Let it be known I work hard. Shut.up. I DO!!! But I love where I work. I enjoy the people around me, most of the time and I think they actually like me. Most don’t fear me, a few ignore me, but over all….they seem to not think I am hideous. It helps that I pay them bi-weekly, but I am sure it’s my sparkling personality that wins them over. Yeah, that’s IT.
Bossman is a whole ‘nother story. We share a birthday, I am exactly three years older than him, a fact he loves to point out every year on our shared birthday. To remind him that I am truly twisted, I had my staff help me torture him for his birthday, it included bubble wrap as carpet and 160 photos of him as a child. EVERYWHERE. I may be older, but that only means I have three more years of experience torturing younger people…he prolly needs a helmet.
Bossman tries to make rules. Tries to. But I’m a rebel (Dottie) and I spend my days talking back, ignoring his emails and calls and generally doing what I want. Don’t get me wrong, I work my ass off, but I can multitask like a demon.
I am going to share with you Bossman’s rules for me. He has explained these to me many times over the past three years…then I will give you my simple, clear responses to his rules…
- Please be at work at 7:30.
- Please stay at work until 5:00.
- Please be at work Monday – Friday.
- Please make sure you complete the Playbook daily.
- Be pleasant and courteous.
- Complete your tasks daily.
- All filing is kept current.
- Manage your staff competently.
- Answer when I call, respond to my emails.
- Don’t be mean to me.
Now, most folks would think these are simply easy rules to follow. Not me. In an effort to make him understand I am a rebel (Dottie), I feel I must respond to his requests.
- No. I don’t get out of bed until 8….minimum.
- No. 5:00 means happy hour….unless you put a bar in my office, I am out.
- Specify which week you wish for me to work. Otherwise, no.
- Playbook? is this the craft time?
- Do.you.know.me? You might as well ask for the moon and stars.
- Are my tasks recess and naps? Cause I got that down…
- Haven’t filed a single thing in three years. I am working toward the World Record. Don’t box me in Bossman.
- My staff? They scare me. I don’t make eye contact, I suggest you don’t either.
- I haven’t, I won’t. Send carrier pigeons, that would be cool.
- Why did you hire me then?
In his defense, I was on my best behavior in my interview. Truly. I even said “Yes Sir”….and I lulled him in with a false sense of security. He thought he could control me. I allowed him to believe that I could be trained. I tricked him. bwahahahahaha!!!!
Today was prolly the easiest Payroll Friday I have had in six months. And I wasn’t able to justify a surly disposition. Damnit. SO I had to be nice. To everyone. It wasn’t quite as painful as I imagined.
I did however remind Bossman that I am the boss…just in case he forgot….