Football Dialogue.

The Boy is too funny..at almost 6′ and only 14, I forget sometimes he’s still a kid…today was the first day of football practice…he was exhausted and excited about the new season, only there’s a. “wrinkle” this year…and it goes.like.this.

the Boy:  “so yeah…there’s a girl on our team.”

Me: “oh?”

tB: “yeah, I thought she was a dude, but she had long hair, mom, she’s HUGE, not fat, I think she’s bigger than me!!!…”

M: “is she good?”

tB: “I guess, only…”

M: “what?”

tB: “I don’t know HOW to tackle her.”

M: “why do you need to?”

tB: “mom, she’s offense, I’m defense…I have to…but…”

M: “oh, for the love of all things holy, what?!?”

tB: “I don’t know WHERE TO TACKLE her!!!!”  (what is making this even better, are the hand gestures across his chest…and the look of horror on his face.)

{blink, blink}

tB: “I think I’ll just tackle her around the waist…or the back and hold on until they whistle for end of play…yeah that’s it…”

M:  {giggle, snort, giggle more}

M:  “That’s my boy…”

Matrimonial Dialogue.

I have been happily married for a year and a half.  We have perfected this delicate dance we do, we acknowledge the give and take that is necessary for all successful relationships.

However, the wife forgets that I write a blog.

So, we have this ongoing joke about a friend that I maintain has a girlcrush on my wife.  Not a bad thing, I am not even a little bit threatened or insecure.  I just like to give her shit about it.  A lot.  Most would say it’s passive aggressive, but to know me…it’s just funny to me.

We are talking one evening about the girlcrush…the wife denying, me laughing…she comes across so naive about such things…but she’s hot and I don’t for one second blame the friend…I lived 28 years with a girlcrush on her before she became mine…so I get it.

Meanwhile…on the patio, the conversation goes something.like.this…

the Wife:  “She doesn’t have a crush on me….”

Me:  “She does, honey…it’s okay….I don’t blame her.”

tW:  “We’re just friends…”

M:  “A friend you take to lunch, go to happy hours with, yeah, that friend…I don’t even get lunch with you.  She gets long  lunches, that you buy…out of our account…total girlcrush.”

M:  “All the while, the little Mrs. is at home, cooking dinner, doing your laundry…”

tW:  “But I bought you a new washer & dryer to do the laundry.”

M:  “Like I said, I do your laundry…”

tW:  “You lose my socks.”

{crickets}

I am expecting new diamonds any time