information.  I am a reader of everything.  Friends will tell you, I am the keeper of all useless knowledge.  If it’s random crap you need an answer to, I perhaps know it.  If I don’t, I will scour the heavens to get you an answer.  Don’t ask me why…I hated learning in school…it was all about the makeup and clothes for me.  I retained absolutely nothing from my years of edu-ma-cation.  At least I didn’t mean to…

So as I have pondered today, on a break, these questions: 

*Why are the People of Wal Mart NEVER in my Wal Mart?  I have visited several in several cities and nope…not a single weirdo.  (editor’s note:  not “weird” as weird goes, but I do believe I saw a tranny or a really ugly chick)

*Why when I saw the tranny/really ugly chick could I not pull it together enough to get cellphone or digital camera out of the flipping purse fast enough to take a picture.

*How did tranny/really ugly chick KNOW I was thinking about doing that and proceeded to give me the stink eye…

*I really wanna know if it was a tranny or a really ugly chick.  Cause that tight little stretchy black dress was not doing her/him/it ANY favors.  And it confused the HELL out of me.

*I really wanna know what the hell Tubthumping by Chumbawamba is all about, other than some hoser tying one on…I can’t drink all those drinks in one night and expect to wake up for a about a week…what kind of person CAN?!?!?!

*I need someone to explain why in DECEMBER when it’s 30* is this chick still wearing a “cocktail” dress and flippy sandals to work.  Really?  cause it was inappropriate in the summer, now it’s just weird. 

*Someone explain Lady GaGa to me…seriously. 

I am apparently driven this week by a stunning lack of focus.  I can absolutely not complete one task or one thought at a time.  Which has become increasingly more frustrating for Kris (Just Kris) who will also be known as the Chick.  (it’s easier and well, I am just that lazy hitting the shift key for the parentheses is just extra keystrokes…)

I will not be surprised if by the end of the week, she’s not just walking around with a wiffle bat, ready to pop me one when I get sidetracked. 

better find that helmet…

(EDITOR’S NOTE:  I have been strictly advised by Kris (Just Kris) that she is not to be referred to as the Chick, New Old Girlfriend (or NOG for short), Lady, Princess, Punkin, Sweetness or Pookie.  So I submit to the readers…Kris (Just Kris) needs a fitting nickname, help me come up with something…?)

Do I need a passport?

About five months ago, I decided to move to a small town.  For reasons known and unknown…I am in the process of moving BACK to the city. 

I have learned that as much as I enjoy living in a small town, you have to be PART of a small town to fully enjoy it.  The folks around here are as friendly as can be, when I get to see them.

But, that’s the dilemma…everything I do is an HOUR away, so this chick gets to spend her days driving and driving and driving…I am actually about 25 MINUTES from the NEXT STATE…yeah…that much driving.

The Daughter, the Mother and the Sister all are in the city, my job is in the city and well, the friends I have left from “the split” are…you guessed it…in the city.

I,  in my mind had thought, “oh these folks love me enough to come spend time out here.   It’s not that bad, we have an extra room, they will be able to stay.”

I have had TWO visitors.  My family has been up to my house a total of three, okay, FOUR times.  In five months.

Hell, I am never home.  I am always.on.the.road.

So, after “the Split”, I had been toying with the idea of moving back, getting closer to the Daughter, just in case.  Well, the Just In Case is now upon us and I can’t get back fast enough.

But it’s hard.  Where the hell are all the houses?  Aren’t we in a recession?!?!

Or, better yet, where are all the NICE houses?!?!?

Kris (Just Kris) and I have looked, and looked and looked some more.  We have dragged the Boy across multiple cities and two counties. 

We have looked at small,
We have looked at large,
We have looked at strange,
We have looked at smelly.  Very smelly.

And here’s what I have concluded…

People are on drugs.  Serious, psychedelic shit. 

There is no other explanation for the wallpaper, window treatments, paint, drywall texture, carpet, flooring, lighting choices that have been made by plenty.  Other than mescaline.  Lots and lots of mescaline.

And the amounts of money that they are asking for these homes that belong in the pages of High Times is outrageous. 

$2,000 for the 15 sq ft home…with first, last and security deposit up front.  Hurry, it’s going fast!!!!  (No, what’s going fast is your buzz….toke up buddy!)

When we moved, I was stressed because we couldn’t find anything we liked, and I thought it was because I was moving to a small town with less choices.  I was wrong. 

In trying to move back, during Christmas, during winter, eeek!, I have found that it’s even more difficult to find a decent place in the city.  How effin’ hard could this truly be?  I know I am not picky, well, not SUPER picky…but there are a few things I require:

*Working electrical with no power surges.
*Carpet and/or flooring that I don’t STICK to.
*Rooms not painted green, red or have wallpaper with little fishermen on it.
*Ceilings that aren”t falling in.
*Maybe, just maybe, the previous owners/tenants/animals could removed all their possessions BEFORE I take possession. 

Perhaps my standards are a bit too high.  Perhaps I should just pitch a tent under I-45 and be done with it.

I mocked the city and bragged about small town life.  I think the city is getting back at me now.  This is my payback for turning my back on it.  For thinking there was a better life further away. 

All I learned is that I spend alot of time driving, that drive time radio sucks and that I am missing out on my life in the small town because by the time I get home, they’ve rolled up the sidewalks and turned off the lights for the night. 

I wanna go home….

She’s known folks.

In order to get this new blog up and running, I am finishing off several that I had started and had not completed, then you will have lots of fresh new posts for a while then…..nothing….

you know me…I am a slacker.

So this new chick in my life, Kris (Just Kris), is one of those people that doesn’t meet anyone she doesn’t know or know of or knows someone that knows someone…you know…she’s like that game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

but sometimes, it’s really funny…other times…it’s really, well, yeah, it’s still funny.

I submit the following:

Example #1.
We went to a get together with my friends from high school a while back.  Folks I have known for twenty years.  We went with my buddy Tanner (who will be posted about shortly!) and her sister, et al.

As the night wore on and drinks were consumed, it was discovered that Kris’ (JK) closest “friend” from high school actually dated the same guy that Tanner’s sister dated for 15 years.  In fact, that evening, Kris (JK) had photos of said ex-boyfriend and ex-whatever-she-was in her truck.

The fact that I have known Tanner for twenty years and Kris(JK) for TWENTY SEVEN years was only suprising to me as I know NEITHER of the other folks…

As well as in the evening it is also discovered that Kris(JK) works with one of my most favoritest tuba players mother-in-law AND Tanner’s sisters best friend.  My world, which seemed small when I got there, just kept getting smaller.  And the more Tanner drank, the funnier it seemed to get to her…

Example #2.
Kris(JK) ended up needing to go to the ER about a month ago for what we can only confirm was her first migraine (no, I didn’t cause it!) Actually, she wasn’t going to go until I MADE her, which I guess lays the blame for this next debacle firmly at my feet.

So, seeing as we are in Aubrey and the rest of the world is an hour away, I have no choice but to call Whirly to come to the house and watch the Boy so I can take new girlfriend to the hospital. A small town hospital in the middle of the night on a Sunday…in the rain…SMALL TOWN FOLKS…

As my car was totalled, I had to drive Kris (JK)’s Yukon, which is actually in her ex-girlfriends name. 

Got it so far?  The ex girlfriend is watching my son so I can take new girlfriend to the doctor driving the new girlfriends ex-girlfriends car…

ok, keep up…it just gets better.

Well, Kris (JK) just sucks as a patient.  Maybe it’s from being a police officer at a major county hospital in Dallas and seeing all that can be imagined…but yeah…she sucks as a patient.  The nurse comes through and says “The PA will be here shortly to check on you.”  Kris (JK) decides, oh no….not good enough, she wants to see a doctor…so we will have to wait.  About a hour into waiting she decides her head is ready to explode and a PA is ok…but the nurse is snarky and says “well, we don’t want you to be uncomfortable with your care, it’s best you wait for the doctor now.”

(editor’s note: never piss off a nurse with a snarky attitude, they control the drugs.)

So we wait, patiently.  The doctor comes in and checks on her making small talk and asks where she works, she tells him and here’s how the rest of this conversation goes…

Doc:  “Oh, really?  I did my residency there.  Met my wife there too”

K(JK): “Oh yeah?  who’s your wife?  Maybe I know her.”

Doc:  “Well her name was Dawn, her maiden name was blah-blah.” (will become more important that I didn’t catch this in about 10 seconds)

K(JK):  She’s got a son, Tyler?”

Doc:  “Yes, he’s 19.”

K(JK):  “Yes, I know her.” [cue side glance, smile and wink to me]

as he leaves the room…I get this statement:

K(JK):  “He’s married to my ex-girlfriend Dawn.  That I lived with and  I helped raise Tyler.”

As it hits me and I begin to hysterically laugh at this, the nurse closes the door, cause I cannot keep it in check.  this is pure greatness!  what are the damn odds?

Are you following me still, let’s recap:

 The ex-girlfriend is watching my son so I can take new girlfriend to the doctor driving the new girlfriends ex-girlfriends car…The doctor in the ER that we had to WAIT for is now married to my new girlfriends OTHER ex-girlfriend.

Good times.

Example #3.
So, after totalling my car in October (boo hiss!  ouch!!!) I had to get a new one, so we end up at a dealership in a small town about an hour away from me (like everything else in my friggin’ world).  We spend THE DAY there and we have company.  There’s another guy there that is looking at a new car and by the end of the day, we strike up a conversation.  (Me asking what the graphics are in his protestic leg…you know me…)

During our conversation it comes up that he’s with the Fire Dept of some small town I haven’t heard of and his best friend is a police officer in another small town.  His grandfather was with the DPD for 40 years before he retired and Kris (JK)’s dad was also with the DPD before he retired…getting smaller…hold on…it’s not over.

In this conversation Kris (JK) finds out that this guys grandfather and her father share land in said small town.  That Kris (JK)’s mom was the matron of honor at this guys grandfathers 3rd wedding to her best friend.  That this complete stranger has been to bar-be-ques and fishing on Kris (JK)’s dad’s property several times…

hooo-wheee…..

I have no choice but to behave at this point in my life…she’s got spies everywhere!

Fa La La La…ouch

so today, we are going to get our Christmas tree.  It’s been a rough couple of months and to be honest, I can’t seem to locate my Christmas Spirit.  I think I left it behind in Dallas when we moved, probably in a box in the attic marked “Important, don’t leave behind.”

whoops.

So, the Christmas decor is out, to a degree.  I don’t have the space to put it all out nor do I have the “umph” necessary to do so.  But the Boy was happy when he came home last night and saw mommy’s snow globe collection out and the porcelain tree on the side table, so it’s better…

On to the tree.  I love the smell of fresh trees, but we get them later in the season so they don’t get so crisp by Christmas Day.  The Christmas shows are taped and waiting for viewing, the family has all been invited…I need to just buckle up and get happy…right?  Right!

It’s sunny and mild out which is another driving factor…is it normal to get a tree in shorts?  Maybe other places, but I want to be wearing a jacket, maybe some gloves…but not today…it’s almost balmy.  We had snow LAST week and I know that up here in the “country” they get a snow coat of about 3-4 feet every year, usually in March…I am hoping that we get it for Christmas.  Wouldn’t that be cool?

So…today…as “step” parent to three pups…I learned that little dogs have “Big Dog Syndrome.”  And that they bite.  Hard.  We had to clip nails and Doodle decided to make me a chew toy…yeah…ouch.  None of them are really speaking to either of us now, so it’s quiet.  But this is after a morning of barking at anything that moves, LOUDLY and Doodle attacking both the sofa cushion and MY SLIPPER…

sounds funny…it was funny to see…the slipper is bigger than the dog.  Luckily, there was no humping involved, so I get to keep my slipper.

I have found the pup consider carrots, pringles, popcorn, pizza and anything else I pick up to be THEIR treats and I am to share.  hmmmm….

There’s a new sheriff, or three, in town.

Ok, so I guess I need to start with the fact I am a dog lover.  Especially big dogs…I have always had big dogs and to be quite honest, was always intimidated by the little, barky, kinetic dogs.  Big dogs were like that big goofy kid, all lovey, all funny and just easy going…at least my big dogs were…

Over the years, we have been blessed with great pets.  Puff, Ms. Bear, Alice & Renee….Kinky (who was a hamster, yet acted like a dog!) all loved and all large dogs (exception of Kinky, who was just larger than life!)

I had promised the Boy when we moved to the country we would indeed get a dog.  For reasons that made more sense, we shied away from it until now…

Kris (Just Kris) came into our lives and with Kris (Just Kris) came three dogs.  Three little dogs.  I mean, the biggest one (my soulmate) tips the scales at 12 pounds…there’s Doodle, C-Bo and Bella.  Guess who runs the house now?…cause it sure ain’t me.

Let me introduce you…

Doodle –
is the oldest, at 9 (almost 10!)…she’s what I call “full figured.”  She’s a dog with cheeks.  Yes, she’s that chubby.  Which has led me to nickname her with several monikers…Chubby, Tubby, Chunky…all said in love, but this dog, is a tank.  Her legs don’t seem to be long enough to walk with the belly, but she makes it.  She has made my couch and throw pillows her personal space and when you go to move her so you can sit…she growls…did I mention she somehow lost a front tooth a while back, so now, she’s also known as Snaggletooth. 

Doodle is also the humpinest dog I have EVER laid eyes on.  She has two toys in particular that she is “fond” of.  Petey, which we have found, she is too short for, meaning she high-centers on Petey and cannot get off of Petey when she’s done.  Then there is Monkey, poor Monkey…Doodle is partial to Monkey…yet, with the short legs, ends up humping and thumping all at the same time.  It’s extra special when she decides that Monkey isn’t being submissive enough, she bites him.  I sometimes worry that Doodle with throw her back out, but at this time, she is a-ok…

C-Bo…
is the other boy in the house.  Yes, the Boy has a testerone buddy. At 6,  C-Bo (or Brother) is that big dumb kid in class, the one that bows to peer pressure.  If one of the others starts to barking, C-Bo is right there, with them…barking louder and longer.  When you call him out, he looks at you as to say “hey, they STARTED it!”  C-Bo also has a thing for torturing Doodle…and they get scrappy.  I have learned (last night in fact) to not get between them as I will end up the bitee…not nice.  C-Bo isn’t much of a lover as Doodle or Bella…and tends to want to steal snacks and lay directly behind you wherever you may be to cause the most discomfort.  C-Bo has also decided he can no longer jump on the bed and must be “lifted” up there…but this only applies to me.  Anyone else can say “C-Bo, up!” and away he goes…me, he just stands there waiting for his “lift.”

Bella..
awww….Bella.  Even her name is princess-y sounding, yes?  Don’t worry, if you didn’t think she was a princess, she will quickly show you.  At 4, she’s the youngest and therefore, the center of all attention.  Bella is dainty and petite.  Weighs in at 4 (maybe 5) pounds, she walks on her tip toes.  Don’t even think to make her go outside ON HER OWN in the rain, dew or even if it’s overcast, no, you will have to pick her up and put her in the yard. 

Bella is also humpy.  Much to C-Bo’s chagrin, as he is the designated humpee for Bella.  I often tell her to act like a lady, but she just can’t.  And it’s awkward at it’s best.  Bella is the dog that looks at you like you are a simpleton and she just can’t be bothered being on YOUR level and if you are in her spot, you will move.  Bella is, however, the biggest cuddler out of the bunch.  She can make herself at home just about anywhere and you need to make sure to have a blanket or pillow close by, because as the princess, she cannot simply sit on raw furniture.  Hi-evah, for as big of a princess as Bella is…she has the worst breath.  Ever.  Like face melting breath.  yeah, that bad.

Kris (Just Kris) typically stays horrified at the humping that goes on at night.  The Boy and I try to ignore it, we try to watch TV, but it’s like a big pink elephant (or monkey) in the room.  And we start to giggle.  And nothing seems to stop it.  And don’t think for one moment, that our laughter or Kris (Just Kris’) horror is enough to stop them…I mean, come on…everyone needs that quality time.  I do however think we will have to put them up when we have company…at the very least, we need to hide Petey and Monkey.

I will say that I no longer need to worry about ANYONE coming in the house unannounced.  They are “trigger” happy and the moment someone THINKS of knocking, they are barking.  And barking.  And barking.  The Boy has the hardest time with it, as everytime he enters the house, the room, the hallway, they bark.  And bark.  And bark.  In my dreams, I can hear it.

Our world revolves around kids and dogs now.  It’s a happy hum of activity and lots of love.  That’s the best thing about a dog…they will love you unconditionally.  Unless it’s 16 degrees outside and they just look at you like “I’m not going out there…you go.”  Then it’s every man, woman and dog for themselves…

I mean, I am no Petey or Monkey, but I think they like me…