It’s my birthday. 47. When I was a child, this age was ancient. I mean cryptkeeper old.
Now, I’m the best me I’ve ever been.
I have had some of the worst experiences of my life in 2017 to be tempered by some of the best. I have been in the darkest place of my life and am slowly, SLOWLY coming out of it. It’s been months of soul searching and hard truths. It’s been months of realizing I’m not all the horrible things I have been told that I am and realizing that my life has value. That through the tears and anger, I also have laughter and love. Lots of love.
Yes, I’m 47. I am an adult child of a mother that doesn’t give up. She has taught me we all make mistakes and we have to stand against the roar of negativity and find joy.
Yes, I’m 47. I am the adult big sister to a baby sister that has fallen down more than most and has shown me that she will persevere, she will get up, be humble and learn the lesson in her own time.
Yes, I’m 47. I am the mother to two adult children. Two children that I love with every fiber of my being. Two people that I grew, delivered, nursed and nurtured. I taught them to read, their phone number and how to tie their shoes. (The most painful lesson ever!). They look like me, have my stubborn streak and sharp tongue and wit. I hope, with my last breath, they remember I taught them unconditional love and forgiveness.
Yes, I’m 47. I am the wife of the most incredible woman to walk this rock. She has taken care of me and my family without a second thought and very few thank yous. This woman, makes my days better and makes me safer than I can put into words. To say it is an honor to be loved by her is an understatement. To share my life, my days and nights with her is a gift. She will be next to me when I take my last breath and that gives me comfort.
In forty six years, I have loved and lost. I have made mistakes and reached for the stars. I have laughed and I have cried. I have sinned and I have been forgiven.
I have lost amazing people that I carry in my heart everyday. That have given me a taste of morality. I have to embrace every day. To honor them. To honor me.
I have reconnected with people I thought were lost to me. And that is a gift greater than words express.
I have embraced people in my world that have become part of my chosen family and they are irreplaceable in my heart and part of my soul.
Yes, I’m 47. My birthday wish to love, to laugh, to remember my history, to honor myself and to live everyday to the best that I can.
I’m going to spend my days and years, finding a blessing in each day.
My birthday wish…to find joy.