In order to get this new blog up and running, I am finishing off several that I had started and had not completed, then you will have lots of fresh new posts for a while then…..nothing….
you know me…I am a slacker.
So this new chick in my life, Kris (Just Kris), is one of those people that doesn’t meet anyone she doesn’t know or know of or knows someone that knows someone…you know…she’s like that game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
but sometimes, it’s really funny…other times…it’s really, well, yeah, it’s still funny.
I submit the following:
We went to a get together with my friends from high school a while back. Folks I have known for twenty years. We went with my buddy Tanner (who will be posted about shortly!) and her sister, et al.
As the night wore on and drinks were consumed, it was discovered that Kris’ (JK) closest “friend” from high school actually dated the same guy that Tanner’s sister dated for 15 years. In fact, that evening, Kris (JK) had photos of said ex-boyfriend and ex-whatever-she-was in her truck.
The fact that I have known Tanner for twenty years and Kris(JK) for TWENTY SEVEN years was only suprising to me as I know NEITHER of the other folks…
As well as in the evening it is also discovered that Kris(JK) works with one of my most favoritest tuba players mother-in-law AND Tanner’s sisters best friend. My world, which seemed small when I got there, just kept getting smaller. And the more Tanner drank, the funnier it seemed to get to her…
Kris(JK) ended up needing to go to the ER about a month ago for what we can only confirm was her first migraine (no, I didn’t cause it!) Actually, she wasn’t going to go until I MADE her, which I guess lays the blame for this next debacle firmly at my feet.
So, seeing as we are in Aubrey and the rest of the world is an hour away, I have no choice but to call Whirly to come to the house and watch the Boy so I can take new girlfriend to the hospital. A small town hospital in the middle of the night on a Sunday…in the rain…SMALL TOWN FOLKS…
As my car was totalled, I had to drive Kris (JK)’s Yukon, which is actually in her ex-girlfriends name.
Got it so far? The ex girlfriend is watching my son so I can take new girlfriend to the doctor driving the new girlfriends ex-girlfriends car…
ok, keep up…it just gets better.
Well, Kris (JK) just sucks as a patient. Maybe it’s from being a police officer at a major county hospital in Dallas and seeing all that can be imagined…but yeah…she sucks as a patient. The nurse comes through and says “The PA will be here shortly to check on you.” Kris (JK) decides, oh no….not good enough, she wants to see a doctor…so we will have to wait. About a hour into waiting she decides her head is ready to explode and a PA is ok…but the nurse is snarky and says “well, we don’t want you to be uncomfortable with your care, it’s best you wait for the doctor now.”
(editor’s note: never piss off a nurse with a snarky attitude, they control the drugs.)
So we wait, patiently. The doctor comes in and checks on her making small talk and asks where she works, she tells him and here’s how the rest of this conversation goes…
Doc: “Oh, really? I did my residency there. Met my wife there too”
K(JK): “Oh yeah? who’s your wife? Maybe I know her.”
Doc: “Well her name was Dawn, her maiden name was blah-blah.” (will become more important that I didn’t catch this in about 10 seconds)
K(JK): “She’s got a son, Tyler?”
Doc: “Yes, he’s 19.”
K(JK): “Yes, I know her.” [cue side glance, smile and wink to me]
as he leaves the room…I get this statement:
K(JK): “He’s married to my ex-girlfriend Dawn. That I lived with and I helped raise Tyler.”
As it hits me and I begin to hysterically laugh at this, the nurse closes the door, cause I cannot keep it in check. this is pure greatness! what are the damn odds?
Are you following me still, let’s recap:
The ex-girlfriend is watching my son so I can take new girlfriend to the doctor driving the new girlfriends ex-girlfriends car…The doctor in the ER that we had to WAIT for is now married to my new girlfriends OTHER ex-girlfriend.
So, after totalling my car in October (boo hiss! ouch!!!) I had to get a new one, so we end up at a dealership in a small town about an hour away from me (like everything else in my friggin’ world). We spend THE DAY there and we have company. There’s another guy there that is looking at a new car and by the end of the day, we strike up a conversation. (Me asking what the graphics are in his protestic leg…you know me…)
During our conversation it comes up that he’s with the Fire Dept of some small town I haven’t heard of and his best friend is a police officer in another small town. His grandfather was with the DPD for 40 years before he retired and Kris (JK)’s dad was also with the DPD before he retired…getting smaller…hold on…it’s not over.
In this conversation Kris (JK) finds out that this guys grandfather and her father share land in said small town. That Kris (JK)’s mom was the matron of honor at this guys grandfathers 3rd wedding to her best friend. That this complete stranger has been to bar-be-ques and fishing on Kris (JK)’s dad’s property several times…
I have no choice but to behave at this point in my life…she’s got spies everywhere!