there’s not much in the world that gives me pause, I mean there’s
Seriously, she makes my head hurt on a good day. God love her. It’s scary how her brain works. I can sit and muse over what actually goes on in her thought process. It’s just that abstract and bizarre. To know her is to absolutely love her.
She needs a helmet most days.
And bubble wrap.
So a few months ago, we had a conversation and in her thought process, she decided that she wasn’t going to date this spring/summer. It was to be the Summer of Tanner. Let the fun begin.
I told her that as her best friend and Wing(Wo)Man, I would make sure than anytime I saw her talking to, dancing with, exchanging telephone number or spit with anything female or remotely resembling something female, I would grab her by the back of the head and forcibly if necessary pull her away from her/it.
I am not joking…
So today, I get an e-mail “Did you get my picture?”
I asked “Of what?”
Her reply, “My cast.”
My response “Why do you have a cast?”
So she calls, because this explanation can’t be put into an e-mail or a text. Oh no….it needs words…
Tanner: “I was playing with Blake and he has this little baseball machine/little bat that you practice with/”
Me: “yeah -“
T: “Well, the bat wasn’t as heavy as I thought it would be and I decided to be a major league player and knock it out of the park….”
M: “yeah – “
T: “Well, I pulled a tendon in my wrist. I have to wear the cast for two weeks.”
M: “I guess it’s a good thing you have another hand….”
T: *crickets….blink! blinkblink…*
M: “Way to go A-Rod.”
T: “Maybe that should be T-Rod.:
M: “Or A-Hole?”
T: “Maybe I should get a girlfriend so that this kind of shit won’t keep happening…”
M: “yeah….probably a good idea. Good thing it’s your LEFT hand.”
We lamented over the lack of a rainbow-colored cast and how she didn’t deserve a pure-as-the-driven-snow white cast, and how it was a good thing that she just went with purple. Because blue wasn’t gay enough.
I’m sorry, not blue. Denim.
So ladies, don’t despair, I think we have her almost back on the gay wagon…I guess it’s just gonna take a pool party and futon at my place.
Then the universe will be at peace…