Happy New Year Y’all…

So, it’s the Eve of a new one.  It is true…the older you get, the faster time flies.   My head is full of nonsense and since this is my blog, allow me a moment to ramble…

I relish in my 40’s, not at all shy about my age, I wear it like a battle shield.  I have earned every experience, every mistake, every joy and every reward.  Damn….I.am.tired.

So, it’s the Eve, and I am filled with joy, happy and anxiety….are the carpet cleaners gonna be here on time?  The lawn guy?  And are the guests gonna show up?

New Year’s is about resolutions, to hope and to commitment.  It’s about new starts after old stops.  It’s about beginning.

Maybe this next year, I’ll get serious about a book.  Writing is an escape for me, it’s a hobby….not sure what I would every write about, but then, I have been blogging for years and I have found words for this….but it’s free, would anyone pay to read what I have to say?

I will see this year out with a few of my dearest and my closest.  Me and the wife, Morgen and the wife….we are hosting and bringing in the New Year with friends full of love and laughter.  I can’t wait!

New Year will bring yet another trip to Graceland.  This time with the wife, Ursula and her hubs.  As written to me in a text “I’m feeling pretty damn lucky today that we are both in a place that we can be like “Let’s meet at Graceland!” and it’s not just a big pipe dream…”  Amen to that Urs….I am so proud of the both of us, who ever thought, back in the day, sitting in your room, that we would ever dream to do such a thing.  I love you my friend!

Christmas was filled with such love, for the first time, EVER, I got to wake up with my bestie, my Kenner in the house.  This chick is my strength and my rock.  I no longer wonder where I stand, I know it’s back-to-back with this one and we are forever friends…I will even watch her favorite movie with her…again and again…cause that’s what friends do!  This chick is the goods and I love her dearly.

My kids, my family…they fill me up with love.  The daughter said it was her best Christmas ever…which brought tears to many an eye, simply because you want to give them their heart’s content and when you do, you feel accomplished.  The Boy, hasn’t begun to speak yet, still so busy with his new games and new phone, I am assuming it’s his best yet too!

My wife, my love in life….words don’t express the depth of my feelings for this lady.  She is the other half to me and I treasure each and every moment in time.  She makes my everyday Christmas and I am the luckiest person breathing because she chose me.  She chose me first, last and every moment in between.  She loves me like no other and that gives me a sense of peace and centeredness that is impossible to explain.

I look forward to 2012.  2011 rocked, flew by, but was amazing….I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

Happy New Year WorldWideWeb family….Happy New Year!

Be safe, be kind, love out loud!

 

NoH8. Ever.

I want to share a link with you.  I want to share an experience with you.  I want to share a feeling with you.

It’s the feeling of belonging to something bigger than you.  More powerful with each person.  It’s a feeling of WE can affect a change.  It’s within each of us.

In October, I, along with my wife and two of my dearest friends, participated in the Dallas NoH8 Photo Shoot.  It was simple enough, show up, look pretty, wear white and share a message.

A message that is simple….there’s not room for hate in love.  Love is love.  Period.  End.of.story.

Adam Bouska started this movement, to silently protest Prop 8 in California.  And he has continued to spread the word, to share the fight, to take breathtaking photos of everyday people who only have ONE thing in common.

We love.

Check his website, join the cause…. visit here.

And check this out….

photo courtesy of Adam Bouska

Hello.Again.

Wow!  Has it really been 60+ days since I actually had anything to say?!?  Not really….but a nasty case of writers block and a surly temperment for a spell reigned in any attempt to write quippy, sweet or positive anything….best I keep the BS to a minimum, you aren’t really hear to listen to me bitch about all things Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann or the Respondent are you?  nah….me either…I don’t have the energy….

It’s been a busy couple of months, I have seen three trips to Houston, a trip to Galveston, a trip to Nashville, Memphis, Hot Springs and last but not least New Braunfels.

I have seen Houston Space Center, Schlitterbahn, the Blue Bird Cafe, the Ryman, Graceland and some of the prettiest driving ever….

I have survived three trips to the State Fair…opening day with Richard & Jami (and fabu Sandy!), two weekends later  with Kenner, Cory & the wife (narrowly missing a run in with a Human Turd), and closing weekend with the family.  I have survived beer, corny dogs, beer, giant stuffed animals, face painting, beer….indigestion.

I have survived a trip to Six Flag remarkably close to the end of the said fair…and I needed beer…

I have survived the summer spent in hell….literally, it was hotter than just that all friggin summer, burned off any reminder that we spent several weekends, several hundred dollars, sweat, Ibuprofen and beer, laying St. Augustine in the backyard.

I survived assisting (supervised…I digress) in moving folks from Wylie to Garland, from Las Colinas to Garland….what is the fascination with the “Land of Gar” folks?  I just got the wife out of there a couple of years ago (you’re still welcome Beast! 😉 lol…not really)

I survived Halloween, pre-Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving TIMES two….in one day….and so far too many holiday functions to count.  And I have two more weekends to get through, plus hosting a NYE fete with Kris, Morgen and her Mrs.

Holy hell…..

I.am.exhausted….

I love my life.  I love my life.  I love my life.

Wanna know what I love….

That with the trip to Galveston and the Space Center, I got to see the boys eyes light up with wonder and with imagination.  That on the beach, we could play and sit and talk and build sand castles….and his smile set me free.

That with the State Fair, I got to experience it with two of my favorite people….I got to eat Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly Sammiches with Sandy and Fried Frito Pie with my Kenner.  I got to see Rozann and Misty….I got Fletchers….I got to take my kids and ride the Texas Star (I did it…I didn’t enjoy it at first, but would totally do it again!)

With Six Flags, my kids got to do something I have never been able to do with them….Six Flags…they loved the roller coasters, well, Maggie did….Riley is my chicken little and stayed right next to mamma….

With the trip to Nashville, I spent some truly quality time with my wife.  Truly, just the two of us.  Alone, exploring….and I fell more in love with her with every moment.  We were there for the beginning of Occupy Nashville which was awkward…and saw the Parthenon and a 42′ statue of Athena, talk about making me feel petite…

With the trip to Graceland, I got to experience something I never thought I would…I got to see Elvis through her eyes…I don’t have words for how amazing this experience was.  Other than we are planning a trip in less than a month to go back with Ursula and her Mr. if I can swing year end reporting at work….(I’ma workin’ on it, I’ma workin’ on it…)

And now, Christmas is upon us.  House is decorated, with the exception of some finishing touches that I plan to hit this weekend…shhhh….the wife doesn’t know…yet.

Life is good.  Life is not to be taken for granted.  Each day is a blessing.  Each person who I come in contact with impacts my life in that moment.  And I don’t have anyone in my life that impacts it negatively.  At all.

From the cashier at the grocery store who knows my name, that I know her sons by name….to the sales rep that makes me smile, just by frustrating me because he doesn’t know better.

From the mother that finds me to be her favorite hobby and calls me about the most random of things to the sister, who with her faith, finds the silver lining in EVERYTHING.

From the bills, to the laundry.  From the alarm clock to the timeclock….my life is full of bliss, grace, love and laughter…

And with that, the writers block lifts…

I found me again.

The rules of driving, Texas-style.

So, as most know, I am bossy.  I have rules that must be followed.  They aren’t hard; more common sense than anything, you know, like don’t walk and chew gum if you can’t multi-task….that kinda thing.

I guess it goes to show that there must also be rules for driving.  Seriously, am I the ONLY person that went to driver’s ed?  Did everyone else get their license outta the gumball machine?!?!??!!  Cause it’s not easy…

I submit, the Rules of Driving, Texas-Style:

  • It’s a car.  Therefore, when it hits something else, it will cause damage.  Think of it as a rolling battering ram.
  • First and foremost, folks, put the fucking cell phone down.  You should not be texting, facebooking, making reservations or cropping your latest profile picture behind the wheel of the car.  Especially while anywhere near me on any stretch of road.
  • Eating soup is not conducive to safe driving.
  • If a large black SUV is hauling ass up behind you, do not slow down to a crawl….I will pass you, give you stink eye and slow down in front of you.
  • Lady….there’s not enough makeup to help….and the lighting in the rearview mirror sucks….eyes on the road please.
  • It’s rain.  If you can’t drive on the dry roads, park the car on overcast days and take the bus.
  • Alternately, in the winter, there is this stuff on the road, called ice.  It’s frozen rain.  See above.
  • Hanging your shirt out the window is a really odd alternative to WASHING it.  I understand there are “degrees” of clean, but if your shirt smells THAT bad….buy some Tide and give it a shot.
  • Turn that shit down.  If  I wanted to hear you singing, I would buy your CD….oh, don’t have a recording contract….?  There’s probably a reason.
  • I can see you picking your nose.  That’s not a booger….that’s brain matter….stop when you feel resistance.
  • If you are gonna fight with your passenger or person on the phone, roll down the window, we all want to hear.
  • And dude….whatEVER you were doing….it looked WAY worse in my rearview mirror.  And if that is what you were doing….ewwww….get a room!

I do alot of driving nowadays….my commute is over 30 minutes.  Most of the time, I turn on Russ Martin and just drive….but I get lucky every now and then and get to see some truly weird shit…

  • The Nutter Butter car….which made me hungry.
  • Bozo the Clown driving a Volvo.  Awesome!
  • The wife’s ex-Beast’s twin sister, which almost caused me to wreck my car….but I realized this chick was skinnier…
  • The smallest woman ever to drive.  Seriously, she had to be sitting on three phone books….and it was a Rio….so cute!
  • An 18 wheeler decked out like Optimus Prime….paint job and chromed out….it was AWESOME!!! Had I not been going 75 mph….I would have taken a photo….that awesome.
  • The guy with the Jason mask hanging from his rearview mirror last Halloween….yup…even I changed lanes.

I am east bound and down…loaded up and trucking…

I Remember.

(I wrote the blog below 4 years ago…I hurt today for so many reasons.  I honor memories of loved ones lost.  I honor the fortitude of those that don’t let today break them, that stand up and fight back…to show the world that we are stronger than they think. 

I honor my dad, who would be 70 today and dream of what my life would be like if he were still here…)

September 10, 2007 – Monday

Tomorrow I am going to be reminded of a horrible event, something that I still cannot get my mind around.

The attack on the Twin Towers.  I was on my way to work at Wyndham when I heard about it on the radio.  I got to the office to see dozens of people in the halls, staring at the televisions.

In my small vision, I made my way through the maze of people and got to my office, to find Ed and Darren wheeling televisions into the learning annexes.  There were people crowding into cubicles to see the jammed internet for any information.

I followed Ed & Darren to the annex, and to my shock and horror, I saw the fire, I saw the smoke….I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  I must have made a noise, because Darren grabbed my hand and just held it.  Ed put his arm around my shoulder.  As I stood there, I watched one, then two marvels of modern architecture crumble to the ground.  I realized I was crying.  For all those people, and I was praying it was quick and they were already on their way to their final spot.

As I sit here, 6 years later, on the eve of the most shocking event in my lifetime, I lift up these survivors, these heroes, these families that lost loved ones.  I lift them up with a sadness in my heart that I am incapable of explaining.  By the grace of God, I knew no one that was hurt or killed.  But my unshakable belief in the goodness in all people was ripped away.

As I sit here, 6 years later, I wonder why we are in Iraq.  I want someone to explain to me why we are fighting this war, my generation’s Vietnam, because it sure isn’t about September 11th.

We are not honoring the men and women who lost their lives by sending our men and women to fight a war that should have never been started.  These are mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, that are risking their lives day in and day out, someone just tell them the truth, tell them why they are doing so, give them the respect of that.

I lift up these families, these men and women, who have and have not survived, risking their own lives to preserve my freedom.  To make sure the war doesn’t come to my backyard.  To protect my children.  They will never know my name, or my face, yet they will risk everything to honor their country.  It’s time we honor them.

And in the twilight of tomorrow, I will remember one more thing….

It was my dad’s birthday.  He would have been 66.  I cherish my memories of him.  It hurts now to think of him, to miss him so much that my heart aches.  I am so glad he is in a better place than this.  That I don’t have to worry about him, about getting that phone call anymore.  He is at  peace.

Doesn’t help me right now.  I want him here.  I want him to make sense of it all for me, like he did when I was four.  When he was the biggest hero of them all, he could do everything.

Happy Birthday Sam Gary Tullos.  I love you.  I miss you.

Godspeed to you all.

Republican, stupidity, tomato, tahmato….

From my archive and with her “reminder” today, I only find it fitting that I break out an oldie, but goodie.

Freedom of speech does not mean, get out there, show your ass and fill the world with your hateful and hurtful rhetoric…

Suck eggs Sally Kern, suck eggs…

 

March 10, 2008 – Monday

Current mood: pissed off

 

Meet Sally Kern, one peach of a Republican…..

kern.jpg

This woman is a STATE REPRESENTATIVE for Oklahoma.  While I agree that she has every right to hate me and others like me and to voice her opinion, I don’t for one moment believe that she deserves the right to speak out in a manner such as this and be a “representative” of a collective whole of people who chances are, do not feel as she does.

Sally Kern ranting about gays.

If you know anything about me, I am not a politically forward person for the most part, I am getting more so, paying attention more, so below is the e-mail I sent to Sally Kern just now.  While I was good and pissed.

___________________________________________________________

Ms. Kern,

You are not my state representative, however, I am shocked and saddened by your speech.  You may not have wanted everyone to hear it, but I am shocked that you wanted anyone to hear it.  You should be embarassed and ashamed of yourself.  I sincerely doubt that you are.  That saddens me too.

Apparently, I am trying to convert toddlers (gotta get that toaster oven), I am much more dangerous than any terrorist and that I am diseased.

Well, “Ms.” Kern, you are who I think is more dangerous, your words are more powerful than mine.  You are the one I think is diseased, your heart is filled with hate for people you will never know.  I feel sad for you.

I feel sad that school teachers struggle day in and day out to teach our children to be intelligent and strong and you single handedly set them back.  Why do they spend their time teaching these children to be fair and respectful and you can’t muster the same?  You should be ashamed!

I am sad that you stereotype people in Oklahoma.  I know people in Oklahoma and transplanted from Oklahoma.  They are dear sweet people without an ounce of this hate in them.  You do not represent the Oklahoma they are proud to call home.  Not with this speech.

I am sad that you Ms. Kern, don’t know me and yet wouldn’t care to get to know me because I love a girl.   Your loss, not mine.  Definitely not mine.

Lastly, I am sad at how many THOUSANDS of US soldiers over the decades have lost their lives to protect your ignorant, hate filled free speech.

And by the way, Ms. Kern…..there have been gays around the ol’ USofA for SEVERAL decades……’bout as long as Republicans.

Thank you, for showing me EXACTLY why I vote Democrat.

Sincerely,

____________________________________________________________

Oklahoma representative Sally Kern refused to apologize for her disgusting statements this past weekend.

Instead, she defended her hateful words.

So….

If YOU wanna let good ol’ Sally know how you feel, we suggest you get in touch with her!

Ms. Kern’s contact information:

Capitol Address:
2300 N. Lincoln Blvd. Room 332
Oklahoma City, OK 73105
(405) 557-7348.

District Address:
2713 Sterling Ave.,
Oklahoma City, OK 73127.

Email: sallykern@okhouse.gov

or

srkern@cox.net

The Lightness of Being.

I am not really sure the exact moment it was, but I can tell you it was roughly in the last 18 months.

In the last 18 months, I quit giving two left testicles about things I could not control.  Not that I had two left testicles or any testicles for that matter, contrary to popular belief…

Yep…I decided to clear out the bullshit and let go of the…well, bullshit.

We were watching an update tonight on Hoarders.  Not a huge fan of that show…not like, Design Star or Rock of Love, you know educational shit…but I watch when I wanna just know that someone has more shit than me.  ‘Cept my shit was all in my head…I was hoarding in my head….thankfully…no dead cats….but lots of baggage.

I hoard other folks problems.  I take them in.  I listen.  I fix when I can and then dwell on it when I can’t.  You name it, if someone had a problem, I was there…bad skin, bad friends, family issues, sexual identity issues, bad weaves, cramps, flat tires, flat boobs….I was there….listening, taking it on…and hoarding it.

Know what it got me?  exhausted, hurt, disrespected, lied to, taken advantage of and twelve pesky pounds I can’t seem to lose…

I STILL get told that I have changed.  Funny enough, it’s by people who have known me forever.  And there are two differing opinions on it.

(1) I have changed for the worst.   That I am short, judgemental and closed off.
(2) I have changed for the better.  That I am more confident, reserved, funnier and happier.

I am so gonna go with option #2.  Here’s the Why….

My dad told me YEARS ago, “You can’t change yesterday.  You can’t plan tomorrow.  All you can do is learn.  And love. But above all be honest and know your worth.”

I have a limited amount of time left on this rock.  We all do.  I am not going to spend the rest of my days worrying about things I can’t change.

I learn from my mistakes and I learned that I was/am/will be a control freak.  I just have to dial it down.  I seem to take the control freak issues out on the poor reps at work…but it’s ok…a nice healthy level of fear is good, right?  I have had to learn to hold other’s responsible and not do everything for everyone or in the end….I hurt the ones I love more by not making them more self-sufficient.

In the same breath, I have learned that drama, in any form other than on a flat screen is exhausting.  I am not built for drama.  And I have really gotten out of the habit of being around it.  I think at this point, I am allergic to it.  I have found that it has left me with decidedly fewer friends than before, but then again….if they were drama and exhausting, were they really “friends” to begin with?

And as for judgemental…I don’t have a judgemental bone in my body.  Mocking you and laughing at you is not judgement…it’s amusement.  I leave judgement for the good Lord above.  He’ll take care of that when the time comes.

I am more confident.  I know me better than I have in any other time in my life.  I know my likes, my loves, my heart, my head, my quirks, my health…I know me.  And I like me.  (‘cept those 12 fucking pounds)

My life is way more calm.  I sit, get still….and I am just me, in that moment.

I am more reserved than ever.  I don’t give everything I have to everyone.  Because I have learned not everyone appreciates what I have to offer.  Or they want more and use me up.  I hold back.  I don’t pop off as soon as something hits my brain…my filter kicks in.  I no longer go for the jugular in an argument, hell….most of the time, I don’t even engage.  Alas, don’t think because I am quiet doesn’t mean if you keep pushing you aren’t gonna get Old School Stephanie that will whip your ass with a word or two…just don’t push me in that corner…

I get over things a whole lot faster and hold on to nothing any longer.  It doesn’t do any good….and it only causes bitterness in me.  And I don’t like being bitter.  I like, no, I LOVE laughing….I LOVE being happy….seeing the funny in so many different things, I feel lighter in my heart, in my soul.

It’s a lightness I have searched for all my life.

Doesn’t mean I forget the harsh words, the hurts….it means that I remember them.  I let the hurt and anger go…and at the end of the day, there may not be anything left to feel but forgiveness….and that may be all.  But it’s a bridge we cross when we get there, if we get there….it could be best to just shake hands and walk away.

Cause I am not going to ever let go of that lightness…it’s beyond description…

Photo Challenge – Day 30.

Here we are, the last Photo Challenge.  And it only took 60 days for me to finish.  Just think, now we go back to our regular broadcasting…

Day 30 – A picture of someone you miss.

If you know me, you know this…

My daddy.  My Hero.  My Protector.

No man will ever hold a candle to him.  I miss him to my core everyday.  I miss his laugh, his smile, his cologne, I miss everything about him.

When I am at my weakest, when I am at my saddest, I think of him…of how he would want me to act, how he would want me to hold my head high, to rise above it and most of all, to be a lady.

God…I miss him so….

I wonder if he would approve, not of my lifestyle, but of the woman I have become.  I have been told over and over, I am his likeness.  That I have grown into Sam’s daughter.  I am very proud of that.

I think that I am more like him every day.  I am more reserved like him, I sit back, take it all in and then make a move like him.  I talk like him and sadly as I get older, I am making those old people noises when I stand…like him, however I was recently told I am beginning to walk like my mother, which is hysterical…I think.

Dad…I miss you.  It breaks my heart that you aren’t here with me…you are always WITH me, but to not see you, to not be in your presence is a break that won’t go away.

I love you daddy….

Photo Challenge – Day 29.

Day 29 – A picture that can always make you smile.

Calvin and Hobbes. Always.

I have always loved comics….it’s something from my father, who was a comic creator, so watching him draw his “Rank and File” artist cells, I was hooked and fascinated.  These two have long been a favorite of mine.

This happens to be my wallpaper on my computer at work.  And everyday, I smile, just seeing it.  Calvin could be EveryKid at some point…

And for the moms and dads out there deal with us….thank you and we are sorry….

Photo Challenge – Day 28.

Day 28 – A picture of something you’re afraid of.

I can’t.  I can’t bear to post a picture of it…I literally got chills and gagged just trying to find a picture of one….

So, I will tell you, as long as you don’t laugh at me…

Locusts.

There.  I said it…

I know they are the sound of summer…but not when they are buzzing my head on the porch.  And not when the wife is videotaping me freak out as she picks one up.  Yeah, that was fun…

They completely freak me out and when they are close, I will turn into a 6-year-old girl and scream and run, er, walk very fast to get away!

Blech.