Home » That's me » Chapter One. Page One.

Chapter One. Page One.

Last night, the bestie and I were enjoying a FaceTime conversation and I was lamenting on the turd burger that was December, she said to me…”it’s 2014, a new book, a new chapter.” And I completely agreed…

then 20 minutes later, I had something happen that sucked the hope of a new chapter right out of my body and I sat, stewing for two hours.  TWO HOURS!!!! And the wife tried like crazy to stop it, but she saw me spin out and finally realized I had to work through it. And let me.

Today, she showed me a meme that spoke so loudly to me, it was a scream in my head…I really, really wish I had seen this a year ago….before my irritation got the best of me and turned me into a shrew of a person…but I got it, I get it…and I’m gonna share it.

Its called the 7 Cardinal Rules for Life.  And it goes like this…

1.  MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST…so it won’t disturb your present.

2. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU is none of your business.

3. TIME HEALS ALMOST EVERYTHING…give it time.

4. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS…except you.

5. DON’T COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS…and don’t judge them, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

6. STOP THINKING TOO MUCH…it’s alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.

7. SMILE…you don’t own all the problems in the world.

W.O.W.

These 7 sentences hit me square between the eyes and I have thought about this allllllll day…I have spent the day reflective and thinking, to the point I have given myself two separate headaches today…

here goes…

I like me.  It’s been a long time since I have actually said that about me…but I do, I like me.

i spent the better part of the year allowing other folks to control my emotions, to get in my head and create this black cloud that followed me.  I could shake it off for a day or two, but the someone would post something on social media and I would instantly grow cloudy. They don’t mean to, their world doesn’t revolve around me anymore than my world truly revolved around them…but if it hit me, “just right”…I was done.

I also spent time this year reconciling myself and several relationships.  I learned that if a person popped in my mind, I needed to let them know, right then.  So I did, I do….I will text or call someone, just to say “Hi!” and to let them know they were on my mind.  I’ve bought coffee or breakfast for complete strangers.  I’ve told folks when they looked nice, or I smiled and met their eyes.  It’s been hard, at times, because it’s not my nature…but I’ve done it and it makes me happy, making someone smile.

I realized others don’t do that, or rarely do so TO me…and as a society, that made me sad…it’s actually quite easy.

I reached out to right a wrong earlier this year, to tell someone I was sorry for how things had gone, how our friendship had ended.  I wished them well and closed the door.  And then…they knocked on that door and we have picked back up…like we didn’t miss a day.  All because I decided to put the anger aside and just apologize for being a shit.

I have now decided that I am going to quit giving into my perceptions of what others think of me…like #2 says, it’s none of my business.  I know me, my heart and my character…that’s all I need…

I have now decided that others may not care about me, what I do or what I think.  And that’s okay. Good luck to them. I can’t be everything to everyone.  I can be the friend, sister, mother, wife that I am supposed to be, that has to be enough. For those that I love and that love me, it will be.

I realize that my past has brought me to my present and will lead me to my future, but it is the past.  I can’t undo it, I can’t change it.  I am who I am because of everyone and everything in my life, I have learned lessons from hurt and happy….I have no regrets.  Only lessons learned…

I understand that there are always more than one side to every story, not everyone wants to listen to me with an open mind or open heart and that has to be okay.  It has to be okay that there are people who will judge me or my actions based on what they are told..not on what they see nor will they hear me…

And I realized that I will no longer defend me, my past or my actions to anyone…those that actually matter, know me, know my history and know my integrity…that matter.  That’s all that matters.

I like me.  I like many…those are the people that I am going to focus on…and my present…leaving the past in my rear view mirror and moving towards my future.

full of love.

full of laughter.

full of life.

full of bliss.

Time to turn the page…

One thought on “Chapter One. Page One.

  1. Its high time that you start giving yourself a break Steph. You are a beautiful human. I have always known that. I know that from the posts you so eloquently write, the love for your family that is so damn evident via YOUR social media and the fact that you were perfectly willing to brave the crazy damn DFW airport just to give me a hug. 🙂

    Sometimes people suck. That doesn’t change who you are. Sometimes the world will make you feel desperate…and sad…and sometimes…it will restore your hope. Yin and yang. Black and white. Angry, rude people who suck and amazing Stephanie. Be ok being the person who has to balance out the suck. (Its totally ok to put that on a T-shirt BTW)

    I love you my amazing, awesome and kind friend whom I have never laid eyes on.

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