Gay, shmay.

Long ago, I took a stance on gay marriage, albeit a very stupid one that I now look back on as me, being sheltered, being small and being one to go along with being “the exception.”

I thought I would be avant garde, being the lesbian against gay marriage.  That I saw it as a man and woman; like in the bible.  Yep….even blogged about it.  Not that I was against IT, I just didn’t need a piece of paper to be committed to my partner.

I was an idiot.

I woke up, really WOKE up, when I realized the folks that are “against” gay marriage, that are using the Bible and religion as their platform….well, let’s just say, if that’s the “Christian” thing to do, then I have been wrong about my religion for a long time.

See, my religion doesn’t interfere with my politics.  In truth, I wouldn’t say I am a “religious” person, I would say I am a spiritual person.  I have a beautiful relationship with my God, my definition of God and it works for me.  I have friends that will tell me I am wrong, that I have to choose a side, that I have to choose a religion.

Here’s my take on it.  God is all things, in all things….and God forgives.  Yes, I get that there are those that think there is a vengeful side, but my bestie said it best to me…

“Steph, God gave us free choice, He didn’t make us free of consequences.”

She is amazing.  This has been on my mind since she said it.

So, I get that God is kind, I get that God is vengeful….but I don’t get that God CARES what religion I am as long as I behold Him, as long as I live a good and just life.

I don’t believe that he cares if I am gay.  Or married.

I don’t think that God has appointed ANY politician as His spokesperson.

OKAY, so back to the topic (I tend to ramble)…gay marriage.  I woke up one day and realized that the people MAKING the laws weren’t doing so because of religious conviction….far from it.  I don’t suspect a single solitary politician does anything for the good of anyone.  But I am jaded, chubby and irritable about politicians and think that the government is an antiquated system that doesn’t work, hasn’t worked and won’t work until they focus on what they should.

Budget, taxes, Americans.  Vets, education, Social Security.   I could go on and on….

I don’t think that the biggest thing in any debate, any election, on any political platform should ever be MARRIAGE.  Of any kind.  Seriously? My kids will never have the arts programs in school that I had because of budget cuts….and Mr. Politician is more worried about the fags…

For anyone to tell me I am right or wrong because of who I love….well, that’s not very Christian of you Mr. Politician, but go ahead and ask me for a donation…and listen to the dial tone.

For anyone to tell me I am going to burn in hell because I am gay….see you there, because I believe that you should leave the judgements to Him.  Just sayin’.

Yeah….I have grown.  I have changed.  My mind, my attitude and my beliefs.

I believe that the breeders (that’s you straight folks) haven’t gotten it right for many, many years….with a divorce rate of 50%, tell me about the sanctity of marriage again.

When straight folks take for granted the right to marry, when they are in long term relationships and call each other “husband” or “wife”, it smooth pisses me off.  When I have to drive across THREE states to marry the one I love and they can’t take the time to make the committment, it pisses me off.  I don’t care to hear someone who’s NOT married call their other half “husband” or “wife,” it diminishes the sanctity of the word.  To say it, without making the committment, is bullshit and means NOTHING.  I take nothing away from the level of committment two people make to each other, but find other terminology.  You AREN’T married, you AREN’T “husband and wife.”  Get off that platform.

I cherish the fact that I am a “wife.”  That I have a “wife.”  And 50% of the straight folks could give a shit less that they can.  That 100% of straight people have that right that they take for granted.  That to at least 50% of those, it’s just a word.

My friends have marched, voted, protested and been arrested for equal rights.  Mr. Politician can ask for my vote, my money and they can’t be bothered to give me a legal title?!??  Fuck you and your political platform and your vapid sound bites.    What the fuck is it going to hurt?  I pay my taxes, I obey the laws of man….and you want to use the law of God to bash me over the head….tsk, tsk on your judgemental ass.


So if the straights are done fucking it up….oh, wait….they aren’t, for example….the stupid, insipid Kim Kardashian, or any Kardashian for that matter.  If I hold up no other example of getting it wrong….that’s enough….but then we gots good ol’ Newt Gingrich.  pffftp…’s all that free choice that God gives them….so that’s okay….

Go ahead, tell me how straight folks have this marriage thing on lock, because well….they don’t do it any better than the rest of us.

I am gay.  I am married.  I don’t eat babies.  I don’t have horns or a tail.  I didn’t turn my kids gay or purple.  We are who we are.

I am so sick of the gay marriage bills, the votes, the appeals….all of it.  Fucking stop already!!!  It’s inevitable.  We gays aren’t going away.  We aren’t going to shirk back to a closet and hide who or what we are.  This country was built on diversity, on differences.

It was built by people who were escaping RELIGIOUS PROSECUTION….holy.shit.

I betcha there was a queer or two back in the day…I mean, really, the wigs?!!?  the outfits???!  PUH-leese….methinks Early American Drag Queen…

If I have to listen to or read one more stupid thing about gays being vile, or disgusting or diseased or worse than terrorists, I am going to vomit.

Says the straight politician that is giving it to his male political aide.  Or the straight, happily married person having multiple affairs, children out-of-wedlock, or being on the down-low.  Say the religious zealot that tells me it’s in the Bible whilst wearing a poly cotton blend and living off the handouts of my liberal gay self.


“God gave us free choice.  He didn’t make us free of consequences.”

So my choice is I’m gonna be gay.  I look great in purple.  I am gonna be married.  To a girl.  I am gonna be a mommy and someday a grandma.

I’m gonna be me.

Early Morning Dialogue.

Funny will strike at anytime.  Today, it was at 6AM and went like this:

Telephone ringing…LOUDLY.  (We both jump out of bed and stare at the phone like it just sprouted arms and legs before the Wife answers it, doing her best not to sound asleep….)

the Wife:  “Hello?”

the Wife’s Chief: “Are you at work yet?”

tW: “uh, no.”

tWC: “Why NOT?”     {in the most surprised innocent voice}

{insert me snorting with laughter, it caught me so off guard}


tW: “Cause I was asleep?” She’s not even sure right now…


tWC: “When will you be in?”

the Wife, rubbing her eyes, staring blankly at the clock that says 6:01 AM…

tW: “uh…soon…”

not really sure why it struck me so funny, but I am STILL giggling and repeating the whole “Why not?”….just because it was so random and awkward…

Hello Officer, Thank You.

Yes, I am married to a cop.  The po-po.  Johnny-Law.  The fuzz.

I am proud to my core of who she is.  I am terrified to my soul for what she does.

Don’t get me wrong, this takes nothing away from our military men and women.  I admire and support every move they make.  I sleep sounder knowing they protect me.

However, tonight, as we have every night this week, we have worked on a Class A uniform.  Her dress uniform.  For a funeral tomorrow.  A funeral for a fellow officer.  He didn’t die in the line of duty, but it doesn’t matter, he would have.  Just as she would.

So it’s been a week of new uniforms, new service bars and sergeant stripes and medals.  Of fittings, alterations, cleaning and polishing.  I sat tonight, making sure the buttons were just so, the epaulettes and seams are straight.  It matters to her.  It matters to the officers that have worked beside him for many years.  It’s a sign of respect.  A sign of dignity.

It’s a sign of fear and sadness for me.

I am saddened by the effect this has had on her.  My wife worked alongside this man for 21 years.  I am saddened in the story as it was relayed to me.  The images I created in my mind, the emotions that I felt and helplessness of many who tried to help.

My wife is a police officer.  Her father was a police officer.  Her brother, a police officer.  Many in her family have served or are serving bravely in the military.  I am as proud of each of them as I am of her.  I am honored to call them my father-in-law, my brother-in-law, my nephews….this family is honor bound.

My wife is a police officer.  Which means, when there is danger, while others run from it…she runs TOWARDS it.  It’s innate, it’s not for the weak.  Officers…they don’t let fear control them.  They don’t worry that they don’t KNOW the person they are saving, taking a bullet for or from.  It’s their job.

To say she is a police officer is as natural to say as her name.  I can’t imagine her being anything else.

I was reminded today, by another officer, that it’s not all good cop/bad cop.  It’s not like the movies.  That these men and women, they take an oath…to serve and protect.  To remain as objective as they can, to see all sides possible and to resolve a situation as quickly and as peacefully as possible.

Today, this officer, came to the defense of someone he didn’t know.  He listened to both sides of a story and didn’t overreact; he offered advice and assistance to someone who was stuck in a bad situation.  This same officer, earlier this year, helped me.  And seeing him made me feel safe.

When a former employee threatened my life early last year, the wife encouraged me to contact the local authorities.  This officer came, took my statement and told me to not leave alone, not leave late and if I felt at all threatened, to contact him, leaving me his card and cell phone number.  And for about 30 days after that, I would walk out to find him or another officer, waiting for me in the parking lot, watching me get in my car, wave and follow me to the freeway, ensuring I was safe.  He didn’t have to, nor did he have to have anyone else do so, but it’s the serve and protect.  He didn’t know me, I was just another face…but I bet he would have taken that bullet for me.

My wife is a cop.  She’s 5’3″ of fearless compassion.  She will give her last dollar to the homeless lady that needs a cup of coffee.  She stops on the street to help someone who’s battery has died in the middle of the summer…to jump start their car and make sure they get on the road.

She’s not the only one like that.  There are many more in my life now, they do the same thing.  Sometimes even more.

We hear stories everyday of officers have taken the wrong path.  Of officers that abuse their authority.  It’s the adage, “one rotten apple spoils the whole bunch.”  Think about it….there are THOUSANDS of police officers that do the right thing, that make the right calls….and we hear about the few that did the wrong thing.  And we look at all of them differently.

Think of the first responders of 9/11….police officers, fire fighters….they didn’t run from the smoke, the unknown….they ran towards it.  To see who they could help.  To figure out WHAT had happened.

Think of how we teach our children….if you get lost, find an officer, he will help you.  When does that advice of safety become the fear of the officer in the car behind us?

How many times do we call 911 for help, yet, get pissy about the “po-po” for following the law?

Who do we call when we hear a bump in the night?  Who comes to our rescue?  Hint: it ain’t the Ghostbusters.

Yep, tonight, I am reminded that I am married to a police officer.

Tonight, I am reminded that my life is profoundly safer because of these men and women.

Thank you all.


Valentine’s Day Dialogue

I’ma busy girl folks…which is my excuse for not blogging more often or keeping folks all involved in my bizness….

Yep…busy, busy, busy…we all are…Monday thru Friday, I am Office Manager busy….so I take my humor where I can.  Friday, I see a photo pop up on my Yahoo! homepage and before I move to a work related website, it catches my eye…it’s a $55,000 cupcake. 

Yup.  For $55,000 you can get the most delicious, moist, fragrant red velvet cupcake hand-made and delivered to your sweetheart for you.  Oh….there’s an 8 carat diamond solitaire ring topping it off, but I am sure the cupcake is the showstopper…

I am all about all things shiny and pretty…so I stop, I stare, I day-dream.  I e-mail it to the wife.  And the exchange goes a bit like this…

From: Stephanie
Sent: Friday, February 10, 2012 11:31 AM
To: Kris
Subject: So…’s a win-win for both of us.

You get a red velvet cupcake….
I get 8 carats….

Sounds fair, right?
Love you!

Not bad, right?  I AM thinking of her.  (Red velvet being her favorite and all…) Then I get back the following:

From: Kris
Sent: Friday, February 10, 2012 11:59 AM
To: Stephanie
Subject: RE: So…’s a win-win for both of us.

Okay with me…while I eat my cupcake, you can eat your 8 carrots.

Wha-?!?! Hold up….so I retort:

From: Stephanie
Sent: Friday, February 10, 2012 12:01 PM
To: Kris
Subject: RE: So…’s a win-win for both of us.

And that was CARATS.  Not CARROTS.
A as in ASS.  As in you are being one…

she’s not done yet folks….I get the next gem…

From: Kris
Sent: Friday, February 10, 2012 12:02 PM
To: Stephanie
Subject: RE: So…’s a win-win for both of us.

Still laughing over here…

At that point, I realized, I will….sooner or later….obtain said bling, just you watch….and the sign I got was as we went to shop for a new washer and dryer on Saturday…our stalker salesman was named Jared.  As in the Galleria of Jewelry. 

I am so getting a diamond…