Photo Challenge – Day 9

Day 9 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

It’s a toss-up between several, but when I think of the person who has had my back in some of my darkest hours, who has been there making me laugh until drinks come out my nose…hands down…she’s the pick of the litter…

My Kenner!

Let me be clear…day in, day out, over the past 15+ years, this chick has been by my side.  And I was again, reminded this past weekend why she is the best friend anyone could have.  As we sat on the patio for hours and many beers, it became apparent…she is a big, HUGE part of my life.

What is the icing on the cake, is she has quickly and completely become great friends with my girl…and that, makes me a very happy girl!!!  The wife gets almost as excited as I do when she says “I’m comin’ to Dallas, get my room ready!” 

It makes me happy that she can see me, really see me and see that I am ok….and when I’m not, she’s right there…her acceptance of me, my life, my partner, her unconditional love and acceptance of all of it, make her shine that much more!

Kendra, you have been my rock, my soldier, my safe place for longer than I can remember.  I can’t thank you enough for all that you do, for all that you say….

I can’t PAY you enough to keep all my secrets, so I thank you for taking it out in Taco Bueno and Coots Light trade…

Here’s to many more years…


Aaaaauuugggghhhh!!!!! I have had it!!!!!
I have spent the better part of the last 18 months being the “bigger person.” Not addressing shit that needs to be addressed and I have taken it and taken it….shoved it down and ignored it.
About 6 weeks ago, I went to a benefit for a local charity. As I knew would happen, I ran into folks that I hadn’t seen in many months. It was awkwardly pleasant, as I spent the first part of the evening dodging them and avoid the uncomfortable…then I decided, “fuck it!” I am not here for them, I am not here to be anything other than authentically me. And I forgot to worry about it, about them.
As will happen, you will run into the most uncomfortable of these situations right when you are supposed to, right? So I smiled, I hugged, I made pleasant small talk. As we are wrapping it up and almost clear for our getaway, I get a smile, a touch on my arm and a “The past is the past. It’s time to move forward….”
I don’t remember the rest of it, because I was so shell-shocked and blown over by the condescending attitude, the imperial demeanor, that I had to get away. This person hasn’t spoken to me in OVER A YEAR. And yet, wants to let me know that it’s all good now….because they said so?!?!
Move forward? really? because I haven’t? Ummmm… house? check. recently married? check. kids are awesome and happy? check. the boy on A/B Honor Roll? check! Methinks I have moved waaaayyyyyy forward. Haven’t looked back once. Nada. Zero. Zip.
Well, as we know, I tend to stew on things and this kept popping up in my head from time to time…with the same pat on my arm. The same smile that didn’t reach the person’s eyes. The same motherly tone, like I was a bad child. And it spins me out…luckily, I am usually alone when it happens and can work it out on my own so I don’t have to vent it out loud…but the wife agrees…passive agressive isn’t what was appropriate at that moment. Or from that person…oh well, pfftp!
It happened again this week….someone else….another “victim” that is well over the age of consent and I apparently am God-like and can affect everything from their life to the tsunamis and the economy. Now, if I could only get the kids to pick up their rooms….I would ROCK!!!
This song by Adele has been stuck in my head for a bit…and it always seems to make me see things a bit stronger. It speaks to me, as some songs are prone to do…but it’s in the lyrics, the words…
“Finally, I can see you crystal clear, go ahead and sell me out and a I’ll lay your ship bare; See how I’ll leave with every piece of you, don’t underestimate the things that I will do…” – Adele, Rolling in the Deep, 2011.
It seems to be on the radio every 10 minutes and I crank it up every time I hear it…I dig Adele…period!
As I was cruising around the WorldWideWeb, I came across this little “nugget” …
Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. – Maya Angelou. WHAM!!!! I realized what it was that was holding me back, that was pushing me down. And I decided right then and there…. All around me.

See, I have allowed others to speak their mind, their insane minds and not reply. Not argue and to allow them to paint me in whatever light they have chosen to. According to many, I am not nice. I am Satan. I am the Devil Incarnate. Fuck, I got folks talking shit about me that I don’t even know. (Word to the wise….this world is SMALL…you never know who knows who and what gets back to people…yeah…it’s fucking small…so when you like to run your mouth about stuff, make sure you gots your facts right….cause I do and can prove so!))

Really? Satan? Me? Nahh…..Maybe. I haven’t gotten my horns or tail yet, perhaps they are on back order…

No, not really. See….unlike others, I am an adult. I don’t create drama. I don’t foster drama. I don’t allow bullshit in my life. It’s best these folks walk away…go be drama whores somewhere else. Cause you won’t find that here…I don’t want people to hurt. To be angry, to be sad. Life’s too short to be lived with this…fill your life with love and respect and faith…with so much of each that you can’t feel anything else.

Trust me….it’s wonderful when you do this….simply wonderful!

So, it’s the bitterness that keeps me held back, keeps creeping in, keeps hurting me. It’s the bitterness that people don’t remember that there is more than one side to every story…yours, mine and the truth. That people take sides without a thought to the other person…the other person that invested in that friendship, that relationship…they put time and effort in and *poof!*

Well folks, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret….you got some bad facts….I guarantee, you got fed a pack of lies…hope they went down easy….

It’s the anger that turns to bitterness that some people are so easily led by others. That they live their lives as follower. They won’t/can’t/don’t have an original thought and are put in a position of choices that are not their own. Here’s the sad fact…the person you are usually following…won’t have your best interests at heart…simply what you can do for them. Find your OWN drummer…march to your OWN beat. Know YOUR worth. Never let anyone else dictate what you are worth, show them…

It’s the anger that turns to bitterness that others play victim. It’s your own circumstance. You AREN’T a victim, so grow a pair, stand up and say, “yeah….I own this. I was in it….I didn’t bring my A-game either….” down.
I am done being the bigger person. If you folks had been half the people you THINK you are, we would still be in each other’s lives.
I guarantee you….you were never my “best” anything…I may have been yours, but there wasn’t any effort from you on any level. At least never for more than the time it took for you to get whatever you wanted. You used me, you used my family, you used my trust, my faith, my love and my respect.
If I ever went back to the beginning, I can look at things that should have been HUGE red flags and should have walked away years before I did. I can only say thank you for what I got out of it all…
I should have looked harder, trusted my instincts more…as much as you folks are my “victims,” trust me, you have left quite a wake of people behind you…
You aren’t a victim, you aren’t an injured party. Suck it up, get a helmet…
Fuck you. You should come with a warning label.
As for any of your “friends”…word to the wise…
  1. Make sure you only have time for them. These people are attention junkies. You should have no kids, family, pets, or outside influences that they do not approve of.
  2. Be able to live with “creative” truth. These people will make shit up, I believe just to see if you are listening….they didn’t do the things they will tell you they did.
  3. Hope you like gambling…if their mouth is moving, you gots a 50/50 shot at the truth. You feeling lucky?
  4. Give me a call when it all blows up….we can start a support group…

Now, I am not gonna name any names, I am not going to “out” people just because I have a bit more class than others. I will say it’s not always who you THINK it is…so jump to your conclusions, make your stories up, talk about me and my drama…

But look at who’s doing all the talking….it sure isn’t here…

Photo Challenge – Day 8.

Day 8 – A picture that makes you laugh.

There’s so much wrong with this that it’s pure greatness.

Me and Urs…one of my dearest, dearest peoples.  She’s been my friend for so long, I don’t remember a time WITHOUT her being there.  I love this chick.  I wanna be her when I grow up.  (She’s actually YOUNGER than me, so go figure!)

We were on vacation when this was taken.  We decided the red hats weren’t enough…oh no….we needed DUCKFACE!!! 

I miss you Urs….we need another vacation!!!

Photo Challenge – Day 7.

Day 7 – A picture of your most treasured item.

So we, the wife, the daughter and I were cleaning the garage out one Saturday several months back…the discussion turned to me and how I let people affect me. After some tense conversations regarding me, how I let folks walk all over me, how I care more about what the wrong people think of me than the right people…all things that at the time, I knew were true and I was a work in progress.  I felt pretty raw, pretty emotional and that “they” were winning…I dug into the dust and dirt…

Then my wife was digging in a box with her back to me, the daughter doing something else and I found….this….

Sometimes, there aren’t enough words…

I couldn’t speak.  I think the only sound that escaped me was a whimper, because the wife and the daughter both turned and rushed to me.

If this wasn’t, in that moment, heaven-sent to show me my worth….then I don’t know what is…

My father has been gone for 13 years.  I haven’t seen this certificate in at least twenty years, I didn’t even know I had it!  It was as if my dad was looking at me saying “Yes, Stephanie, listen to your daughter, listen to your wife….they love you, they know you…suck it up and let go of those that drag you down.  You are amazing and loved….”

And I am again, speechless, thinking of that moment, on that day….when others were winning.

Daddy lifted me up and the tide turned, right.about.then.

Thanks Dad!

Photo Challenge – Day 6.

Day 6 – A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.

Hands down, I have said it over and over….

Daisy Mae Doodle Bug

I love this pup….she’s old, she’s bossy, she’s cranky and takes no shit from anyone or any other pup.  I have long said if I had ONE super power, it would be the ability to read this dogs mind.  I know that she understands EVERY word I say and it frightens me…

I have no doubt that this dog has the mind of a true smart ass.  She’s a girl after my own heart!!!!  And my favorite time of the day with her is in the morning, when we put makeup on together.  Yes, this pup gets makeup EVERY day…she loves it.  I think.

I wanna come back in my next life as DoodleDog. 

I love this pup….immensley!

Photo Challenge – Day 5.

Day 5 – A picture of your favorite memory.

I have so many favorites.  I have to say my most recent was this:

“With this ring, I thee wed…”

I have so many favorite memories with so many different people.  This one is powerful for me on so many levels.  Marrying someone I have known for more than half my life, who knows me and loves me unconditionally.  Marrying someone legally, not just on paper…to know that no matter what, in that moment, on that day…I became Mrs.

I love that.

Photo Challenge – Day 4.

Day 4 – A picture of your night.

Pretty simple….family.  Laundry.  Dinner.  F.A.M.I.L.Y….

No, I don’t actually spill mac & cheese all over the floor….but all the other photos of the house and/or me cooking…involve a holiday….and it’s too much pressure to choose just one.

I love how full our lives are….how we run from the moment we all get up to the moment we fall into our beds.  We have busy lives and this place, this home….is our sanctuary.  There is only love and happy allowed in this place. 

If you are friend (which means family) or genetically linked to any of us…welcome.

We have been expecting you…