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Who’s party is it anyway?

I have been married twice.  After my first one, I said I would never get married again….and then I changed my mind.  Actually, a 5’2″ picture of Stephie perfection changed it for me.

Yep, we went to Iowa a year ago and did the damn thing.  All legal like…in fact, to divorce, we have to MOVE to Iowa for at minimum 6 months before we can.  So I am golden as long as she doesn’t look for a job or say she wants to move to the midwest.  Then I will be sad.  And prolly a bit bitchy for the next six months….but no, we are good.

I was talking to someone the other day about getting married and she stated that she had a HUGE wedding, 6 bridesmaids & 6 groomsmen, 3 flower girls, ring bearer, ushers, the whole sha-bang.  And prior to that, she had a bachelorette WEEKEND at a spa and a wedding shower at a ranch in west Texas.  Her reception was at a large hotel in Dallas and they had a BLOCK of rooms for the guests.  For the weekend.  And then a 10 day honeymoon…

The marriage lasted approximately 8 months.  The warranties on the gifts lasted longer.

She asked if I had a big wedding either time.  I replied nope.  First time, my mom, dad, mother-in-law and family friend were our witnesses.  (I still think someone should have kidnapped me!) Second time, it was me, the wife, the Michigan friend and a judge.

She looked at me like I had two heads and was purple.

“You had no shower?  No bachelorette party? Don’t you have friends!?!!?”   *blink*blink*

I replied yes….I just didn’t have anyone throw such an event for me.  And for me to do so for myself felt a bit ridiculous and/or narcissistic.  And if it was completely necessary, I figured our friends would throw one or the other….but we are all grown ups and it was UNnecessary…and truly….prolly in bad taste.  You know gay….second marriage…gay…pfftp.  And exactly how many butter dishes do we need?  We came into this with two full households (once we got her shit from the Beast…bitch) so we lacked NOTHING that a shower was for.  As for a bachelorette party….dude…we hang with our friends and get rowdy all the time, no reason necessary….trust me.

Got me to thinking….I really didn’t make a big deal out of it.  In fact, no one did.  And yet, it absolutely didn’t matter.  I didn’t marry her for the gifts, or the party….I married her because I love her.  I am head over heels in love with her, more every moment.  And in the moment we took our vows…it was me, looking into her eyes.  Saying every word, meaning it to my core. Moreso every day…

“will you love, honor, trust and serve her
in sickness and in health,
and be true and loyal to her?”

 Now, don’t get me wrong, we had congratulations, we had well wishes, we had gifts and cards, we had promises of celebration…but our blessed life was more important than a party….that we would be throwing for ourselves…it felt, weird…

We drove home, married and very happy.  On the way, we planned a party; only it was a birthday party for the wife’s best friend…and it was perfect…

I still can’t get over the fact that so many people spend so much money on ONE DAY.  Or in this person’s case, two weekends (sounded like two incredibly LONG weekends, but I digress).  Why spend the money, add the pressure and the potential for it all to fall apart?  Spend the money on important things, like a house…

or shoes….

She did tell me they had 600 guests! (I don’t KNOW 600 people!) and many were her parents friends and business contacts.  I couldn’t fathom it.  I mean aside from the gifts (of course they were registered!) what is the point?  I asked her if she actually spoke to all 600….she said nope.  Didn’t know half of them!!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I had my dream wedding in my head.  My dress, the music, the decor….all of it.  Down to the season I wanted to get married in.  I can still picture it in my head…but it’s not practical.  It’s not me any more…


I can’t wrap my head around it.  And it’s not just the breeders that do the big wedding thing…oh, hell no.  You haven’t seen over-the-top until you have experienced a gay holy union.  See my breeder friends, in Texas we gays can’t marry, so they are called holy unions.  Same commitment, less legal.

I have seen pictures of these….high holy hell….it’s sometimes awful, sometimes beautiful….but most of the time, over the top.  And I am sure there are showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties galore.  But honey….some of these folks look like cupcakes, with LOTS of frosting….and well….it’s not right, I don’t care who you are.

Seriously, is it just me or is it just a common sense thing….save the money, take an amazing trip…buy a house, or shoes….

Save the time, the stress and focus on the one thing that matters…the other person.

If more folks, gay or straight, focused on the one thing that matters, marriage would mean more than a party and gifts.

Nope.  I didn’t have a party….I don’t think I would have it any other way.

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