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It’s not suprising…

there’s not much in the world that gives me pause, I mean there’s

*Organized religion



Seriously, she makes my head hurt on a good day.  God love her.  It’s scary how her brain works.  I can sit and muse over what actually goes on in her thought process.  It’s just that abstract and bizarre.  To know her is to absolutely love her. 

She needs a helmet most days.
And bubble wrap.

So a few months ago, we had a conversation and in her thought process, she decided that she wasn’t going to date this spring/summer.  It was to be the Summer of Tanner.  Let the fun begin.

I told her that as her best friend and Wing(Wo)Man, I would make sure than anytime I saw her talking to, dancing with, exchanging telephone number or spit with  anything female or remotely resembling something female, I would grab her by the back of the head and forcibly if necessary pull her away from her/it. 

I am not joking…

So today, I get an e-mail “Did you get my picture?” 

I asked “Of what?”

Her reply, “My cast.”


My response “Why do you have a cast?”

So she calls, because this explanation can’t be put into an e-mail or a text.  Oh no….it needs words…

Tanner:  “I was playing with Blake and he has this little baseball machine/little bat that you practice with/”

Me:  “yeah -“

T:  “Well, the bat wasn’t as heavy as I thought it would be and I decided to be a major league player and knock it out of the park….”

M:  “yeah – “

T:  “Well, I pulled a tendon in my wrist.  I have to wear the cast for two weeks.”

M:  “I guess it’s a good thing you have another hand….”

T:  *crickets….blink!  blinkblink…*

M:  “Way to go A-Rod.”

T:  “Maybe that should be T-Rod.:

M:  “Or A-Hole?”

T:  “Maybe I should get a girlfriend so that this kind of shit won’t keep happening…”

M:  “yeah….probably a good idea.  Good thing it’s your LEFT hand.”

We lamented over the lack of a rainbow-colored cast and how she didn’t deserve a pure-as-the-driven-snow white cast, and how it was a good thing that she just went with purple.  Because blue wasn’t gay enough.

I’m sorry, not blue.  Denim.

So ladies, don’t despair, I think we have her almost back on the gay wagon…I guess it’s just gonna take a pool party and futon at my place. 

Then the universe will be at peace…

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