Home » Life in the Fast Lane. » Hump Day. 

Hump Day. 

I want a new puppy. A Frenchie. I have tried to argue with the wife that I would take care of it by pointing to the kids…I still don’t have my Frenchie. 

My job stresses me out. I love it but it is making me fat. Stress creates cortisol, cortisol creates fat, ergo, Bossman is making me fat. I deserve a present. 

I’m not a fan of most sweets, which by my size is shocking. But I can abstain from chocolate. And cakes. And pies. And cookies. But not Oreos. 

My kryptonite is cheese. All of it. Well, most of it. There are some funky cheeses. I don’t do funky. 

Bossman better not bring me Oreos. 

I wish I was one of those people who could take vitamins daily. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit, I get to day 19 and whoops…gotta start all over. 

I can only start a diet or a lifestyle change on Mondays. I don’t understand that but given I can’t do anything for more than 19 days, life stays interesting. I prefer to think that I’m a chameleon, others prolly say I lack focus. Whatever. Wait, what?

I get cranky and fall into a really dark rabbit hole. I am making healthy steps to get around this and remove people who send me into said rabbit hole. It’s actually liberating. I have a few more that need to go, but I hold on, because these people will break my heart to walk away from. 

Certain folks need to understand, my wife may have a badge that she protects and honors…I do not. She may respect the law and won’t risk her career or reputation…I have the First Amendment to protect me and a so-so reputation that I am not afraid to tarnish. 

I’m not afraid of anyone. Well, maybe Republicans. Definitely rabid, stupid Conservatives…but lying, freeloading sacks of shit…I’m not. I have truth. That trumps your dumpy ass. 

My governor did nothing for me as our AG. Now he does less as my governor. Respondent owes me $25k in child support. And he has hero status. Fucker. 

I am currently addicted to my Chuck Taylor’s. I love them. And it’s flip flop season. So I feel like I’m cheating when I wear my sneakers. 

I love that we bought this place. I do not love that I am now in charge of decisions. Like fencing. And flooring. I can’t make a decision about dinner, you want me to choose granite?!??! 

I want a treadmill, but I’m too cheap to buy one. I can walk outside for free, but I’m too lazy. I will prolly just buy a purse. And more Chucks. 

I should get ready for work. 

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