Home » Funny Folks. » Balls, I tell you. Balls.

Balls, I tell you. Balls.

so yeah…it’s amazing to me how folks can ask you the most inappropriate, most personal questions and they don’t even know your last name.

really.

Years ago, almost twelve to be exact…my sister recalled a story to me about how she had bumped into an ex of mine at a restaurant/bar (ok….a bar) and he asked how I was…this seems to be what was said, if memory serves (it does!)…

The Sister:  Hello Mr. Ex.

Mr. Ex:  Hello, blah, blah, blah….how is your sister?

TS:  She’s great, she’s married, got a beautiful 7 year old daughter and is seven months pregnant with her son.  She’s awesome.

Mr E:  Same father?

TS:  YES!!!!  you *@#&%*!!!!!  she’s not a @(#$$@*(!!!! slut….she’s been married for 9 years you @#@$*(*!!!!

I typically wouldn’t take offense to such questions, but it was my ex and he was a tool…so, well, no…I considered the source.  It corked the sister up for a week! 

I tell you that, simply because it was so not ANY of his business if I had kids with the entire 7th Fleet…I was just amazed that folks were that ballsy…

Until I joined the PTA. 

Yes, those PTA moms…the stay at home not work PTA moms…(cause you always have a few of those working moms that join to be a part of it all…we sit together at a table in the back with half our makeup on and chewing on a saltine at the meetings).  So I joined, because well, I was volunteered and I have a problem with saying “No!”

At first, I sorta fit in…I am one of those moms, the working married mom. 

Then I get divorced. 

Then I get gay.

Imagine being at a meeting with the other new mommies, getting to know each other over punch and butter cookies…and when asked how many and what grade it goes like this…

Pre-divorce, pre-gay…

Stephanie:   “Hello, I am Stephanie, I have a daughter in 7th and a son in kindergarten.”

PTA Moms:  “Hello!  You have your hands full!” [insert PTA laughter]

Post divorce, post gay…

Stephanie:   “Hello, I am Stephanie, I have a daughter in 7th and a son in kindergarten.”

PTA Moms:  “Hello!  You have your hands full!  Do they have the same father?  (or my favorite) Did you use the same donor?”

mmmmkay….for the record…the little tax deductions have the same father and mother (me).    If you must know, there was a miscarriage in between, now don’t you feel so much better?!?!

I am telling you.  Balls.  Folks have them.  And lack common sense and a filter.

Over the years I have been asked many questions that amuse me, rarely shock me and sometimes horrify me.  Simply because I wonder if people think EVER before they speak.

I have become the “poster child” for all breeders that are inquisitive about being gay or traditional (?) roles in a gay relationship.  I didn’t realize that when you “came out of the closet” so did every NUTJOB with a stupid question.

*sigh* not stupid questions, just brazen and ballsy. 

But I gotta hand it to them, if they have the gumption to ask, then I guess I have the duty to answer.

But please, let’s keep the Homo 101 to the broader terms.  Don’t think because I gots a girlfriend that I lost my common decency.  That only happens with a 12 pack of Coors Light (sorry Tanner!)

Because in the place of employ, I have been interrogated not once, not twice, but THREE times, twice by the same person, about who is the guy and who is the girl, if my kids were likely to be gay, did I cut my hair because I became gay, was I born gay?

BA-A-A-LLS….

And as I sat stuptified and amazed, they looked at me *blink!*blink!* waiting for the answer. 

okay…here:

*I am a girl, she is a girl…if there was any desire for a boy anything, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we?

*You would have to ask my kids if they were gay, go ahead, I dare you!

*No, [sigh] I didn’t cut my hair because I “got gay.”  I cut my hair in honor of some folks who lost a battle with cancer.  (now hopefully they feel like turds for this question!)

*No, actually I was born a girl.  The gay thing came later.

In deciding to move to and from a small town in the span of six months, I have been accosted with “What are you doing?”  “Why are you doing it?” “What does the Son or Daughter think?” “What about your deposit?”

hmmmm, very good questions, all of them…and none of them are your business, but here goes:

*I am moving back to Dallas. 

*Simple, my job, my family, my friends…all in Dallas.  That and the fact that we are blowing roughly $1,500 per month on gas and tolls and the fact that I am spending  13 HOURS per week driving.  Always driving.  You figure the rest out.

*The son and daughter get their own bedrooms, their own bathrooms and a pool again…the son was packed a week ago and the daughter finished day before we signed the lease.

*I am breaking my lease so I am losing my deposit, but seeing as I asked you to sell your kidney to get the money, I guess I owe you.

I guess in the end, I am just kinda over the personal invasions.  I really try not to weigh in on other people’s lives and I am REALLY trying to not be the opinionated ass that I have been in the past (note I am trying…) but I don’t believe I have ever, in all my days, asked anyone such personal questions.

Hell, it took me 6 weeks to find out what my girlfriend’s salary was.  And only then, she told me, cause I sure wasn’t asking!!!

Can I get in trouble if I just run around with tape?  So when someone gets the balls up to ask me a stupid question, I can just tape them up?!?!

My choice as to where…

4 thoughts on “Balls, I tell you. Balls.

  1. People really do ask the most intrusive of questions. It’s like they have no tact or decency!

    I love your answer to the “who’s the boy and who’s the girl?” question. You should have said “We’re both the girls, what don’t you understand about that?”

  2. I’m an Asian adoptee living in Australia. I get personal questions all the time. Why is it that when you’re a part of a “minority” group that everyone feels justified to ask you invasive and rude things but if you asked them the same things they’d be SO ANGRY and think you were SO out of line!!!

    Maybe when one of them tells you about their kids you should ask, “Same father?”
    Imagine what that would stir up!!

  3. i love you!!!!!! I know your heart and your mouth are always in the right…..I am proud of you and I thank God everyday that you are back in Dallas

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