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Bossman Rules.

Let it be known I work hard.  Shut.up.  I DO!!!  But I love where I work.  I enjoy the people around me, most of the time and I think they actually like me.  Most don’t fear me, a few ignore me, but over all….they seem to not think I am hideous.  It helps that I pay them bi-weekly, but I am sure it’s my sparkling personality that wins them over.  Yeah, that’s IT.

Bossman is a whole ‘nother story.  We share a birthday, I am exactly three years older than him, a fact he loves to point out every year on our shared birthday.   To remind him that I am truly twisted, I had my staff help me torture him for his birthday, it included bubble wrap as carpet and 160 photos of him as a child.  EVERYWHERE.  I may be older, but that only means I have three more years of experience torturing younger people…he prolly needs a helmet.

Bossman tries to make rules.  Tries to.  But I’m a rebel (Dottie) and I spend my days talking back, ignoring his emails and calls and generally doing what I want.  Don’t get me wrong, I work my ass off, but I can multitask like a demon.

I am going to share with you Bossman’s rules for me.  He has explained these to me many times over the past three years…then I will give you my simple, clear responses to his rules…

  1. Please be at work at 7:30.
  2. Please stay at work until 5:00.
  3. Please be at work Monday – Friday.
  4. Please make sure you complete the Playbook daily.
  5. Be pleasant and courteous.
  6. Complete your tasks daily.
  7. All filing is kept current.
  8. Manage your staff competently.
  9. Answer when I call, respond to my emails.
  10. Don’t be mean to me.

Now, most folks would think these are simply easy rules to follow.  Not me.  In an effort to make him understand I am a rebel (Dottie), I feel I must respond to his requests.

  1. No.  I don’t get out of bed until 8….minimum.
  2. No.  5:00 means happy hour….unless you put a bar in my office, I am out.
  3. Specify which week you wish for me to work.  Otherwise, no.
  4. Playbook?  is this the craft time?
  5. Do.you.know.me?  You might as well ask for the moon and stars.
  6. Are my tasks recess and naps?  Cause I got that down…
  7. Haven’t filed a single thing in three years.  I am working toward the World Record.  Don’t box me in Bossman.
  8. My staff?  They scare me.  I don’t make eye contact, I suggest you don’t either.
  9. I haven’t, I won’t.  Send carrier pigeons, that would be cool.
  10. Why did you hire me then?

In his defense, I was on my best behavior in my interview.  Truly.  I even said “Yes Sir”….and I lulled him in with a false sense of security.  He thought he could control me.  I allowed him to believe that I could be trained.  I tricked him.  bwahahahahaha!!!!

Today was prolly the easiest Payroll Friday I have had in six months.  And I wasn’t able to justify a surly disposition.  Damnit.  SO I had to be nice.  To everyone.  It wasn’t quite as painful as I imagined.

I did however remind Bossman that I am the boss…just in case he forgot….

2 thoughts on “Bossman Rules.

  1. I totally watched the advertisement video at the end of your post, expecting awesome. That’s what I get for interwebing when I first wake up.

    Otherwise though, this is pretty spot-on.

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