I don’t typically remember my dreams. I know I have some really weird ones because I usually fall asleep to the wife watching Discovery ID and whatever murder show happens to be on. Lets be honest, Keith Morrison’s voice is like a lullaby…that’s weird, right?
LAST NIGHT, LAST NIGHT, was o-so-different. Last night involved a former co-worker/friend/biker knight in shining armor, apple juice, rednecks, a mugging, AirSoft pellets and Luke Bryan…
Allow me to explain.
In my dream, wife and I apparently live in an extremely small town. Apparently, we only have grape juice in the house for visitors. Apparently, Luke Bryan is visiting and only drinks apple juice. Here’s where things start to get weird. (this isn’t weird enough, right?)
Out of nowhere, my wife volunteers my buddy Matt, to drive me to the Sip-n-Shop to get apple juice because it’s late and nothing else is open. Small town living, amiright?
We are leaving the Sip-n-Shop and two fat, sweaty redneck thugs decide to mug us. While Matt is wrestling the gun away from the thugs in the most unskilled, WWE way known, I reach for MY gun in my purse, ’cause we made sure I had my LTC and can actually use it. I realize, as I am shooting the gun at the thugs, something is “pinging” off their shirts and it’s not stopping them…at which point I realize that my wife has loaded my gun with AirSoft pellets. This still isn’t the weirdest part.
We are finally victorious because Matt “kicked some redneck ass!!!” (even in my dreams, my eyes rolled back in my head so hard, I saw my brain) and we head home.
After being asked why we took so long and responding that we got mugged/shot at/why did you load my gun with AirSoft pellets?!?!?! What would you think happens next? Was there concern for our well-being? Was there comfort? Well…no.
The very next thing, is Luke Bryan making sure the apple juice was bottled, NOT in a can.
*cue the alarm, I wake up before I choke Luke Bryan out…*
I relay this dream in the morning to my wife. Because that’s what I do, I share. After listening to me, staring at me, agape, no less…she asks one question…
“Why was Matt in your dream?”
Yep…that’s my wife. I am almost mugged, because she sent me after apple juice IN A BOTTLE for Luke Bryan and she wonders why random man was in my dream…I probably deserve a present.
Sidenote: I will always make sure to have apple juice, in a fucking bottle, in my house…(not really). Haven’t talked to Matt in months but saw he got a new vehicle on Facebook, and I ignored/listened to American Idol before bed. I didn’t take any medication/drink alcohol/smoke crack before falling asleep. I didn’t sleep on the wrong side of the bed nor did I get too hot or too cold. I don’t know why any of this happened. It’s.just.my.brain.
You’re judging me right now, right? Well deserved, I might add…