Politics suck. 

I was going to post this In response to some comments on a post, I decided to just put it right here…so it’s verrrrry clear.

Look folks…I don’t excuse any of her acts….she isn’t my first choice.

But if any of you actually think that DONALD F*CKING TRUMP is the answer to our prayers, you’re just as delusional as he is. He is hateful, hurtful and a complete asshole. Hypocrite isn’t even the start of his bullshit problems. So posting your Liberal hate on my wall or your memes about Hillary are only going to prove my point, over and over…that Republicans in general are a hateful, excluding group of asshats that don’t deserve my respect or friendship. Now, do YOU enjoy being lumped into such a group? Do YOU think it’s fair?????

Here’s the thing, he’s a horrible choice for President, let’s be honest. And all I can think is that someone in the GOP that was more deserving, more qualified than this blustering ball of bullshit. Someone who could have led this country somewhere other than down a path to hell. He got this nomination because he is basically a school yard bully.

I’m a social liberal and a fiscal conservative. He doesn’t speak for me. I voted for Obama because Bush left this country in a hole we are still recovering from.

I will state again, for the record…I am for equal pay for equal work.  I am for gay marriage, I believe Black Lives Matter, I believe in free speech and consequences for ones actions. I don’t think any man can tell me what to do with MY body. I support Planned Parenthood and believe they provide more services than the ones they are condemned for.  I think teachers, police and firefighters are EXTREMELY underpaid and professional athletes are over paid.

I believe in term limits for ALL politicians and the ones who scream the loudest have the most to hide.   I think if you DO ship our jobs out of the country, you lose your tax breaks.  I think our welfare system cripples people that need assistance and doesn’t help them.  I think the filthy rich need to pay their share not more.

I believe in God, I believe in the Ten Commandments and the Bill of Rights.  I believe we are all immigrants and we need to remember we TOOK this land from Native Americans and we should shut up about anyone else taking it from us.  I think it’s stupid to talk about seceding from the Union and those saying that don’t know what they are talking about.

I don’t think you get a trophy for coming in second and I think that standardized testing should be banned forever and the “new math” is stupid…we are raising children who have no arts programs and can’t write in cursive.

I think that being a gentleman or being ladylike is disappearing quickly from our culture.  I miss manners and common sense.

This political race is reducing people to blathering, blaming buttholes…our world is too tragic for such hate.  It makes me sad.  Terribly sad that people I consider my friends lash out and treat others with such venom and vitriol.  There is such a fury that it shocks me.

Trump took the nomination that probably belonged to another.  That’s the truth.  And I may have voted for this other person, because I am not completely sold on Hillary.

Know this,  I would vote for ANYONE other than Trump.  I mean, if the Cookie Monster was running against him…he would get my vote.

So…shut up, sit down, calm down.  Or at the minimum, keep your shit off my social media.

Let’s try to stay friends…

30 days of highs, lows and an inappropriate observation. 

In no particular order, the following has happened in the last 30 days…

  • The wife and I realized we were hosting Thanksgiving and had seating for FOUR.  five, if you rolled the chair in from the computer desk.  
  • Found a table we fell in love with, then when the time came to purchase it, it was $200 cheaper than we initially planned for. 
  • The wife and I put that bitch of a table AND six chairs together.  It took 5 hours, but we did it and didn’t kill each other or the Boy. 
  • I proceeded to cook dinner for 15 and rendered myself damn near immobile by end of the day. 
  • Slept for 15 hours and woke up with the flu.  Or something else closely resembling death. 
  • I quarantined myself to the bedroom for 36 hours and the wife and Boy still got sick.
  • I have not watched a single episode of SVU in 10 days and I now know what withdrawal feels like…I don’t know how much more I can handle.  
  • I tried to watch Blackhat and thought I was losing my hearing…and my mind.  
  • Codiene cough syrup sleep is the best drool inducing sleep, ever.
  • Spent an evening with two of the most important friends I have and was allowed to finally rage and weep and mourn the end of a friendship while reigniting another one.
  • I have reconnected with a few dear people that I let my pride pull me away from.
  • I have realized that you can teach this old dog new tricks. 
  • I haven’t had a soda or junk food in 5 months and I feel incredible. 
  • A 46 year old gay man and a 17 year old boy will have the same reaction to a conversation that involves a vagina. 
  • That soul mates aren’t always romantic and I have several people who have filled my soul and made me whole. 
  • The wife and I have changed shower heads.  Twice.  We are waiting for our butch cards to arrive in the mail. Any day now. 
  • Our Christmas decorations are displayed before December 20th. 
  • We have lights on the outside…and they all work. 
  • I will find a nutcracker to buy in every store I walk into.  Including 7-11 or Petsmart. Don’t judge me.  
  • I am a magnet for all sorts of bullshit.  And that I handle said bullshit with amazing patience.  
  • I had to explain what “going HAM” was to the wife after I had used it correctly in a conversation.  
  • Used “on fleek” in the correct context.  
  • Have not yet had my freak out about the Boys upcoming surgery. But   we aren’t there yet.  
  • Have created a “to do” list with the wife of projects that are impressive and massive. 
  • Have learned I am inpatient about these projects. 
  • Had in depth discussions about vinyl vs. aluminum windows, gutters and landscaping.  
  • I watch too much HGTV. 
  • I need to play AND WIN the lottery. 
  • Bordered on a deep, uncomfortable conversation about tithing and God if I was to win the lottery. 
  • My hairdresser is convinced that my Vitamin D deficiency is due to my entry into menopause. Like I am joining a club…
  • Had an extremely awkward and hilarious conversation about panties with someone I was shocked to have such a conversation with.  
  • I have come to accept the fact I will not be seeing Star Wars the opening weekend.  And I’m okay with that.  
  • I have fallen in love with me again. Finally.  It feels wonderful. 

Here’s to more highs, more lows and more conversations about vaginas, panties and household improvements.

What’s been going on in your world???

Hump Day. 

I want a new puppy. A Frenchie. I have tried to argue with the wife that I would take care of it by pointing to the kids…I still don’t have my Frenchie. 

My job stresses me out. I love it but it is making me fat. Stress creates cortisol, cortisol creates fat, ergo, Bossman is making me fat. I deserve a present. 

I’m not a fan of most sweets, which by my size is shocking. But I can abstain from chocolate. And cakes. And pies. And cookies. But not Oreos. 

My kryptonite is cheese. All of it. Well, most of it. There are some funky cheeses. I don’t do funky. 

Bossman better not bring me Oreos. 

I wish I was one of those people who could take vitamins daily. They say it takes 21 days to create a habit, I get to day 19 and whoops…gotta start all over. 

I can only start a diet or a lifestyle change on Mondays. I don’t understand that but given I can’t do anything for more than 19 days, life stays interesting. I prefer to think that I’m a chameleon, others prolly say I lack focus. Whatever. Wait, what?

I get cranky and fall into a really dark rabbit hole. I am making healthy steps to get around this and remove people who send me into said rabbit hole. It’s actually liberating. I have a few more that need to go, but I hold on, because these people will break my heart to walk away from. 

Certain folks need to understand, my wife may have a badge that she protects and honors…I do not. She may respect the law and won’t risk her career or reputation…I have the First Amendment to protect me and a so-so reputation that I am not afraid to tarnish. 

I’m not afraid of anyone. Well, maybe Republicans. Definitely rabid, stupid Conservatives…but lying, freeloading sacks of shit…I’m not. I have truth. That trumps your dumpy ass. 

My governor did nothing for me as our AG. Now he does less as my governor. Respondent owes me $25k in child support. And he has hero status. Fucker. 

I am currently addicted to my Chuck Taylor’s. I love them. And it’s flip flop season. So I feel like I’m cheating when I wear my sneakers. 

I love that we bought this place. I do not love that I am now in charge of decisions. Like fencing. And flooring. I can’t make a decision about dinner, you want me to choose granite?!??! 

I want a treadmill, but I’m too cheap to buy one. I can walk outside for free, but I’m too lazy. I will prolly just buy a purse. And more Chucks. 

I should get ready for work. 

Points to ponder.

When you buy a home, HGTV should automatically show up at your doorsteps and make  the home looks perfect.  Just sayin.

Why was popcorn ceilings sooooo popular??? It makes me insane.

I need to stop googling home improvements, it’s making me impatient. 

On American Idol, do they sound better in the audience than on TV…because this blue hair chick is working my last.gay.nerve.

Speaking of Idol, what is with the beard on Ryan, is he trying to be Harry 2.0. I’m not sure how to feel about it.  And are those press on nails JLo is wearing?

I’m distressed that Empire is off now…and Orange is the New Black isn’t back yet.  Thank God for Blacklist.

When is the appropriate date to begin wearing flip flops? 

I have a serious addiction to nude lipstick and PopTarts. I need a support group. 

I need a new puppy.  

And purse. 

I miss my peeps. They know who they are.  Through texts, calls, FaceTime or whatever…there is a group of peeps that make me smile and I love each of them…

Need to plan a get together soon.

Need to plan trips to Kenner, Ronnie, Urs and Shelah. 

I want to go to Memphis and NOLA. again. Soon. 

I should prolly be nicer to Bossman so he will give me the time off. Oh, who am I kidding…I will continue to be a pain in the ass and he will still give me the time off…duh. 

I wanna take a cruise.

I should prolly be finishing the damn laundry instead of free flowing the shit in my head. 

I live a blessed life..with amazing, beautiful kids and a wife that I can’t live without. I’m simply amazed by this every damn day. 

I need a nap.

I can’t figure out if I’m really angry or just really tired. I’m trying to figure out if it’s stress or heartburn. I want to figure how to get out of this bullshit mood I find myself in…I feel stuck in it.

I.hate.this.

As I read through previous entries, I find I reach out to this blog for many reasons. Some are funny, some sarcastic. Other times, it’s to grieve for various things…my father, the fate of the next generation, the demise of my waistline and manners…

I realized, there are many entries about my hurt feelings. The key to these…I let others hold my emotions hostage. Apparently, I always have and probably always will. I talk a good game about letting others go and to let my strength in myself be enough, but WHAM!!! Next blog, same song. I’m wondering when I’m gonna hit that limit. When is enough, enough?

I read others blogs. I read others posts…I see how they learn to cut and run to save themselves. Why can’t I? Someone teach me.

I have completely retreated into myself. I feel it. I know it. And I don’t care.

I’m angry. Because I feel like I have cared and chased people like a junkie chases the dragon. It’s made me insecure and sad. Like I’m not good enough and well…that sucks. I’m angry because I have allowed others into my head and they have messed around in there and changed me. Fuck you, that’s not nice.

I have to slow down sometimes, remember I am not the only person out there. I’m not the only one with stress and pressures. The world doesn’t revolve around me. Then I realize THAT’S my problem. I’ve always allowed everyone else’s problems, pressures and stress matter more than mine. I don’t tell people but I damn sure get mad when I feel taken for granted.

I guess it’s my fault I don’t matter to folks more. I don’t weigh them down with my problems. I prefer to keep them internally and work it out in my own. I am drowning in stress right now. To the point I can’t put it into words. I honestly feel invisible and that makes me insecure. That leads to anger…and sarcasm. This should be fun.

I’ll be fine. I don’t need insincerity and effort now…chances are, I won’t answer or return a call until I bounce back. And I don’t know how long that’s gonna take.

I’ve learned, in 44 years, this post isn’t gonna change anything…folks will still abuse my friendship, love and good manners. People will still walk all over me. And I will continue to let them and blog about it later…this thought makes me tired. Maybe my gift is being a doormat and I just need to embrace it.

Nah….this time is different. I feel it. As these words leave my mind and flow through my fingers, I feel ease. I feel weight lifting off my shoulders. This time, I won’t let people back in…they keep me at arms length, I shall learn to return the favor.

I am going to treasure the handful of people that I have. There is this group of random folks that make me smile…those get my affection and attention.

I apparently have a few things to figure out.

Ohhhh youth.

Dear younger me,

There are a few things I want to tell you. Now, before you start rolling your eyes, listen to me. I’ve been there and I truly wish I had a wiser, older me around to tell me these things.

No, you don’t know everything. No, you won’t always learn from your mistakes and no, you don’t have all the time in the world…so sit down, shut up and take some notes.

1. When you start working, invest in something called 401k. Start early, you’re gonna need it. Don’t touch it. It will turn into more money and when you get REALLY old and retire, you will have something to carry you through.

2. Gravity is not your friend. As you get older, it will grab hold of your hips, your chin and your boobs. Look at your mother…those will be your boobs someday. Get a good bra. WEAR a bra. Don’t argue.

3. Speaking of aging…start moisturizing, NOW. Use sunscreen. Always. With all the laying out and swimming and running around like a banshee in the sun, you’re gonna end up looking like a handbag and wonder what the hell happened. Those crowsfeet are bastards and they don’t fuck around. Moisturize.

4. Sun In is NOT your friend. Never use it. EVER. You are a little Mexican girl, it will turn your hair orange. Not a good look for anyone. You are not a pretty blonde, never bleach your hair. Darker is more mysterious…stay away from bleach.

5. Your father will tell you “cover up, leave something to the imagination!” He’s right, you don’t need to look like a baby prostitute every time you leave the house. Modesty will be a novelty when you get older.

6. Speaking of modesty, watch out who is taking pictures and what you are doing…there’s a thing in the future called “the Internet” and “Facebook and Instagram.” They have this fun little thing called “Throwback Thursday”. If you aren’t careful, these photos will not be your friend. You will not want to explain to your children twenty years from now why you don’t have a shirt on or what that “funny little cigarette” is.

7. Spend time with your grandparents and your parents. Talk to them. Listen to their stories. They are living history books and are witness to some of the greatest events of your lifetime. It will matter.

8. Be respectful, you little shit. Otherwise, when you have children (oh, you will) they will be 10 times worse than you. It’s called karma. And it is just and fair…so keep your room clean and your mouth shut.

9. Do your homework, pay attention and go to college. It’s way easier to get it done and be done, rather than try to do so once you are married and a mommy. Trust me…get it done as soon as you graduate, don’t wait, don’t “take a year off to find yourself”. Suck.it.up.

10. Pedicures and orgasms. Wait for both. Don’t listen to all your friends say they have done it. Wait for the right person. Once you find the person who gives you both, amazingly, you will know it was worth the wait. And no, not everyone is doing it and no, not everyone is good at both, or either of them. You need to be really, um, picky…

Yes…just a few words of advice. I’m going to let you suffer through mullets, purple hair dye, pale makeup, too much eyeliner and too much bronzer, I think some things build character. You will survive tight rolled jeans, Kaepas and friendship pins. You’ll even survive that unfortunate unibrow and perms.

Learn to love unconditionally and without judgement or reservation. Everyone needs a friend. Don’t stop at the surface of people, go deeper…it’s your calling. Get inside and be there, be present. Never judge anyone…it will be brutal when you are older, lots of people will show you judgements, don’t be one of those people. Love. It’s that simple.

You won’t always be friends with everyone you know and you won’t marry the first boy you love. Or the second or third. You will have your heart stomped on by mean girls and dickhead boys…you will survive.

Everyone gets older and when you go to your reunion, you will see, those popular girls got “curvy” and those hot boys lost their hair. Most of them will be divorced and just.like.you.

Time levels the playing field. You will find your voice. You will find your inner strength and beauty. You will become a badass.

Relax, enjoy. Live, love and laugh. Always laugh.

Good luck.

Oh!

P.S. This is the MOST IMPORTANT LESSON I CAN TEACH YOU….

…you will meet an amazing and really hot girl named Kristi. Look past the mullet. Those “butterflies” you feel mean something. Talk to her, get in her line of sight and stay there…you’re gonna be gay. It’s okay. But she’s your One. Stick with her. Those “butterflies,” that’s love. Once in a lifetime love. She will fall in love with you too…if I teach you nothing else, I hope you find her sooner than I (you) did.

Ride or Die Dialogue

Road trips are always fun with the wife…she drives, I’m a Princess and seeing as I am such, I am supposed to sit and look pretty. She has come to understand this.

There is horrible traffic on the way home, so we have done back roads and drove through Sam Houston National Park, which is beautiful. As we get closer the interstate, the wife starts to worry about the traffic and if we have made our way around said hurdle…it makes her question the responsibility I posses on this trip.

Today’s gem goes a little like.this.

Wife: “you need to get on Mapquest and find me an alternative route…”

Me: “this is why I should be driving, I’m not a navigator! I don’t know my way around shit!!!”

Wife: *snort*giggle*sigh*

As we finally get to the interstate and see it is smooth sailing and we did indeed make our way around the traffic, she looks at me…

Me: “this is why I am your ride or die…”