I’m not sure I should do this. I’m not sure I shouldn’t. I know the last 47 days haven’t been a cake walk. For many people. The past 47 days have changed me.
47 days ago, I got a phone call that changed me.
47 days ago, I tried to talk to you.
47 days ago, I tried to get ANYONE to help me reach you. I got no help. I was on my own.
47 days ago, I made a decision to let someone else make the decision. A decision I supported. A decision I will defend, into the fucking ground. Wanna know why???
You woke up this morning. You’re welcome.
You got to see your family. Your loved ones. You’re welcome.
When you get to celebrate another Thanksgiving, Christmas or birthday, you’re welcome.
When you see the face of that person you love…that person that lives around the corner that wouldn’t pick a phone up when I called…but when you see that face and smile, you’re welcome.
When you laugh, brush your teeth, put on your shoes, you’re fucking welcome.
Cause see…for 47 days, I’ve missed you. The ability to call you, to confide in you, to laugh and to share joy and fear.
For 47 days, I have been ignored, ditched, dismissed and forgotten.
For 47 days, I have cried, bargained with God, begged, gotten angry…because of you.
For 47 days, I have replayed conversations, moments, secrets…and I doubt all of it. Because of you.
You made a stupid fucking choice. You, not me. Yet, instead of letting me hold you up and supporting you, instead of letting me help you, you went with the stupid fucking decision.
The last words I have from you are “Fuck you, this friendship is over. You are dead to me.”
So…after many sleepless nights, after many drained days…I’m done. I’m over it. You are on your own. I get it. I screwed up, only, I didn’t screw up. You did. Not me…
I hope you grow up. I’m hopeful new people in your life will have your back. Unconditionally…because until you pushed me away, I did. Even after you did, I still kept trying. I kept texting, calling, emailing..and got nothing.
Yep. 47 days. My life is changing in many ways, with the exception of this, it’s all been a blessing. But I can’t share the great things happening in my life with you…because you wrote me off.
I won’t bother you again. You’re welcome.