Food for Thought.

I was chatting with a co-worker about food, or our favorites and I decided in the new theme to get my memories down on paper, to share two…

First one…dad took me for my 13th birthday to eat at Aw Shucks!…I never had been there, and had lived basically on fried cheese and chips for the last year or so (my staples, don’t judge me…) he decided to let me try something new, shrimp and oysters.  He ordered, told them it was my 13th birthday and the first time I would see, let alone eat, an oyster.  The guy behind the counter made me my very own cocktail sauce that wouldn’t burn my face off.  They set three oysters in front of me and told me NOT to chew.  Just gulp it down, like I was drinking something.  As soon as it hit my tongue I chewed.

I have eaten exactly one oyster in my entire life.

Stop number two on the food journey…I’m 18, living with my mom, and it’s Christmas Eve.  Mom and I have spent the day drinking some sweet red wine and being silly.  I felt very grown up because all of the drinking I had done up to this point, involved standing in a field and attempting to “be” sober upon arriving home.  This time, I’m being adult and sharing a bottle, perhaps two, with a parental.  Neither of us were driving and well, wine happened.

Went to Steak and Ale (‘member those?) and mom decided to “class me up” and teach me about fancy food, specifically escargot.  It’s a snail…cooked in butter and garlic.  Not too hard, just don’t think about what it is, she says.  Just chew and you’ll be fine, she says.   As soon as I chewed, that stupid butter and garlic exploded.  I remember how quickly it sobered me up, I also remember bending my head below the table and spitting that snail ON THE FLOOR.  I sat up, not sure what else was gonna happen…then mom yelled at me about manners or something, so I picked it up with my napkin then threw my napkin on the floor.

I have eaten, or not, exactly one snail in my entire life.

I will say I’m not the pickiest eater, but I’m not the most adventurous, I have tried snake, gator, quail, and god knows what else when I used to judge chili cook offs, I haven’t tried boar, ostrich, squirrel, anything “exotic,” nor do I plan to, don’t ask.  I can probably go days without meat, I eat very little dairy.  And I am on a daily quest to kick sugar, bread and queso.  I don’t win, but at least I try.  Where’s my participation trophy???

Couple of things…if I can’t pronounce it, I’m not eating it.  if I don’t understand how it’s prepared, I’m not eating it.  if I have to cover it in sauces, I’m not eating it.  if it stinks or is a weird color, I’m not eating it.  I’m pretty simple.

And don’t ask me what I want for dinner, the wife and I have had a near 10 year battle of who gets to make that decision.  It’s a contest of who calls “you decide!” first.  And “I don’t know” and “I don’t care” are not restaurants that deliver, we’ve tried.

I should probably stick to fried cheese and chips.