Lessons learned.

Good God, this year can’t end fast enough.  I am completely over it.  It’s been a year of extreme highs and painful lows.  I have found myself questioning things I shouldn’t and ignoring warning signs.  Like I have, all my life.

I am the kind of person that will drag something or someone well beyond the expiration date.  I will see the better in people long after they have shown me their true colors.  I will not see the better in myself despite people telling me otherwise.  I refuse to see what is apparently right in front of me most of the time.  But I learn lessons.  I learn them the HARDEST way possible…but hey, I learn.

Lesson – Sometimes you have to give up.
This was a hard one to learn.  I had to give up on a friendship that I never thought I would lose.  It was heart breaking and caused me more pain and stress than I can express.  I learned that loving someone isn’t always the “fix-it” and that no matter how much support I throw at a person, it’s not enough.  In the end, when someone tells you they are suicidal, they have written THE note and to be peaceful…you don’t take chances.  You call the cops.  And then you deal with the fact that they no longer want to be your friend because they have issues, not me.  I didn’t do anything wrong.  They did.  They screwed up and in the aftermath, I have lost friends based on what the other persons “truth” is.  I have to be okay knowing that they are alive, hating me and staying surrounded by people who tell them what they want to hear.  Not the truth.  That for the last several years of this friendship, it was amazingly one-sided.  That I will feel used and thrown out for years.  I have to be okay with the fact that they know and I know what REALLY happened, that I have the text messages and there’s more than me that know what really happened.  But somehow I’m the one out in the cold, not the people who led them to that place.  Fuck it. I’m better off…for reals.

Lesson – Sometimes people love you, even though you think they don’t.
In the aftermath of this former friendship, I got to know some people that I knew loved me.  But I didn’t think I was important TO them.  In the months that have followed, I realized, I just didn’t make room for anyone else.  That in the past year, this “friend” had sucked up all of my life…there wasn’t room for anyone else, so they adjusted and made a life for themselves.  Then when I came back around, I was upset they weren’t waiting for me.  THANKFULLY, I spoke my truth, my embarrassment and my hurt…and they loved me through it.  In fact, I have a small group that have nursed me through this brutal fall.  And made sense and logic and made me feel not wrong.  I love my tribe of people.

Lesson – They are crazy, but they are mine.
I lament in here a LOT about my family.  How we tear at each other, how we say horrible things to each other, how we stay away from each other.  I also write about how we love each other, how we protect each other.  That no matter what we say to each other or about each other, we are all we have.  With the realization that my family name will end once my sister and I are gone, had made me sad…and appreciate my family in a way that I can’t describe.  Knowing you are the last of a family crest is a bit breathtaking, but making sure your family name goes out with honor and dignity, is an impactful in ways I can’t describe.

Lesson – You can’t hurt my feelings.  I have that power, not you.
I have spent a lifetime feeling slighted by the most innocent comment or non-comment.  I can get my feelings hurt by a comment left on social media, I freely admit it.  I can get my feelings hurt by your reaction to a gift, or if you don’t call me.  I am currently navigating the fact that when my children leave home, they don’t call me everyday…whether it’s the daughter that hasn’t lived at home in years or the boy who goes and spends the night with his sister and doesn’t call me.  I know, I KNOW, it’s crazy, but I’m that mommy.  dontjudgeme.

Lesson – You may not need me, because I did my job.
Hand in hand with the lesson above, I am the type of person that needs to be useful, to feel needed.  I am learning that if I have done my job correctly, my children will be self sufficient.  That if I have done my job correctly, my staff can work even if I take a week off.  That when I am no longer here, folks will be able to go on, to survive.  If I have done my job correctly.  And it’s okay to not be needed.  Wanted is much better.

Lesson –  I don’t NEED to eat a burger.
This is the biggest lesson I have learned this year and I am the better for this.  In July, I hit my heaviest, with high blood pressure, with high cholesterol, with depression and with no energy.  I have thrown myself in to a dietary change that has improved my life in ways that I can’t describe.  It’s 30+ pounds gone.  It’s 8 1/2 inches gone.  It’s consistently lower blood sugar and blood pressure.  It’s FIVE sizes in clothing.  It’s the boost in energy, confidence and disposition.  I feel better; I am happier; I am more positive than I have been in a long, long time.  I don’t plan on giving up, I plan on losing, but never giving up.  I’ve become that person that is all about how to make differences in each day, how to count your blessings.  I want to share my joy…even if I am obnoxious.

Lesson – Not everything ends badly.
I am genetically a half-empty cup person.  I always think the worst is going to happen when the opposite usually proves me wrong.  Like…I thought we would have to move because landlord was selling our home and we ended up buying a house!  Or that the boy needed surgery and it was going to be a difficult recovery and it ended up being a minimal surgery and he’s currently recovering very well…I need to remember that there are forces at work in my life. That I put good out in the universe, I should expect the same back.  And by the same logic…karma is fair…everyone should remember that.

Lesson – don’t take anything for granted.
With all the tragedy we see these days in the media, I have to remind myself that each day is a gift, that people, in the midst of the worst times, will fall back on their faith in what they believe in and see the silver lining.  I don’t know how they do so, but with grace and faith, people in the worst of times, find love and forgiveness.  I will forever stand in awe of this power, this undeniable gratitude for life and love.  If more folks were as aware of this, instead of the blame and indignation they muster from the sidelines, the world would be a much better place.

Lesson – she loves me.  Unconditionally.
This has been a hard year for me.  But don’t let me for moment forget that as hard as it has been on me, I have children and a wife that are closely impacted by my moods, my attitude and what is happening in my world. My wife has stood by me, through thick and thin with my kids, my drama, my family.   She has held my hand as I cried, ducked as I yelled and laughed with me.  When I worried, she was there to assure me.  She had fought with my kids, for my kids, in spite of my kids.  She is the passion of my life.  I am lost without her.  So when she tells me she loves me…

Less0n – those kids…they love me too.
I never waver in the fact that they are my whole reason for being…I never waver in the fact that I love them more than I love myself.  I have never had two people that make me more insane in my life and I love every moment of it.  They are mouthy, they are opinionated, they are bold.  Their manners are for shit at home, yet somehow, they don’t act like apes in public.  I can’t get the boy to pick up his shoes, dirty clothes or food wrappers, yet he won’t leave the house without cologne or his hair perfectly in place.  The daughter was my biggest opponent to ALL THINGS during her late tenure at home…her room was a pigsty and she rebelled against every stinking rule I made…but her own home, is impeccable, she lives by her own rules (which closely resemble the ones she grew up with) and she is successfully navigating her world.  I would never take all the credit for these two amazing beings…oh hell…yes I will.  I did this.  I see me all over both of them.  Whether or not they choose to believe me, I left a mark on both of them…and I couldn’t be prouder.

Yes, it’s been a year of growth, of self-learning and loving.  This year needs to end.  I need to put the past behind me, live in the present and dream about the future.

Happy New Year folks…may your dreams become your reality, may your reality live up to your dreams…

 

 

 

30 days of highs, lows and an inappropriate observation. 

In no particular order, the following has happened in the last 30 days…

  • The wife and I realized we were hosting Thanksgiving and had seating for FOUR.  five, if you rolled the chair in from the computer desk.  
  • Found a table we fell in love with, then when the time came to purchase it, it was $200 cheaper than we initially planned for. 
  • The wife and I put that bitch of a table AND six chairs together.  It took 5 hours, but we did it and didn’t kill each other or the Boy. 
  • I proceeded to cook dinner for 15 and rendered myself damn near immobile by end of the day. 
  • Slept for 15 hours and woke up with the flu.  Or something else closely resembling death. 
  • I quarantined myself to the bedroom for 36 hours and the wife and Boy still got sick.
  • I have not watched a single episode of SVU in 10 days and I now know what withdrawal feels like…I don’t know how much more I can handle.  
  • I tried to watch Blackhat and thought I was losing my hearing…and my mind.  
  • Codiene cough syrup sleep is the best drool inducing sleep, ever.
  • Spent an evening with two of the most important friends I have and was allowed to finally rage and weep and mourn the end of a friendship while reigniting another one.
  • I have reconnected with a few dear people that I let my pride pull me away from.
  • I have realized that you can teach this old dog new tricks. 
  • I haven’t had a soda or junk food in 5 months and I feel incredible. 
  • A 46 year old gay man and a 17 year old boy will have the same reaction to a conversation that involves a vagina. 
  • That soul mates aren’t always romantic and I have several people who have filled my soul and made me whole. 
  • The wife and I have changed shower heads.  Twice.  We are waiting for our butch cards to arrive in the mail. Any day now. 
  • Our Christmas decorations are displayed before December 20th. 
  • We have lights on the outside…and they all work. 
  • I will find a nutcracker to buy in every store I walk into.  Including 7-11 or Petsmart. Don’t judge me.  
  • I am a magnet for all sorts of bullshit.  And that I handle said bullshit with amazing patience.  
  • I had to explain what “going HAM” was to the wife after I had used it correctly in a conversation.  
  • Used “on fleek” in the correct context.  
  • Have not yet had my freak out about the Boys upcoming surgery. But   we aren’t there yet.  
  • Have created a “to do” list with the wife of projects that are impressive and massive. 
  • Have learned I am inpatient about these projects. 
  • Had in depth discussions about vinyl vs. aluminum windows, gutters and landscaping.  
  • I watch too much HGTV. 
  • I need to play AND WIN the lottery. 
  • Bordered on a deep, uncomfortable conversation about tithing and God if I was to win the lottery. 
  • My hairdresser is convinced that my Vitamin D deficiency is due to my entry into menopause. Like I am joining a club…
  • Had an extremely awkward and hilarious conversation about panties with someone I was shocked to have such a conversation with.  
  • I have come to accept the fact I will not be seeing Star Wars the opening weekend.  And I’m okay with that.  
  • I have fallen in love with me again. Finally.  It feels wonderful. 

Here’s to more highs, more lows and more conversations about vaginas, panties and household improvements.

What’s been going on in your world???

Festive Dialogue. 

I love the holidays.  That isn’t a huge secret.  I’m not ashamed to admit it.  It starts with Halloween and finds it stride with Thanksgiving, then hits its peak with Christmas…

The wife and I have acquired a lot of Nutcrackers during our relationship. A lot. {insert favorite lesbian joke}  It just started a couple of years ago.  I guess if we won’t have children and she won’t give me a puppy…I will take little wooden men dressed in festive attire.

Today, I realized we are way not on the same page…not.at.all.

Me: “we have a lot of nutcrackers.  Like a bajillion.” (It’s a word)

Wife: “we do have a lot.  Do you think we have too many?”

Me: {blink blink} “too…many…?”

Wife: “maybe?”

Me: {crickets}

Wife: “we’ll just get more…”

I may have married a stranger…

Rules for shopping.

I try really, REALLY hard not to lose my shit in crowds, specifically grocery store crowds.  More specifically, WalMart crowds. Therefore, I submit the following rules.

  1. Have a list, a plan, an idea of WHAT you are needing at WalMart.  Learn from my experience, if you go in without any of the aforementioned items…you will spend the house pay, car payment and quite possibly the children’s college fund on items you absolutely don’t need.  Ever.
  2. KNOW THE FLOOR PLAN.  You will save yourself and those around you if you know where you are going and you will not find yourself spinning in circles on the dog food aisle because you forgot light bulbs across the store. Not that this has happened to me.
  3. Have an escape plan.   For real. The stuff you need will always be at the back of the store.  Be ready to take shortcuts and corners quickly to maintain your sanity.
  4. If you have Xanax, take one.  If not, find a friend…that has some, borrow it.
  5. Have bail money and a friends phone number memorized, just in case.
  6. Understand the RIGHT OF WAY. This isn’t Europe, it’s f*cking WalMart…damn.
  7. Yield.to.the.aisle. Don’t be a dick, allow people to merge.  I promise, I am not trying to get the last can of pumpkin pie filling, you can act like a human…
  8. If you have two or more children and another adult in the household, DON’T bring the entire family to the grocery store.  Leave the 3.4 children, the grandmother, aunt, husband, cousin and great-Uncle at the house.  Take them to the park for a family outing.  Not the store.
  9. Don’t smell test all the body spray.  Well, maybe you, you smell a bit musty…it may be helpful.
  10. Put your cart up. Do not watch me attempt to pull into a spot only to cockblock me by putting your cart at the end of said parking spot. Because I hate you.

Let’s try to work together, mmmmkay?

Happy Thanksgiving…fa lala lala

Tiny reminders.

Earlier today, the wife e-mailed me and at the end of the email, there was one small word that reminded me of strength. 

Together. 

There’s strength in togetherness.  It means you belong, that you aren’t n this crazy thing called life alone. 

I find strength in my wife, my children, my family, my friends and my job.  I find there is togetherness even in the smallest moments, or the smallest words.  

Together. 

I’ve learned that two can be a together, so can three or four…as many as you need.   That when you are a together, each person supports the other, loves and shares. Together.  There is respect and joy. Honesty and integrity.  Without all of this, together doesn’t happen. 

Together. 

When you think you are all alone, when you think that no one is in your corner, reach out to someone, don’t worry about if they have time, want to be bothered, there’s too much happening, you aren’t close or you’re afraid of being mocked, judged, teased or ignored. Take a chance, lean into a friend…trust yourself, trust them. 

Then you are in it, together. 

My love in blessings. 

I’m trying really hard to shake off some major bullshit in my life.  I’m finding that hate and hurt stick to a person just as much as love does.  I can’t shake a person who has hurt me to depths I can’t begin to reach. God knows, I pray for my own peace and healing now….I stopped praying for theirs when I realized they no longer returned the same to me and my psyche. 

I have decided, tonight, with the help another friend, that my life will turn around. I have people who I pushed aside that love me.  I have people in my life that hold me up.  These are my blessings.  

I have my health and a new way of viewing it and my continued journey to a smaller waist, lower blood pressure and higher energy. These are my blessings.  

I have my sweet family.  I can’t imagine my life being any sweeter than when I realize I am a daughter, mother, sister and a wife. These are my blessings. 

I have my job that challenges me, frustrates me, makes me laugh and makes me cry.  I have met people I enjoy seeing everyday and I’m proud of the job I do with such a team. These are my blessings.  

I have to stop giving into heartache.  I need to stop giving that negativity any power over me.  

I have to remember there is a lesson in the pain.  That I won’t trust like that ever again.  I will continue to hold the memories, the laughter, the secrets and the love deep somewhere that I can’t access it…where I don’t need it everyday.  I will gain strength from this lesson.  This is my blessing. 

And I will forgive. And love.   Everyday.

That is my biggest blessing. 

Geography Dialogue.

A while back, the wife mocked me on social media for my geography skills.  I pointed out that I didn’t have to have NORTH, SOUTH, EAST and WEST down pat…I was a passenger, not a sailor.  And there were many who came to my defense.  Either because they understand me or felt bad for me…

In actuality, I DO know the four directions and which is which.  I choose to be a terrible navigator…yeah, that’s IT!!!

That apparently did not include knowing that Ft. Worth was WEST of Dallas.  There.  I said it.  I don’t know WHAT I thought, only that I did not think it through when I said it out loud.  “Isn’t Ft. Worth above and to the side of Denton?”

She made me stand in front of a map and point out where this stuff was.  Never actually thought about it before, which is 90% of the conversations we have…

I thought I was going to have to take the wife to the ER to get her checked for a concussion from beating her head into a wall, and for oxygen from laughing at me so hard.

Tonight, this happened.  While discussing a business trip she has planned.

Me:  “aren’t they going to have events in the evenings while you are up there?”

wife: “up there?  where?  Where do you honestly think San Antonio is?”

Me:  “you know, up there by Denton and Ft. Worth…”

For the record, I totally know where San Antonio is…it’s down there.  I needed to remind her that she CHOSE to marry me…on her own.

Anything else is her fault.

 

You’re Welcome.

I’m not sure I should do this.  I’m not sure I shouldn’t. I know the last 47 days haven’t been a cake walk. For many people. The past 47 days have changed me. 

47 days ago, I got a phone call that changed me.  

47 days ago,  I tried to talk to you. 

47 days ago, I tried to get ANYONE to help me reach you. I got no help. I was on my own. 

47 days ago, I made a decision to let someone else make the decision. A decision I supported.  A decision I will defend, into the fucking ground. Wanna know why???

You woke up this morning. You’re welcome. 

You got to see your family. Your loved ones. You’re welcome. 

When you get to celebrate another Thanksgiving, Christmas or birthday, you’re welcome. 

When you see the face of that person you love…that person that lives around the corner that wouldn’t pick a phone up when I called…but when you see that face and smile, you’re welcome. 

When you laugh, brush your teeth, put on your shoes, you’re fucking welcome. 

Cause see…for 47 days, I’ve missed you.  The ability to call you, to confide in you, to laugh and to share joy and fear.  

For 47 days, I have been ignored, ditched, dismissed and forgotten. 

For 47 days, I have cried, bargained with God, begged, gotten angry…because of you. 

For 47 days, I have replayed conversations, moments, secrets…and I doubt all of it.  Because of you. 

You made a stupid fucking choice.  You, not me.  Yet, instead of letting me hold you up and supporting you, instead of letting me help you, you went with the stupid fucking decision. 

The last words I have from you are “Fuck you, this friendship is over.  You are dead to me.” 

So…after many sleepless nights, after many drained days…I’m done.  I’m over it. You are on your own. I get it. I screwed up, only, I didn’t screw up. You did.  Not me…

I hope you grow up.  I’m hopeful new people in your life will have your back. Unconditionally…because until you pushed me away, I did. Even after you did, I still kept trying. I kept texting, calling, emailing..and got nothing. 

Yep. 47 days.  My life is changing in many ways, with the exception of this, it’s all been a blessing. But I can’t share the great things happening in my life with you…because you wrote me off.

I won’t bother you again.  You’re welcome. 

A Day In the Life.

On July 23rd, I was jolted.  A life altering jolt.

I went to the doctor for a yearly physical…those are fun.  What’s really fun is when your doctor takes a look at you, looks at your chart and states “I’m concerned about your weight, I’m concerned about your blood pressure, I’m concerned you’re pre-diabetic and I’m concerned about your history with heart disease…”

Fast forward two weeks, I’m back, for grueling results…I’m heavier than I have ever been, my resting blood pressure is too high, my cholesterol is outta sight, I’m severely anemic and I AM pre-diabetic. I was/wasn’t ready for this. She sternly looked at me and said, “you need to fix this NOW, there’s no other option.”

She put me on a gluten free, 1,000 calorie per day diet.  Clean eating, she called it.  She gave me a diet plan and some God-awful protein that I am to drink each day.

Our air was out, so our dear friends WarriorGirl and DynaHusband were letting us bunk with them…I realized, standing in their living room, I had hit.a.wall.  I stood in their living room, looking at my wife and decided it was time to be accountable.

For the first time in six years, I broke down and told my wife my darkest secret….I told her what I weigh. What that horrible, shameful number was…she told me she loved me.

WarriorGirl walked in, I told her all of it, except the shameful number through my tears.  I look up, shocked at my response to being a fat girl and said “I’m so sorry!!!! You fucking beat cancer, I’m whining because I ate too much Taco Bell…I’m a shit.”  She looked at me, said “I beat it, now I am here for you.”

The daughter has told me everyday I needed it that I can do this…that she knows I can…she inspires me with her words.  The notion of my grandchildren to come and her honest words, drives me forward.

The Boy, telling me how pretty I am, how his face shows worry when I stumble…when he wants to have breakfast with me and worries that I can find something to eat at McDonalds. (not easy, but I make it work)…that I can lead by example, drives me forward.

The wife, who offers me “treats” I say no, she smiles and tells me how proud she is.  She will tell anyone she is proud of me. The dream of growing old with her, watching our grandchildren and living our dream…drives me forward.

Now,  six weeks later, I can honestly say, I love my doctor.  I love my sweet friends.  I love my family. I love my life.

Six weeks ago, I started clean eating, reaaaaallly clean.  No bread, no pasta, very little dairy and no refined sugar.  Clean proteins, veggies, fruits and nuts/oils. And that horrible protein drink. Every day, without fail, within 15 minutes of waking up, I have drank 12 ounces of terrible protein and 18 ounces of water and a handful of vitamins, or tiny blood pressure pill and the arthritis medicine.  Every day….rain or shine.

Now, six weeks later, I can honestly say, I am down 21 pounds…3 1/2 inches….and from what I can gather, one to two sizes.

I no longer have headaches, my knee is 10 billion percent better, I have more energy, my blood pressure is completely normal.

First time I went for a check up, my doctor was thrilled, she smiled, we joked…she was proud of me.   It felt awesome.

No one can see it yet.  I can. I see it in photos.  I see it in my clothes…it’s much like a deck chair blowing off the Titanic to everyone else, but I’m beginning to notice. My food falls in my lap, not stopping at my chest.  I can see my lap. We are talking gym memberships. I don’t recognize myself.

I worried it was going to be too expensive to eat right, that our grocery bill was going to explode.  It hasn’t.  We’ve adjusted and cook more…I eat less, so my portions are way smaller, I haven’t had seconds in 6 weeks. I can’t finish the servings my doctor has set in place for me.

I tell you this because I have to continue to hold myself accountable. I do this because I feel inspired, I feel like a new person.

For the first time, in 25 years…I feel proud of me.

For the first time, in 25 years…I love me.

Whew….that’s a mouthful.

My friends, my family, worry about where we go eat.  I have learned to be a spontaneous eater…in a good way.  I can find something everywhere we go. My tastes are changing. I’m more adventurous with food now, I mix things I would have never mixed before,  I create salads and dishes of good stuff, from my imagination and they work. I’m excited about food, in the best way.

The wife and the boy don’t eat everything like I do….there are still chips and burgers and sugary stuff the house, but it doesn’t interest me.

And let me be fair…my system has changed…I can’t eat greasy.  I can’t eat junk food or bread…it upsets my digestive system to the point the two times I have, I’ve ended up in bed, miserable.

I honestly don’t miss it. Crazy, huh?

I dream about burgers….I miss queso. Thanksgiving oughta be interesting,  but I am up for that challenge.

The Stae Fair is weeks ahead of me and I have already stated, I will wreck my system for a corny dog…don’t judge me. It’s fucking Fletcher’s.

Here’s a side story…I share a lot of my life with my staff…we are a small gang of misfits…but…I shared my new diet…we had a potluck as we are prone to for any occasion…these wonderful women, followed my food plan and planned a potluck around me…for another persons birthday….on my clean eating!!!! They continue to make sure I eat right, go to restaurants I can eat at and bring me lunches I can eat. They are the goods.

I guess the moral of this story is…trust those you love.  They will hold you up. They will hold you accountable. They will love you through it. Believe in you, reach for the dreams and love yourself. A lot.

I go to the doctor next week for another check up…I am no longer dreading it.

Just watch me shrink.

You bother me.

I am becoming that old lady…you know, the one in her housecoat and sock/slipper combo…the one that stands on the front porch screaming at people.

Only I don’t have a front porch. Or a housecoat.  And I want new slippers.

But I do have this here blog.  I use it a lot to scream at people.  Typically, to think of others and to try and be a better person.  Mostly, to talk about how I’m always in a bad mood and how I allow others to dictate my moods.  How I allow others to hurt my feelings because people suck in general and don’t care.

so, I have this blog…let me tell you a “few” things that bother me.

  • Untied shoes.  How lazy can you be?  bend in the middle, make rabbit ears, loop one over the other and pull.  And you don’t trip and fall and look stupid.  You’re welcome.
  • Lip liner that is darker than your lipstick.  Or lip liner and no lipstick.  Who taught you that?  Who tells you that is a good look?  it’s not.  stop doing it.
  • Leggings worn as pants.  Unless you are wearing a long sweater, tunic or dress…stop wearing these as pants.  It’s not sexy.  I can see your underwear. Or lack of said underwear.
  • If you see me eating, don’t stop and decide to have a doctoral dissertation with me about anything.  I am eating…mouth is full of food, not words.  If you have to speak to me, ask me a question I can nod or shake my head to.  If it’s more, then wait for me to finish…you aren’t a waiter.
  • Stop turning your young daughters into whores.  If they are under the age of 18 they should not be gyrating like a stripper.  DON’T get me started on the twerking thing.  Don’t turn your child into a prostitot.
  • The fact that Hollywood is remaking every movie of my childhood.  Leave John Hughes movies alone…for the love of all things holy.
  • That TNT cancelled Dallas.
  • That ABC cancelled Pushing Daisies.
  • That Liz is still in the house.  Or that I have to watch her with Austin.  Ugh.
  • The fact that my wife has not realized I purposefully leave the toilet paper roll empty…or that it is the same toilet paper roll and I change it out to mess with her.  I’ve done this since June…she hasn’t said a word…now that I have put this out here, she will say she’s known all along.
  • That the Boy has to have the last word.  I thought that was a female thing…is it a teenage thing?
  • Miley Cyrus.  And that anyone has the absolute worst taste to like anything about her.
  • Caitlyn Jenner.  I’m over her, the notoriety of it all….she plays the victim so well, she should carry her own body chalk.  I don’t know that she’s done anything to advance the transgender conversation…has she?  Did I miss it?  Did she help?  Cause I all I remember is she is a transgender woman that thinks others “like her” get too many handouts.  How very republican of said woman.  I quit listening.
  • Duggar anything.  Quickly followed by Kim Davis anything.  Quickly followed by Donald Trump anything.  Stupid bothers me, they have it in spades.
  • Kids on Mountain Dew.  Just give them crack.  For reals…that drink is terrible for anyone…especially a kid sitting, standing, jumping, dancing all at once in front of me at a football game.
  • Don’t tell me you are on a diet as I watch you eat a double burger and you call it a “cheat day”.  I haven’t had a burger in months.  You’re a dick.
  • The fact that I haven’t had a burger and am actually still counting in days.  Like it’s actually been 67 days and I changed that in the fact above to look less mental.
  • My protein drink in the mornings.  I call it butthole protein.  I imagine if I had to taste a butthole, it’s what one would taste like.  I have tried everything to make it better.  Nothing helps.  But I like the results of the protein, so I have decided to continue drinking the butthole protein….only I take it like a shot of liquor.  if I can get it down in 15 seconds, I am better….anything longer, I want to cry.
  • The fact that I can’t find the house shoes I want, in my size, in red.

But thank you for letting me scream.  You all make me smile.