Let’s Take A Moment.

everyone…take.a.breath.

I can’t believe this is gonna happen…hold on to yer britches…

I’m going to defend the Kardashian/Jenner clan.  As a whole. I KNOW!!!

So, let’s just dive in, let’s get to the brass tacks…

  • Many of us watched the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce Jenner.
  • Many of us watched the two-part special on Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
  • Many of us have an opinion on gay, straight, transgender, et.al folks.
  • Many of us have an opinion on  the Kardashians.
  • Many of us don’t matter one iota to the entire lot of Kardashians/Jenners.
  • Many of us have families.
  • Many of us are daughters, wives, sisters and mothers.
  • NONE of us walk in their Louboutins.

Let me clarify something I my mind after watching four hours of salacious television regarding Bruce Jenner/Caitlin Jenner journey.

  1. The two-part Kardashian special was filmed BEFORE Diane Sawyer, I believe sometime early winter.  It just aired in May.
  2. Diane Sawyer aired first. Two weeks before.

This is important to me, because watching these two shows out-of-order, put Kris Jenner in a very bad light. During the interview with Diane Sawyer, Bruce said “if Kris had been more understanding, we would probably still be married.” And Diane Sawyer reported that when Kris Jenner was asked for a comment, she said “No comment.” As opposed to the other two wives that were supportive and nurturing.

One of these wives now has a memoir about her life with Bruce. The same chick did a memoir about her life with Elvis years ago…I’m just going to say that the release of this book and the nurturing and support are completely 100% a coinky dink.

So, as I sat and watched the Diane Sawyer interview and heard the “no comment” comment, I actually may have said out loud…”what a bitch! Her whore daughter does porn and she’s all over it, this person needs her outward support and she can’t be bothered???” If I didn’t say it, I sure did think it!!!

We talked about how brave he was, being part of this mega famous (or infamous) family and having the courage to do something for himself. We rallied with support of our favorite Olympian son and we’re grateful for the love and support he got from his children. And two ex wives.

Then it happened,  I watched KUWTK…two times!!!!I know, I KNOW!!!! And my opinion about this ego bloated family changed.

See, what we didn’t see with Diane Sawyer is the way these children are handling it.  I’m gonna give it to Bruce and Kris…they are actually pretty level-headed folks, the whole clan…well, sorta.  Yes, they have a lifestyle that none of us can comprehend. (I mean, I don’t have makeup and hair people to blame this look on, it’s all me. ) but at the very bottom, this is a family.  A family going through a mind-blowing change.

In public. In front of all of us. For us to mock and ridicule and judge.

And they have to do so with a smile on their face….withjust the right amount of  concern, of bewilderment…lest they judged for being superficial.

So in watching KUWTK, I learned Bruce had been going through this change without telling anyone.  Then, from what I can gather, unloads all of this on them after months of public speculation. Apparently rather recently, because during the Kardashian show, it’s put out there that yes, they know but within months, he will be having surgery. MONTHS!!!! He just told them. And then he drops that bomb on two of them at once, with no apparent notice. Then can’t understand their shock or tears…or even their anger.  I wanted to shake him.

In watching KUWTK, it’s also learned that Kylie (I think) saw her father dressed as a woman at 4:00 AM and didn’t tell him. She stayed confused.  They found makeup and lipstick and thought he was having an affair. Kim caught him once and kept his secret for years.  The mind fuck that was happening in this family is astonishing.

I saw daughters, who love their father so deeply, they are willing to support him and love him unconditionally. I saw a wife, trying to adjust to being the ex-wife and trying to be understanding and supportive. I saw a family just trying to deal with an incredibly personal matter in a very public way. It was heartbreaking.

I saw a man, so conflicted within himself that he hid his innermost feelings for years….YEARS…feeling that his body, his genetics have betrayed him and he is completely trapped, destined to live someone else’s life as best he could. The heartbreak and pain that we witnessed was so very sad. In life, we all only want to be loved for who we are, we all strive to be the best version of ourselves.

He wasn’t able to do that. For 65 years.

Now, he sees its his turn, to grab his own truth, his own happiness. Why would ANYONE think to judge him? Why would anyone deny someone such happiness? How are any of us better than him?

Now….for my defense of Kris.  She was quoted as having no comment.   What we see in the KUWTK special is a woman, married to a man for 25 years, who bore him two children, who loved him and imagined growing old with him.  We see that he didn’t let her in.  He acknowledges it, she states she had begged him for 5 years to tell her why he was so angry. He acknowledges that he “stuffed” it down and he didn’t share his private torment.  She tells him she loves her husband, her best friend of 25 years and he’s gone.  That she has to mourn the end of her marriage AND the demise of the MAN she loves.

I saw her lay her head down and watched her weep.  In that moment, my heart went out to the momager that couldn’t to spin this.  She was a big wet mascara-y mess and she was human.

This was taped BEFORE Diane Sawyer.  I now understand why she had “no comment”.  I now see that she had no more to give and she needed time.

Bruce said repeatedly throughout both shows that he isn’t going to change.  He is still going to be the same person on the inside.  Then he repeatedly contradicts this by stating he saying he can’t wait to see who she is. He can’t have it both ways. I get that Bruce wants to soften the blow, to lessen the pain for everyone, because he also repeatedly says, “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

He needed to stop hurting himself and he needs to be who he is, he needs to be her.  She needs to be loved, respected, nurtured and understood.

She needs to be patient. She needs to let his family mourn.

We all change, not as drastically, but we as we age, we do. He has not only changed himself emotionally but physically. For him to think there won’t be any period of adjustment is insane.

I was awkwardly proud of the children. They are handling this as best they can with the grace they possess from growing up in the public eye. From Khloe bringing HER shoes to Kim going through HER wardrobe. To her sons, just simply being there and loving “Dad”….they just want him to be happy.  They just want to love her.

So, the end, maybe SHE has made them all a little more human.

Maybe SHE can be that inspiration to so many that just need to be who they aren’t yet.  To be the inspiration to show them the way.

Maybe she can be the hero to many youth.  Just as HE did as an Olympian.

Maybe, we can all let her sit back and learn who she is.

Maybe we can just relish in fact that as a society, we are ever-growing and evolving…that we can love someone for their insides, to look past the outsides and see a person for who they are.

Love.is.love.

Politics. Schmolitics. 

I’m having a horrible time wrapping my head around politics lately. I have friends on both sides of the aisle…I say this because I love all of you…

Many of you don’t walk in my shoes. And I love these differences. But you.don’t.walk.in.my.shoes.

Before you cast a ballot, or post something nasty about the other side, remember, we are friends. 

Before you call all gays welfare sucking, mooching, pedophiles that cause tsunamis, war, Ebola and earthquakes in Texas, remember, we are friends.  Oh, and I’m gay but none of that other stuff. 

Before you call all conservatives rabid, hateful, elitist that have caused the breakdown of common decency, fear mongering and war, remember, we are friends.  

I have seen more hate and fear posted in the name of God, family, love, the church and fellow believers.  Thing is…God isn’t about hate and fear. I also don’t think God gives two hoots about politics. And I am certain He doesn’t vote.  Ever.  Our job, on this rock, is to be good to each other, to learn, to teach and to love.  Period. 

I don’t know any politician that doesn’t have an agenda. Politics isn’t about the people any longer…it’s a career for these people. It’s a way to gain power.  Unnecessary power that is used against others to keep them down, power corrupts. Politicians lost the heart of what they do years ago…they forgot about the people they are supposed to protect. To serve. Politicians serve themselves and big corporations. Until everyone understands that, it won’t change. 

Take it back to student council elections….if Senators could promise softer toilet tissue or pizza on Tuesdays, then I’m all in…but stay out of my bedroom and out of my religion. 

I promise, my relationship hasn’t ruined yours, or your neighbors. It hasn’t led to famine, disease or war. There is nothing sadistic or dirty about it. 

If you say it’s wrong, that’s YOUR hang up. NOT MINE. 

if you throw religion at me about it, that’s YOUR hang up.  NOT MINE. 

My private life is NONE of your business. My private life is between me and one other person. It’s not yours to judge. It’s not yours to tear down, insult or mock. 

When I take my last breath, I will be judged, by God, not man. You won’t be worthy to judge me anymore than I am worthy of judging you. 

Let’s just love each other and embrace our differences. It makes the world a better place.  And isn’t that truly what we all want at the end of the day?

We have to get this message out…love is love.  Love is better than war. Love heals.  We have to heal, together…as citizens of this Earth we share.  We need to move together, as our hearts beat in a human symphony.

We, as humans, need to be better.

We, as citizens, deserve better than what we vote into office. 

Folks, be kind. Just love. 

Hero Worship.

I don’t say much about current events on here, simply because I don’t keep up with a lot anymore, I don’t have time…

But lately there have been lots of stories choking my social media, the news, everything I see and hear about these pro athletes and their misbehavior. I, for one, am not shocked.

When you hand that much money to anyone and they don’t have the tools to grasp the enormity of it, of the lifestyle that comes with it, what do you expect to happen?

The wife said tonight, “with all that money, you would think they would know better!”

She’s right, they should.

Sadly, until we quit throwing millions of dollars at folks because they can run, or throw a ball, or dance, or look pretty….we are gonna continue to get what we pay for…

It’s true, folks don’t have to any longer have any sort of talent, or apparent manners, morals or values…if it looks good, we will throw money at it…don’t believe me??? Then someone explain anything Kardashian to me.

These athletes need to NOT play ball…so sorry you got suspended…you asshole. You wanna play? Ok, the stop punching your girlfriends, or drink driving, quit using drugs…quit acting like a thug. Cut your fucking hair, shave, grow up and act like a fucking man…not some two-bit hustler “putting on airs”…no disrespect to the Two-bit hustlers that are honest about it…

You wanna be a singer? Then have some talent…auto-tune is lazy…go take a vocal lesson, write an original sing or give credit where it’s due…but don’t go steal someone else’s work, change a word or two….or my favorite, add a rap over it and call it yours…you’re not an original, there’s multiple talents shows on right now, people who can’t sing shouldn’t…Shake your ass elsewhere…

We, as a society, have got to get a grip on what we are showing our children…we spend thousands of dollars on our favorite players jerseys, or our favorite songs….these people that we lift up, don’t.fucking.care. They want to show us their lavish lifestyles, their fancy cars, wardrobes and vacations…they want us to wish we were them…and they want to show us how fabulous they are…

Stop!

What you typically show us is your bad behavior, your aggression, your addictions, sometimes your crotch, sometimes your ill manners…rarely your respect for others. Oh, sorry…you will show that, as long as it’s a photo op to show the world you ARE concerned about something other than when your next waxing is…

I have long said, if you want to be a celebrity, there is a level of responsibility that goes along with it…don’t expect to have any privacy. Want that? Find a normal life. Celebrity comes with a fishbowl. You get to live in it, but don’t act like you deserve anything else…

It’s not mine to judge…but I will protect my children and teach them that any reward is for hard work and should be appreciated and nurtured. I don’t have to listen to the music or buy the jersey, I can continue doing my do….enjoying my life.

I can’t judge any of these relationships. I can’t judge any celebrity because I don’t know them….I don’t know their circumstances…but I can stop encouraging it. I don’t plan to say anything else about it. These folks made their own beds, karma will tuck them in…

What makes me sad are these folks that look up to celebrities and these athletes, that see them as their heroes…

No one ever threw a football that saved a child or protected my freedom. No one ever sang a song or warbled several octaves to cure a disease.

Go thank a true hero…a police officer, a doctor, a nurse….a teacher, fireman, a volunteer, a soldier…someone who gives of themselves, just to make the world better…

The adage is, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig…

The Downside of Up.

We’ve all seen the pros and cons of social media.  The connections that are made with long ago friends, the relationships that bloom, or re-bloom…sometimes it’s good, sometimes, not so good.

I have found a dark side to social media. It’s not spoken of often, I can only think because of the “shame” involved with it.  I was talking with the wife about it the other day…the dreaded Social Media Jealousy.  It seems to strike at adults more than children.  I think because child-drama centers around crushes, prom and what type Sperry’s you wear…at least that’s my household.

No SMJ strikes at adults, who seem to get a lot more put out than kids over slights, either real or imagined.  We tend to view Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, et al, as a measuring tool of success. Ours and our friends. And 90% of the time, it’s all self-created drama.  Seriously, some folks take this waaayy too seriously.

We only THOUGHT we got away from cliques after high school.  In fact, after high school, I walked smooth away from anything and everyone I knew in school.  See, school was brutal for me.  I wasn’t popular, I wasn’t pretty…I was awkward and introverted.  I have wonderful memories of my high school years, wrapped up in people that I still keep up with on Facebook.  Or Instagram.  Or Twitter.  Yet, of these people, there are even fewer that I keep up with in person.  It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because we all got busy.  There isn’t any malice, we just got busy.

Yes folks, remember that…before social media, we had to make an effort to maintain that connection.  And sometimes we did, and those relationships flourished.  Other times, we slacked off…waited for another day, then that day passed, and it got easier to just go on with our lives because the other person didn’t make the effort either.  Voila…drift happens.

With the invent of MySpace and it’s contest of who your top friend was, came the SMJ.  If you weren’t your friends “Top” friend, you simply taught them a lesson and moved them down on your list….ha!  That’ll teach them!!!  Most times, they didn’t even realize they had done anything wrong.  I mean, they did make their child their top friend…how dare they?!?!?

Along came Facebook; no more ranking of friends or where you fall in the “Top Ten” but now there are “likes”.  It’s almost too much pressure.  You post a status or a photo…you HOPE you get a like or two.  You are on top of the world if you get 10 or 20….you are floored at 50 or even 100!!!

You have been known to stress over the smallest thing…a misspelled word, a shadow on a photo.  In fact, we no longer take photos just to enjoy, these smart phones allow us to take picture after picture after picture to make sure you get the right angle, that you don’t see a wrinkle, a double chin, a fat roll.  But don’t worry, if you don’t catch it…one of your “friends” will point it out to you.  Sometimes in good-natured humor, sometimes, it’s ugly.  And hurtful.  This can lead to being deleted or even worse…BLOCKED!!!!

Don’t think there aren’t cliques on social media.  Oh….there totally are…the same cliques that were in school…I can look and see that the popular crowd is still the popular crowd. Or the nerds (my peeps!) have packed together, making odd references to obscure TV shows or cult movies.  Or the folks who just monitor and watch, never posting just reading and looking at everyone’s status’ and photos.

I don’t know what causes the jealousy or hurt.  I do know that people have taken sides in situations they know nothing about.  They offer opinion or advice on things they aren’t involved in or know about.  They share their insights on your life with others, without consequence or a second thought. Social media has the ability to turn us all into judgmental jerks.

Social media has made us lazy, ill-mannered, cynical and jealous.

We don’t make time to visit anymore.  Why should we?  We can just peruse their lives on their social media sight.  Right?    We don’t have to listen to their stories of Junior’s football game or Suzy’s date last night.  We don’t have to make the time to spend face to face, seeing their reactions, their smiles or tears.  We can post a comment on their status as an offer of condolence or congratulations.  Virtual posts of sincerity in a world that teeters on a line between good manners and reality shows.  Pokes have taken the place of a good ol’ fashioned hug.

We don’t always feel joy when someone posts a vacation photo or photo of their engagement ring.  No, we aren’t happy to see our friends spend time with people other than us.  We often are jealous that we weren’t invited on the trip, or we are jealous because their diamond is bigger than ours, or why wouldn’t they invite us to dinner.  We don’t always truly wish the best for others, we keep up with them because we want to compete.  Human nature at it’s finest.

And let’s be honest, we all have “those” friends, you know the ones you keep on Facebook, to watch them roll around in their misery. They can’t help themselves, and we can’t help feeling superior to them.  We don’t reach out to assist or give a word of encouragement, we just sit and watch.  And these same people, will put everything out there, when they shouldn’t.  And we think “they are just screaming for attention!”  sometimes they are, sometimes they just need that outlet.  We should never be the ones to judge their circumstance.  Or be the ones who peek and sit back.  Sometimes, instead of feeling superior in our awesome lives, we need to reach out, give the a hand or a word of support.  It may be the one thing that makes a difference.

I am just as much to blame in my own world.  I was telling my wife the other night, we let 25-year-old friendships turn into Facebook  friendships.  We all have.  And I have found in the end, it’s turned me bitter in my own mind where I have made bigger deals out of things than I should have.   I have had imaginary slights that have taken on a life of their own and I no longer speak to people who I considered my friends.  I’m not proud of this behavior.  I haven’t deleted them or anything like that…I don’t follow them, but they remain on my Facebook, I can go peek in on their world when I want to.  The same way they do me.  Many won’t admit it.  I am sure that many think “oh, that’s not me!!!  I would never do such a thing!”  Okay, then go look…see how many of the people in your social media platforms you actually interact with.

I sometimes forget that others have lives too.  That not everyone is sitting around, waiting to entertain me.  And as such, I should afford them the consideration that I want from them.

This IS a double-edged sword.

Social media has also shown me the ugly side to people that I hadn’t seen before.  I have seen others use social platforms to remind everyone else how great their lives are in comparison to others.  I have seen “friends” rub good fortune, their “excellence”, their wonderful things in others faces.  Some might not realize they do this, others do so on purpose.  Using social media as a “don’t you wish you were me?” platform.

Here’s the rub:  no, I don’t.  I feel sorry for you.  You are so insecure in your life that you need the validation of a “like” or a comment.  You don’t think your great life is so great.  And you should.  You should be proud enough of yourself to not lord it over everyone else.  Here’s a hint.  This only makes you look like a complete tool.

I have let friendships fall away.  I have found that as an adult, I will hang on to stuff way longer than I should.  I preach love and acceptance and open-mindedness.  I have to remember that I don’t walk in everyone else’s shoes. And they don’t walk in mine.  I’m not always proud of my thoughts and actions.  No matter how proud others may be of theirs.

Here’s the thing, I have a good life. I have lived charmed and blessed life and I don’t take it for granted.  I have good friends that I treasure and adore,  I have a family that I would walk through fire for and I have my health.  I don’t need much more than that.

I got a wake up call this week when some friends got hurt by my inaction. The wife and I’s inaction and assumptions. We assumed that we weren’t needed or wanted.  That we had been “edged” out of their lives.  So we went about our lives.  Hurt and upset that the friendship that we treasured was a one way street.  Only to find that they assumed the same thing about us.  That we had edged them out and they were just as hurt and confused as we were.  In the end, I realized that whether the other person makes the effort or not, I have to.  And I realized how much I had missed my friend…my LP.  And shame on me for letting this happen.  That I hurt someone by just not doing anything, by my thinking my life was more important, by my jealousy that I had been replaced…I could have lost a dear friend.  Who missed me as much as I missed them.  Shame.on.me.

We have other friends that we let go.  Not because of anything they did or didn’t do to us. Maybe we are jealous of their lifestyle.  Maybe they are jealous of our bliss.  Maybe I’m wrong all the way around.  I know that I don’t like the actions of some, I have gotten roped into what feels like a one-sided war and I chose my side. I have to live with that and I’m okay with it.  I think there are issues because of social media and the lack of communication all the way around, I don’t think I care.

Not all friendships will survive social media.  Like I said, it shows you the dark side of some folks.  And yes, I may have stopped talking to someone over my perceived hurt…but when the other side doesn’t step up to the plate to fix it, to make the effort, then there’s no need to chase that friendship.  Social media will show you someone’s true colors.  Their insecurities and their faults.  You just have to care and pay attention.

In the end, these two friendships, one I treasure and I will remember to value.  One, I am still not sure of…in the end, I can’t be the only one putting in the hard work. Friendship is more than a like on Facebook or Instagram.  Friendship is more than a quippy comment or one liner.  It’s more effort than that.   One, will meet me half way, and will smile, knowing that as I type this sentence, this friendship is putting a smile on my face.  One, will not even realize that it’s them I am thinking of as I type this sentence.  One will embrace the years and history of the friendship between the four of us, one will not realize that the years have slipped passed them and it may be too late.   Because this is the good side of social media and the bad side of social media.  All in one paragraph.

Jealousy isn’t always a bad thing.  Jealousy pushes us to be better than the next guy.  Pushes us to not settle for being just what we are…

It’s only a bad thing when we let it take over, when we let it win.

 

Duck. Duck. Goat.

I have tried like hell all day to avoid all things Phil Robertson and Duck Dynasty.  God knows I have.  I have avoided the TV show for however many seasons it’s been on, well….I watched about 4 minutes of it one time, couldn’t stand the stupidity of it and turned it off.

I often wondered “We have actually made this shit #1 on TV?”  It falls along the same lines as the Kardashians and that BooBoo chick.  There is no value added to my life by the existence of these shows…NONE.

So I posted on good ol’ Facebook that I thought of him as often as he thought of me…no big deal.  Couldn’t believe how rabid folks got about it…but nooooo…it didn’t stop…everyone apparently has skin in this game.

Here goes my two, three or ten cents…

Mr. Robertson is strong in his faith.  He came back to the Lord and it has brought him peace in his life.  Good.on.him.  He deserves to proclaim his faith from the highest mountain top.  Doesn’t like homosexuality?  DON’T BE ONE!!!  Don’t like bestiality?  DON’T DATE A GOAT!!!  Wanna talk about it, fine…buckle up…you’re gonna piss someone off Phil.

See, Mr. Robertson isn’t an idiot.  He KNOWS what he said, he KNOWS what he meant, he KNOWS what kind of response he was gonna get.  He’s a brilliant businessman, right?  I mean he turned a family kazoo business and bad grooming habits into a multi-million dollar empire.  Don’t be fooled, the man isn’t a victim.

However, the man is a human.  And as such, he is allowed his unalienable rights.  As given BY MAN.

He has that Freedom of Speech…you know the one that THOUSANDS have died to protect.  That funny little constitutional right.  We may not like what he says, but he gets to say it without being beaten about the head and face for it.  If he wants to look stupid and small-minded, then by all means, thank a solider and go with it.

He’s right, the Bible does say that stuff.  Sorta, it’s paraphrased and translated.  It’s okay, mankind has been obliterating the teachings of the Bible for hundreds, thousands of years.  Ministers, politicians, families…foes…everyone will pluck one or two passages and memorize them, to help them make their point, to make them feel righteous.  To make them feel like they are on the right side of God in their judgements.

Gay or straight, Democrat or Republican, male or female…we all stand in judgement of each other, of people we know, people we don’t know…we do it everyday…

  • They are such a judgemental idiot!
  • She’s friendly, she must be a whore.
  • He’s talking to that woman, they must be “doing it.”
  • They don’t agree with me, they must be stupid…or wrong…or rascist/sexist/ageist/etc.
  • They are passionate about their opinions, they must be a zealot/crazy/off their meds.
  • They voted for Obama, they must be gay…or on welfare…or black.
  • They voted for Romney, they must be white…and rich…and racist…
  • They don’t vote…they don’t get an opinion in the country.
  • They are a vegetarian, they must be a hippy…I wonder if they shave?
  • They aren’t like me…there must be something wrong with them.

Yes, as much as we don’t want to admit it, we all sit in judgement of each other.  NO ONE is innocent of it.  So if you think you are, sit.down.  You are probably one of the worst.  Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, but it does mean I will roll my eyes and ignore 90% of what you are ranting about.

My sister and I battle this…allllll the time.  She is way more religious than I am.  It’s okay.  I love that she has found that relationship with God that fills her with peace and love.  She has found a church family and home that centers her and fills her faith cup.  She needs that in her life, she was raised with it and chooses to raise her child with it.  I think it’s wonderful and at times, wish I had that.

I am more spiritual than religious.  Church hasn’t been good to me, in fact, the last church I went to actually TOOK SIDES in my damn breakup.  Seriously, I was judged by leaders and people who spoke of love, acceptance and faith.  I don’t know if I will ever step in a church again for anything other than a wedding, baptism or funeral…but I have a strong relationship with God.  I have read/will read the Bible all my life.  I know stories, I know passages.  I live in sin and pray for forgiveness everyday.  I know that God loves me and I don’t need anyone to validate how I love Him. He knows.

Even with all of that…when I perceive that my sister has taken a “right turn” off the deep end into religious fevor…its because (1)she’s pissed at someone, typically me. (2)she wants to piss me off. (3)she’s off her meds (kidding!) (4)she’s passionate about whatever has gotten in her craw.

My sister and I have had more battles over what God wants, means, or flat-out says…when I say battles, I mean BATTLES…like I end up screaming into a phone, she ends up crying or God help us…either of us are near a computer, the e-mails are epic.  Hell, we will even drag our mother into it.  Shamefully, we have dragged my kids, my wife and my best friend into them in the past. I mean…my sister and I get medieval in these e-mails.  And in the end, we won’t speak for weeks, she will call crying (she misses me and I am s.tu.b.b.o.r.n) and we forgive and move past it.

Last time, was about gay marriage.  It was a doozy.  But once my daughter got ahold of me…seriously talked some sense into me, I got it.  And I have changed how I feel and think about others who think differently than me.

It’s true.  Children do end up teaching the parents.  It was humbling.

I tell you this because we are as different as night and day (she is adopted! not really…but don’t tell her)…and despite all these differences, I will take a bullet for her.  Well, maybe not a bullet, but I did’t tell her I would let someone pinch me really hard.  No one picks on my baby sister, makes her cry or hurts her that they won’t deal with me…eventually.  Karma is righteous…and until it comes around…don’t fuck with my family.  My baby sister…she’s the first best friend I ever had…she was my favorite toy…she may be a rabid Jesus loving mommy…but she can put in a good word with God for me…she has her opinions on everything in my life and I, hers…we have grown up and grown together.

She will get wrapped up in all of this…and it will be my job to talk to her about the other side, to listen to her reason, to tell her mine and in the end, pat her on the head, try to sell her for rocks and love her unconditionally.

ANYHOO.  Mr. Robertson paraphrased/quoted the Bible.  Mr. Robertson voiced his opinion and exercised his First Amendment Right.  It’s okay…really.  Whatever he thinks isn’t truly going to change anyone anymore than I will by writing this.  But it’s my blog, it’s my outlet and when I am done, I am done with this and Mr. Robertson.  I still won’t watch the show…I will still think they all need a shave.  I will still not want to run out and purchase a kazoo or marry a man…

I’m still gonna be me.  Gay.  Chubby.  Outspoken and vocal behind a keyboard.

A&E also has the right to Freedom of Speech.  They chose to not agree with him.  They chose to protect their business model.  No one was arrested, no one was stoned to death, no one was locked up in a cell for 20 years for voicing their opinion.  I dare say, the world continued to revolve on its axis.  The rich got richer and there are still men, women and children that went to bed hungry, sad and alone.

Wanna be upset?  Be upset about that…

It’s really hard for me to defend his rights when I have to fight daily for mine.  But this isn’t about gay rights or my civil rights or anything like that.  He voiced his opinion and it’s stirred up a nest of bullshit that is impressive.  Yes, he has the right to say whatever he wants…at doesn’t make him exempt from taking responsibility for those words.  So, no, I don’t believe he is a victim.  At.all.

Please gay people….don’t make this a homophobic thing…please…don’t get down to that level and be as small-minded and judgey as he has been.  For God’s sake, he has Sarah Palin supporting him!!! Please, rise above it…realize that he probably doesn’t have anyone close to him that is gay or dating a goat.  He doesn’t see how it affects us.  Nothing we do or say is going to change him, his beliefs or his opinions.  It’s evident.

Take that passion, that energy and channel it into doing something that makes a positive change in someone’s life.  Pay his judgement forward and turn it into something positive.  For the love of God…show the REST of the world that we aren’t all crazy, fevered fags that will protest everything for any reason…stop.think.love.

And to you, Mr. Robertson, I appreciate that you have your opinion.  I appreciate you have the right to your opinion.  I am sad that you have to deal with the backlash, but sir, you asked for it.

So I’m gonna say a prayer for you.  I’m gonna say a prayer for me.  I might even say a prayer for Kim Kardashian and that BooBoo chick.

Lord knows, we all need it.

Mommy World.

My kids have two mommies.

It’s okay…I acknowledge it isn’t for everyone, but it’s perfect for us.  I am bio-mom.  I carried these two bundles of joy,  I shared a heartbeat with each of them.  I’ve loved each of them 9 months longer than anyone else ever will.  I have made my share of mistakes, I have made your share, my neighbors share, my 3rd cousin twice removed’s share….I have screwed it up more than I care to think about, but I own it.

These two are of me, they look like me, act like me, sound like me.

I have taught them the truth may hurt, but everyone is WORTH the truth.

I have taught them that even though they are head and shoulders taller than me, I can still put them in their place.

I have taught them to respect themselves, because in life, many others won’t.

I have taught them that yes, adults do suck sometimes, and even the ones that say they love you and won’t leave, do.  It’s not their fault, it’s on the other person.  They aren’t to give them any energy.

I have taught them unconditional love.  Period.  No excuses, no reason.  Love is love….and there is always room for more of it.

I have taught them that I will walk through fire for them.  I love them to my very core and there isn’t anything they can do to change that.

Then I gave them the Wife.  And it’s changed our lives, all of us.  I have known her for 30 years, we have been a family for 4 years…it gets better every day.

I once asked the wife why she loved them so much, her answer was simple, “In the beginning, I loved them because I love you and I see how much you love them…how do you not love someone so much? Now, I love them because we have our own relationships, we have our own things…they are as much mine.”  She’s the goods.

She hasn’t “thanked” me yet for these relationships, but she hasn’t run for the hills either.

So everyone understands, my kids have two mommies.  It’s okay.

I had a conversation with the sister today that made me think about what actually constitutes a family.  See, I had two mommies, no…not in THAT way, I had my bio-mom and my step-mom.  Everyone should have a step-parent like mine.  She never felt like a step-parent and she never treated me like less.  I love her everyday and think of her often.  She left my life after the divorce, but in my heart, she left me with a sister, a brother and a 2nd mommy that I will always love and lessons I will never forget.

In today’s society, there are so many single parents, by choice, by death, by separation, the list goes on and on…here’s my take on it….

there are so many that need love, need guidance, need structure and support…why shut folks down?  Because of their sexuality?  Seems short-sighted and petty.  Maybe that’s just me.

My kids got/get asked all the time “your mom is gay???” and both without missing a beat, without hesitation, “yes.” Simple and true.

Yes, they have been picked on.   But I’ll let you in on a secret; kids pick on kids, regardless of whether or not mommy is a fag.  All kinds of reasons….

  • Mommy is fat.  (it’s okay, I am)
  • Mommy isn’t blonde.  (tried it once, not pretty)
  • Mommy isn’t a stay at home mommy.  (Bossman would cry)
  • The daughter’s hair was too short.
  • The boy’s hair was too long.
  • We didn’t live in the right part of the neighborhood.
  • We didn’t have a hot tub.

Kids learn what we teach them.  These two have learned there are lots of different ways to love others, that it’s okay to have one parent, or two, or two mommies, daddies, step parents, foster, adopted, whatever…they have learned family isn’t always genetic.

Sometimes, the right one walks in the door.  This person will take away the hurt and replace it with love and honor.  This person will show a child it’s okay to trust, to love someone who isn’t “the norm.”

Besides, my definition of normal is way different from yours.  Example, I think it’s completely normal to have 7 pairs of the same shoe in different colors or the same purse in 4 different colors.

What? not normal?

told.you.so.

CancerGirl.

This isn’t my story.  This isn’t my fight.  But this is my blog.  And I waited until I was given permission to write and publish these words.  So for you, CancerGirl, you are an inspiration to me.

The moment is frozen in my mind.  That moment when I didn’t know what to say.

It was at one of the Boy’s football games.  CancerGirl and DynaHusband had begun coming to his games this season, to support the Boy and his efforts.  We had grown to be close friends, the Couple That Could and me and the wife…we bonded over foodie love, Disney, the Boy and randomness.  It didn’t hurt they were literally 100 steps from our house.  We love them, the Couple that Could.

I see them walking up the bleachers and I go to meet CancerGirl, only then, she wasn’t CancerGirl, she was just my friend…I asked, “so….what did the doctor say?”  As tears welled up, she could not talk and I just knew.  They had found something.

All I could muster was “you know it won’t be anything, just like me….you will twist yourself inside out for nothing…I have a good feeling, you will be okay.” She nodded, I hugged her.  I stood there, hugging her for what seemed to be forever, with tears in my eyes, saying a prayer for my friend.  For her to be okay….

About a week later, I got a text:  “Mastectomy is the word for the day.”

I replied: “Shut up.”

I reminded her that she DID want a boob lift, but this was not the way to do it.  I saw her later that day, I looked at her and said, “You get 24 hours to be sad.  After that we fucking fight!”

And I hugged her.  And DynaHusband, who looked like he had been punched and boiled.  The wife told him any time he needed a break, she had a car and knew where a bar was, they could just go.   They told us they weren’t telling many, just to not make it about a “cause” because there are always the people in your life that make YOUR cancer all about them.  This needed to be about her.  And him. Period.   Anyone else could just go pound sand.  In fact, I believe I said, “who cares?  You are fucking fighting for YOUR life…you owe no one ANYTHING!!!!”  and I still mean that.  To.my.core.

We told DynaHusband, “she will have MANY taking care of her; we need to also remember to worry about you.  You need love, prayers and our strength too. Don’t be brave by yourself.”  And we meant it.  Every word of it.

So, we get through the coming days with lots of inappropriate boob and cancer jokes (there are a LOT of them), a little sadness and lots of prayers.  In my effort to make things easier, I set up a Foodie Calendar…a way for all the people who love the Couple That Could to do SOMETHING to help; we feed them.  (If you know them, they don’t cook.  Ever.  I don’t even know why they have a kitchen!) And the amount of love and support and food that came to me for this was astounding.  People came out of the woodwork to help her, at her work, her friends, family…all of them.  Each one, telling their stories of love and support for CancerGirl.  And we kept them fed. Holy moly, that was a lot of food…from family, friends, their favorite restaurants.  Methinks I am going to start a food calendar for me.

Then it’s time.

DynaMom comes to the rescue.  EVERYONE should have a mom like this…DynaHusband’s mom…I know her name, but I can’t get it to come out of my mouth, she’s just “mom” to all of us.  So CancerGirl does the damn thing.  Double mastectomy and reconstruction.  DynaHusband calls us to let us know she’s good, she’s resting and will be home in a couple of days.

Once she’s home, we gave her a couple of hours and headed over.  Now, I will tell you, I was expecting someone who looked like they had been hit by a Mack truck….she did not look like that.  AT.ALL.  I actually asked, “are you sure you had surgery?!?!!?”  It was crazy, she looked great and was awake, in very little pain and I was impressed.  CancerGirl had turned into WarriorGirl.  We asked incessantly “can we do anything?” and only ONCE did DynaHusband ask for any help….to watch over her while he went to run some errands.  Let me tell you, she slept the whole time…easiest babysitting assignment I have ever been given.  Although, she did have control of the remote, which resulted in my being stuck watching the Cinderella remake with Brandi and Whitney Houston.  Kill.me.now.

She bounced back remarkably quickly;  we were at their favorite hangout two weeks after surgery so DynaHusband could dress up like Santa…a very pervy Santa, but she was smiling and having a good time.  It’s been the rule since this whole thing started, we have fun.  We enjoy every moment and fuck cancer!

We are there with her, through the chemo, the up days, the down days.  And we are honored to be there on the day that she claims control, that the chemo isn’t going to win.  As we sit and watch, she has her head shaved…and smiles a smile that lights the room.  I sit and watch, astounded by the sheer bravery she has to do that.  I had thought of doing so in solidarity; yet, ultimately deciding against it for a couple of reasons, (1) it’s her battle and story, (2)I have a weird freckle on my head (3)I didn’t want to answer any questions.  She had no choice….either she shaved it or watched it go down the drain.  I don’t know that I am that brave.

She has a perfect baby head.

There were to be wigs in the beginning, which lead to many pervy jokes.  Duh.  Slowly, she began to go all naturel….no wigs, just baby head and a bonnet.  As her comfort level grew, she smile shined.  It wasn’t long until we never saw a wig….to be perfectly honest, I don’t think we ever saw her IN it.  We began searching for hats for her…everywhere we go, the Wife was looking for hats…it became part of the day….hats for WarriorGirl…hats, hats, hats…hats with pom poms, hats with ears, hats with flowers…so many choices…

It became habit, when we would see each other, my hand immediately rubbed her fuzzy head, half expecting a genie to pop out and grant me three wishes…but it never happened.  *sigh*

She didn’t post anything on Facebook for the longest time.  The one time she did, I immediately texted and said, “uh, that’s on FB!” and it came down….we set her up a blog, so she could relate how she felt, what was going on and how she was coping.  That was the only written word about the fucking cancer (with the exception of the veiled FB post for those “in the know”).  Until recently.

About a month ago, WarriorGirl had her picture taken with her smile and baby head…and it was beautiful!  And just like that, the battle was public…WarriorGirl had the fucking cancer.  Only she had beaten it.  There was love, support, concern, and celebration.

In fact, when I told the Boy (who *hearts* them!) that she had posted a picture on Facebook, he wanted to see it…and his exact words were “Its about time!”  (I love the Boy….)

About two weeks ago, DynaHusband finally acknowledged what he had been through.  I can’t imagine, watching, not begin able to fight FOR HER, but to simply sit by and allow her to do this.  He’s the goods.  The example any husband should strive to be; he’s that guy…and we can see how much he loves her, just by the look in his eyes.  These two, they make me happy…watching them be a married people…gives me hope for the breeders.  He wouldn’t tell us before how hard it was, in fact, he made sure to tell us he was “okay” and “good” any time we asked.  He wouldn’t leave her side ever.  He was her chemo buddy, her nurse, her transporter, her maid and her protector.

Nowadays, the chemo is over, the head is bald and she is still smiling.  She will continue to survive…she will continue to be shiny.  She will always be a Warrior in my eyes.

To the Couple That Could, I say this…we (the wife and I) are blessed beyond any words for the friendship you give us.  We love you to from the tops of our heads to the tippy of our toes.  We are grateful and honored to have walked through this battle with you, that we are on this side of the war and we (you) are winning.  Thank you for all that you share, all that you do and all that you are to us.