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Take me back…

I have sat this weekend, my mind filled with memories of people who have touched my life.  People who I love and miss dearly.  It has made me value the ones I have chosen in my life.  My loved ones.  My soul sisters…my Tanner, my Kenner…my forces of nature.  It made me realize how lucky I am that in my lifetime, I have met extraordinary women and have experienced life altering events with them and how blessed I am to have these people in my orbit.  It also made me melancholy for a long ago time…

I spent some time last night with my Girl and one of her longest known friends, Charmaine.  Three hours to be exact, to be regaled in stories of elementary school pranks and high school hi-jinks.  I laughed so much my sides hurt when we left.  It was awesome.

And it made me start remembering those years, those innocent, drama filled/free (depending on how old you get) years and it make me wish for them again.  Or the power of memory to recall more of them.

I still have such a soft spot in my world for these people.  My Shawna, Ursula, Shelly, Robin, Lorri, Stacey…these were my sisters.  They taught me about makeup and boys.  Shoes and music.  Boys.  Always about the boys…(they didn’t allow gay folk in Mesquite, so I had to learn about THOSE all on  my own, years later…)

I hear songs and recall moments, when we had the world in the palm of our hands and at the same time, couldn’t wait to grab it by the balls and show it who was boss.  We have all gone our separate ways, taking us to different cities, different states and in some cases different time zones.  I crave to have them all in the same space again.  I crave to go back, to 15, 16 or 17 and do it all over again, knowing what I know now and just hold on.

Mostly, I can hear Magic Power by Triumph and Shawna is in my mind, front and center.  Or Modern English’s “Melt With You” and just yearn to be around Ursula.  There was such an innocence about these friendships.  I remember my first heartbreak and Ursula being there, my best friend…holding my hand as I cried over Dick Head Joel. 

I told the story this weekend of my friend Shawna, being the skinniest (and hottest, which well, she is) chick ever and having to go by size ZERO jeans and wanting to be so much like her.  From the flawless make-up to the rockin’ curly hair.  Her brother was my first “serious” crush and she was patient with me…God love her.

Or Robin…with the truck and no curfew…we had run of her house and made the best of it.  Some of our hardest laughter was with Robin…her laugh infectious. 

And Stacey and the Town Car.  We travelled far and wide in that car when we weren’t crammed in her Camaro.  I loved Mamma and Poppa Noe and wanted parents like that.  THANK GOD that they adopted all of us and loved us as if we WERE their own.  Stacey has a sweetness to her.  She would be your friend, just because, you didn’t need to do anything in return.  She was THAT nice.  If you were her friend, if you messed with us…she had a Camaro and knew how to use it!!!

Shelly with her sense of humor.  She did then and continues to see the world as her oyster.  She lives her life to the fullest and I am in awe and am so proud of her for her accomplishments.  I live closer to Shelly than most and I am shamed that I don’t do more to stay in touch. (note to self:  must correct this…)

Then there is Lorri.  Ahhhhh….Lorri…she was cool on a stick.  The badass of the group.  We wanted her with us, not against us (at least I speak for myself!) and no one ever fucked with Lorri.  She is one of the sweetest people I know.  And the MOST changed (aside from my whole gay thing)…a former Ozzy-ite.  Her goal was to meet and marry him….now….she has chickens and a country twang.  I still shake my head at this. 

We changed as we grew and things happened that pulled us in directions that we never anticipated and there are years that I missed as these girls stayed in touch.  Years that I regret missing…memories that I lost out on.  I couldn’t tell you the exact reason we drifted, I can tell you that whatever the hell I did or the situation was, it was due to me, to my actions and gracefully they forgave me and welcomed me back to the fold.  (note:  the only reason I do know this, is I found a letter from Ursula forgiving me, telling me what was done was done….but doesn’t mention what I did.  It was probably a jerk move and I have blocked it.  I was a turd for a few years.)

In our recent move, I found “Notebooks.”  Spirals filled with notes that we passed back and forth.  And sat for HOURS reading through them and the box of folded notes that I had saved.  It’s a large history lesson, with music high lights, movies of the time, boys that we liked and the gradual signs of maturity that we didn’t see that I can look back at and wonder about them…

These strong-will sisters shaped me.  Made me stronger.  I love them.  And even if I don’t stay in touch as often as I should, through the power of Facebok and MySpace, I feel a kinship to them that will never fade.

These friendships carried me through some of the hardest parts of my life and allowed me to nuture the friends that I have made through the years.  I guarantee I can call on these women at any moment and no matter what, they will be there for me. 

These women taught me the lessons of loyalty, of sisterhood and I thank them. 

I will always love them so…

2 thoughts on “Take me back…

  1. There must have been a certain vibe in the air yesterday for I, too, found myself sitting outside (enjoying the beautiful day & thanking God for it)and taking a walk down memory lane….a “kinda” remember when. How much fun it is to share those as you did yesterday!! Nothing like a good laugh to make your whole body stand up & take notice

  2. I’m afraid of the day I decide to sit and read through old “note notebooks” and the files of notes received from friends and boyfriends in high school. I’m truly afraid of that day.

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