I am becoming that old lady…you know, the one in her housecoat and sock/slipper combo…the one that stands on the front porch screaming at people.
Only I don’t have a front porch. Or a housecoat. And I want new slippers.
But I do have this here blog. I use it a lot to scream at people. Typically, to think of others and to try and be a better person. Mostly, to talk about how I’m always in a bad mood and how I allow others to dictate my moods. How I allow others to hurt my feelings because people suck in general and don’t care.
so, I have this blog…let me tell you a “few” things that bother me.
- Untied shoes. How lazy can you be? bend in the middle, make rabbit ears, loop one over the other and pull. And you don’t trip and fall and look stupid. You’re welcome.
- Lip liner that is darker than your lipstick. Or lip liner and no lipstick. Who taught you that? Who tells you that is a good look? it’s not. stop doing it.
- Leggings worn as pants. Unless you are wearing a long sweater, tunic or dress…stop wearing these as pants. It’s not sexy. I can see your underwear. Or lack of said underwear.
- If you see me eating, don’t stop and decide to have a doctoral dissertation with me about anything. I am eating…mouth is full of food, not words. If you have to speak to me, ask me a question I can nod or shake my head to. If it’s more, then wait for me to finish…you aren’t a waiter.
- Stop turning your young daughters into whores. If they are under the age of 18 they should not be gyrating like a stripper. DON’T get me started on the twerking thing. Don’t turn your child into a prostitot.
- The fact that Hollywood is remaking every movie of my childhood. Leave John Hughes movies alone…for the love of all things holy.
- That TNT cancelled Dallas.
- That ABC cancelled Pushing Daisies.
- That Liz is still in the house. Or that I have to watch her with Austin. Ugh.
- The fact that my wife has not realized I purposefully leave the toilet paper roll empty…or that it is the same toilet paper roll and I change it out to mess with her. I’ve done this since June…she hasn’t said a word…now that I have put this out here, she will say she’s known all along.
- That the Boy has to have the last word. I thought that was a female thing…is it a teenage thing?
- Miley Cyrus. And that anyone has the absolute worst taste to like anything about her.
- Caitlyn Jenner. I’m over her, the notoriety of it all….she plays the victim so well, she should carry her own body chalk. I don’t know that she’s done anything to advance the transgender conversation…has she? Did I miss it? Did she help? Cause I all I remember is she is a transgender woman that thinks others “like her” get too many handouts. How very republican of said woman. I quit listening.
- Duggar anything. Quickly followed by Kim Davis anything. Quickly followed by Donald Trump anything. Stupid bothers me, they have it in spades.
- Kids on Mountain Dew. Just give them crack. For reals…that drink is terrible for anyone…especially a kid sitting, standing, jumping, dancing all at once in front of me at a football game.
- Don’t tell me you are on a diet as I watch you eat a double burger and you call it a “cheat day”. I haven’t had a burger in months. You’re a dick.
- The fact that I haven’t had a burger and am actually still counting in days. Like it’s actually been 67 days and I changed that in the fact above to look less mental.
- My protein drink in the mornings. I call it butthole protein. I imagine if I had to taste a butthole, it’s what one would taste like. I have tried everything to make it better. Nothing helps. But I like the results of the protein, so I have decided to continue drinking the butthole protein….only I take it like a shot of liquor. if I can get it down in 15 seconds, I am better….anything longer, I want to cry.
- The fact that I can’t find the house shoes I want, in my size, in red.
But thank you for letting me scream. You all make me smile.