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Gay 101.

So, a few years ago, I came out.  Seven years to be exact.  Do I think I was born gay?  Maybe.  I don’t know.  I do know however, I was born a girl.  I became “enlightened” later in life and honestly, I now wonder…what the hell took me so long???

Alas, not everyone is “enlightened” or further, even knowledgeable about the Gay Thing, so I am gonna give you a couple hints:

  1. If you are trying to be “cutting edge” or “trendy”….gay is not the way you should go.  This lifestyle isn’t “trendy”….it’s not easy.  You run the risk of friends and family cutting you off.  If you want “trendy or cutting edge,” go color your fucking hair…stay away from gay…
  2. My name is Stephanie.  Calling me dyke, lesbo, fag, muncher of any kind, scissor sister, U-Haul, lipstick, etc…will get you ignored.  I could care less what you call me.  You’re the idiot acting like a third grader….not me.
  3. I didn’t wake up one morning, look at the Respondent and decide to be gay.  Although, he did completely turn me off of men…the gay wasn’t his fault.
  4. No, I didn’t cut my hair when I got the gay….I cut the hair off in honor of two friends that lost loved ones and donated it to Locks of Love.  But I do hope you feel like a dick for asking.
  5. No, I prolly won’t grow it back out.  I actually get more compliments the shorter I go and have folks walk up and ASK to touch it.  Had a lady at Hobby Lobby go get her friend to show her my hair.  And another one trot across a parking lot to ask me how I did my hair, who cut it and was it my natural color….yep….this short shit is staying…
  6. I still wear makeup.
  7. And a bra.
  8. No, I don’t own a motorcycle….well, I sorta do…the wife has one and she is amazingly hot when she rides it…wowza!!!
  9. No, my wallet is not attached to a chain.
  10. I wear flip flops, almost exclusively, not work boots.
  11. I wear girly jewelry.  I love my diamonds.  Specifically, my mother-in-law’s ring that was given to me on our anniversary.
  12. Yup….legally married.  Got the certificate and last name to prove it.  Suck an egg if you don’t like it.
  13. Kids aren’t gay.  It’s not contagious and it’s not a special ingredient I can add to dinner….the kids are alright.
  14. We don’t eat babies and not all of us are looking for a sperm donor, so calm down.  And quit volunteering your swimmers.
  15. We don’t do virgin sacrifices…well, not on your first visit.
  16. I don’t want your wife, girlfriend, best friend….I have the best wife, I have the world’s best bestie and I am no longer allowed to have a girlfriend.
  17. No, you can’t convert me.  In fact, even the mere thought of you trying…actually makes me more gay.

Yes, I’m gay.  I can deal with it.  It’s not really my problem if you can’t.  No, I am not going to put it in your face, but I am damn sure not gonna hide it either.

It’s 2012.  When there are folks into some really freaky shit….quit worrying about me.  And specifically what I do behind closed doors.  That would be between me and one other person….MY WIFE.

you gots any other questions…hit the worldwideweb….it’s full of answers…

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