No, really, please tell me how YOU are doing…

ok, so here’s the horoscope for today:

Here is your Today’s Cancer Horoscope:
Someone close needs to hear how things are going with you — and you should open up, even if you’re not totally cool with how things have been going. Your honesty should score major points!
Here’s the irony of this.  No, I really won’t score any major points for my honesty today.  I haven’t scored any points for my honesty in so long, I am afraid that I OWE the Powers That Be any points I may have previously collected.
As much as I want to remain positive.  As much as I want to remain hopeful, I seem to keep getting bogged down in how others feel.  How MY actions are affecting THEIR feelings.  That for some reason every step and breath that I take can/will/has sent someone’s world a-spinnin’ and it’s up to me to fix it.
Well, the repair shop is closed for, well, repairs.
I can’t/won’t/will not be responsible for another adults emotions, lot in life, bank account, illness, housing situation, lack of bom-chicka-wow-wow, WHATEVER it may be.  The sympathy river has runneth dry.  Bone dry.
I understand I have done some truly shitastic things recently.  I understand that you think I didn’t take everyone into consideration when making my decisions.  I get that you think that I am alternately the niceest person or biggest bitch to walk upright.
Most days, you would be right.
Most days, I am probably both.
Here’s where the rubber meets the road.  I am exhausted.  Honesty takes alot out of a person.  Worn the hell out by apologizing over and over for whatever ails you.  Please share in the guilt that I feel for ruining your life, your world, your happiness. 
I have tried to be truthful and honest with folks, some want to hear it, others don’t.  I can’t make you hear what is said.  I can only back up my words with actions.  Honest, loving, words and actions. 
But quit telling me that I need to worry about me.  Quit telling me that I need to put my feelings first.  Quit telling me that I need to do something for myself.  Because if you say it, then you need to mean it.  And you don’t.
Phew!  I need to be me.  I need to be a mommy.  I need to be a daughter.  I need to be a sister.  An aunt.  A girlfriend.  Not in any particular order, but it seems that I am not doing any of this very well.  According to the folks that continue to point out my faults and mistakes to me.  
I want to remind people that you can’t unring a bell. (My FAVORITE motto).  That once you put the words out there in the universe, they can be forgiven, but not forgotten.   If you speak in love, and in that love speak with honesty and concern, then the words won’t hurt.  The words will give encouragement.  They will offer their own sympathy if needed.  Honesty, no matter how brutal, doesn’t have to hurt. 
If you don’t like where you live/what you do/who you are associated with, I can’t only offer to support you.  Give you my opinon/advice if asked.  Don’t think I don’t have one because I am not spouting off….oh….I do.  I always have an opinon.  ON EVERYTHING.  (ask my sister….)
I have learned that offering my opinion un-solicited only gets me in trouble.  Offering said opinion makes me look like a control freak.  And I am doing my level best to taper off my control freak tendencies.
I need a vacation.  I need to not be anywhere else but on a beach…with toes in sand…yep…that is exactly what I need. 
As adults, we have to deal with a certain amount of “poo” in our daily lives.  We all do.  None of us are exempt from the “poo.”  As adults, we need to remember that fellow adults are also dealing with their own “poo” and that it may be much more stinkier than ours and that we should keep our “poo”  to ourselves. 
You know….Mind Your Own Poo.
I am sorry if I didn’t get your requested check processed on your terms, but sweetie, I had 15 other people screaming for something else and well, 11 of them outrank you.  One I report to and the other signs my paycheck.  But keep not speaking and giving me the stink eye….cause that will make me want to help you next time.
I am sorry for the job you didn’t get.  Maybe because you weren’t qualified.  If they are asking for a CPA and you have experience as a check out girl at the local grocery store, chances are you aren’t getting the job.  But I would bet my liver it’s not because you are a woman, old, purple, into your cats or the interviewer has a wig-hate….it just means that wasn’t the job for you.  Try Kroger….
I understand that my moving the remote regions of the Austrailian outback is a hinderance for you.  I understand that it’s a bit of a drive to get anywhere other than Sonic, but it’s just as hard on me and I get to deal with beating myself up with every mile I travel.  So ease up.  I am trying to move back…again, on my terms.
I am sorry if your friends turned out to be douchebags.  I know it hurts now.  It will hurt for a long time.  Give it time, they will learn they are douchebags and that they didn’t deserve you in the first place.  Trust me.  The ones that matter, will remain.  And the space left by said D-bags will be filled with people that will care.  Don’t waste one more tear on that jerk.  They ain’t worth it.
Mr. Postman, you need to deliver my damn mail.  I get that the daughter parked her car on the street, but you can put the damn mail truck in park, open the door and take the 1.7 steps to the mailbox.  Trust me, it won’t hurt.  I do it allllll the time.  You’re a big boy!  You can do it.  If I have to go to the post office this weekend to get my mail….poo for you!  (not really, but it sounds funny!)
I need a week, just one week…with very little drama.  VERY LITTLE…like the dogs peeing on the floor or the dogs getting way too many treats…VERY SMALL DRAMA.
Like Bigfoot or the Lochness Monster, I don’t think it exists…